I'm new here and I need help.....

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I don\'t know where to start.... All my life I have felt outcast (I\'m 31 almost 32). I have ALWAYS loved Rock and Roll, and I am currently working at a rock n\' roll dive bar in my home town, owned by a former boss of mine. The thing is when I previously worked for him it was a decade ago, I felt like an outsider there and I figured it was because I was also 5 years junior of most of the other people. Now I go back and I work at this NEW venue with new people most of which are now my Junior and I still feel out of place. I am a very social person and I treat people with common respect, but for some reason I can\'t get the respect reciprocated.. I feel that I am a highly intelligent person but can not click with very many other people, I feel like the damn anti-christ with the way I am treated. These jobs are also not the only jobs that I have had these issues either.... My intentions are pure with EVERYTHING that I do and I don\'t know that people see that, I bust my ass and am full of ideas when working with or for others. I still don\'t EVER get brought into the circles, and I feel like the black sheep EVERYWHERE I go. I read somewhere else on this site, someone suggested that people have a \"sixth sense\" so to speak about people that are autistic and treat them like trash to ease themselves, I don\'t know that I am autistic or have Asperger\'s, I don\'t feel like I am but this is the first resource that I found when I google searched \"why don\'t people like me\". I know it\'s not my hygiene that\'s for sure. I am constantly looking for acceptance from people and try everything to \"fit in\" and NOTHING ever plays out in my favor, I am so lost and down on myself I don\'t know what to do, but I can\'t continue down this same path, something has got to give.... Please someone help me figure out what I am doing wrong. There is so much more that I need to get off my chest, but I don\'t have time to write a novel as I\'m sure you don\'t have time to read one........Sorry. Clickable links are not allowed in blog entries until you've been a member for 5 days.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

for autism spectrum testing there are some online tests
which will maybe give you a bit more of a handle
or not.
ps you may not be doing anything wrong.
people are very difficult -I've been a black sheep
a lot. Occasionally plaid.

Give yourself a break let the world fit in with you
cause if you are like me they don't have the right shaped hole for your peg

Hi Leprechaun, my suggestion would be to go see a gentle, compassionate, caring therapist. I've been dx'ed AS, and even though I was born without the software for social and interpersonal interactions, I'm very slowly learning how to interrelate. I, too, was always an outcast, and still pretty much am. But, I'm learning to at least be able to have a few friends. I"m also learning to accept myself and feel good about myself as I am, and stop trying to pretend to be someone else.

One thing I have learned, is that when I was desperate for acceptance, I came across as needy and that scared people off. I also go to Al Anon because I've had lots of alcoholism in my family, and the people here are extremely accepting, way more so than in the rest of the world. At least that has been my own experience.

Hi Leprechaun-
I can relate to what you're saying and I just recently started posting here as well. This seems like the right place to vent so please keep posting as it might be exactly what you need to help get you past the next hurdle.

If you feel a connection to the qualities and characteristics of Aspergers, then that's the right place to look for help and resources. What you said parallels my life and one thing that I can say is that you're going to have to stop trying so hard to figure other people out. You are different and that's a good thing. If you relate to Aspergers, then that probably means you're very honest and straight forward. You probably don't judge people based on their appearance or other superficial reasons. I'm assuming you put a lot of effort into finding ways to socialize with others simply because you want to relate to people. Most people, especially once they've entered adulthood, have motive and purpose for their interactions. I don't mean this in a bad way, because it appears to be a learned trait set by society (sell, sell, sell).

I don't know if this will make sense or if you can relate to this but it's something I ponder. I never understood why someone would give me their business card or "sell me" on something when in a social situation that's meant for hanging out and relaxing. I've disappointed bosses when I refused to participate in "networking" especially outside of work hours (I won't take a job that requires networking because apparently that means you're supposed to lie for your boss and/or company). I am so turned off by social engineering and networking for the purpose of doing business at engagements, and at all costs. I don't understand why it's so accepted.

I can sense I'm about to go off on a tangent and I know I've gone off course from what you said, but I just want you to know that I can relate. I don't know if I qualify on any level of disability as far as the diagnosis, but I only say that because I assume there are varying degrees and not all are considered "legally" debilitating. I don't know you, but I'd wager a guess you'd be less bothered by those that don't "get" you, if you were connected to people who shared your understanding of socializing. It's not about being lumped into a diagnosis or group, but more about having the opportunity to be around people who you don't have to exhaust all your efforts trying to figure out how to socialize.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time and you probably exhaust much of your energy trying to figure out what the hell you've done wrong. It's a lot of pressure too and you can't be yourself under those conditions. Talk to some people on here. I bet you'll feel better.