I'm new and I need help

Post Reply New Topic

I'm 44 and I just figured out that I have AS. I have asked my GP for a referral for clinical evaluation, however with the British National Health Service it will take 3-6 months before I see anyone.

I found out I have this only because my youngest son has just been diagnosed and reading the literature about his condition rang a lot of bells. We are sure my middle son has this also.

This condition explains why I've completely buggered up my 'working' life. (my wife would object to me just saying "buggered up my life" since I have her and three precious children). It really explains it so perfectly but it doesn't help with the future, and its the future that I need help with - that is if any of you happen to be inclined towards helping others with the same condition, and if none of you do, that's fine and I apologize for burdening you with my problems.

After throwing away careers as a research scientist and Bacteriology Lab Technician I ended up as a software developer - not because I am particularly interested in computers, but just because it turned out that I am very very good at it. I hated every single post I had but stuck at it principally because I got a huge pay rise every time I moved and I falsely thought the next job would be better. It never was and it was always the social side of the job that made me miserable. Coding is actually quite a lot of fun.

Eventually I just gave up with office life and tried several things, like selling stamps, then lingerie on ebay. I started a gardening business and then a web design company. Now I recognize that I switched from one idea to the next due to the obsessive side of AS and my middle son is exactly the same. He gets mad keen on something and persists until the next thing comes along and then he completely forgets the first thing in favour of the new thing. The first thing actually becomes totally boring.

Even now I have noticed that I have a new idea: a plant delivery service or online garden centre which combines my interests in travelling, the web and horticulture and so now I can't bear to even complete current projects I am working on for my web customers because I am so mad keen to start this new project.

How the hell do I overcome this? Is it possible to have strong interests that one can utilize to form the basis of a career that don't waver and get replaced by the next new idea?

If anyone else knows what I am talking about here and can help I would very much appreciate it.

Thanks,
Adso

Bore dda Adso!

Good afternoon, and welcome to WrongPlanet. Hope you like us lot.

Welcome to Wrong Planet! I'm sure you'll fit in here just fine.

I think I can help you just email me ok.

I think he's talking Welsh. (It's probably something like 'hello', although I'm more than happy to be corrected).

my patner is 54 years old and he has had many different jobs .he gets restless or sometime doesnt understand the BS of the workplace pecking order. he had his longest job in the desert in central australia and held that down because he didnt have to deal with many people. i know this doesnt really help you but you are not alone

Welcome. I'm in the same situation. Found out cuz of my son getting diagnosed. I'm 43. I was relieved to find out there was a reason I had so much problems with life. Good luck on getting your questions answered. Just wanted to respond to let you know you're not alone.

Bienvenidos/Shalom/Welcome.

Welcome to the Wrong Planet I hope You learn about Aspergers that can help You and Your son(s).

Adso

I heard an interview with a woman named Barbara Sher who talked about people who can't stick with one career - and how to take advantage of that kind of attitude. I recognised myself in quite a bit of her descriptions.

A while ago I heard about an earlier book of hers - which I still think I ought to read, except the newer one sounds better. "Refuse to choose" (a career).

There's more here...

http://www.barbarasher.com

The two titles I liked the look of
"I could do anything if only I knew what it was"
and
"refuse to choose"

The only way I can finish stuff is to work the 80/20 rule ie 80% of the tasks gets done in 20% of the time and vice versa. Ie the last 80% of the time on a task can really drag because it takes so long to achieve so little. At some point you have to limit your scope and stop trying to make the thing perfect, and say it does what it needs to now, it might not be as elegant and pretty as I'd like but I'll stop now.

The other thing I have to do is kind of bribe myself. Decide what is most important and do that first and make sure I spend a set amount of time on it, and then when I have, then I can reward myself with something else that I'd rather be doing.

I also heard of a strategy - used to complete university degrees - the students made a rule they could only work for two hours on the project a day. This might seem weird but it meant they made damn sure that two hours counted. But it also worked because it was harder to procrastinate and say you could catch it up some other time. Unfortunately this is not a successful strategy for me.

What works for me is a goal - which might be quite simple, but it has to be very BIG and LOUD. And I have to work quite hard to stay focussed on it. I am doing this because the reward is this and I want the reward - I really do.

Hi Adso,
My partner is 42 and we have recently realised that he has AS. He's always had the same problems as you with work.
Since he realised that he's an Aspie he quit his stressful driving job, and took a drop in pay to work part time with trees at a nursery. The best part is he has no problem with the social side as the people he works with are very chilled and good natured. Nobody thinks he's a smart a** when he makes suggestions on bringing in more walk-in trade, or rattles off the latin names of whatever he's planting. The environment is beautiful, peaceful & quiet.

The thing that I've noticed is, he's realised that his AS has been holding him back all his life and now he knows why he's accepted his limits. He knows he's smart enough to be a physicist but when he was at school they assumed he wasn't capable of college. At this point in his life I think the most important thing is that he doesn't dread each day. He's a totally different person than he used to be-I can't remember the last time he had a meltdown and I'm not walking on eggshells at home any more.

It may not be possible to find well paid employment in an area of interest for a lot of Aspies. My partner has always enjoyed plants, but has always thought that as he's capable of doing 'thinking' jobs he should be using his abilities to make a living. He liked driving, (just him and the radio) but it was the deadlines and interaction with stressed out people that ruined it, and carried on ruining his evenings & weekends cos he knew there was more of it to come. Not to mention the outraged reactions when he delivered to warehouses and shared his thoughts on the most efficient way to run them! (Well I was just being helpful, they're obviously wasting money doing it that way...)

I'm rambling but my point is that the way you earn a living doesn't have to be the best use of your intellectual ability. Maybe those kinds of jobs are just too stressful. Do a simple job with no more social interaction than you can cope with, and you won't be too emotionally drained at the end of the day to enjoy your obsessions!

Hello and welcome.