'nother weird kid joins the party

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hey all! I'm stopping in to say hello- I've been lurking for a few weeks and figured I'd get out of the corner and introduce myself.

I'm Megan. I'm undiagnosed with AS as of yet, but have been diagnosed major depressive and OCD in my childhood (I'm 21 now) and am going for an evaluation to get a diagnosis cuz.. well.. I know in my heart (which does not seem to be connected to my voicebox) as well as from all the criteria I've read, that I belong on planet Asperg, and lately my mind is reaching farther and farther out into orbit, while my body is here on Earth snoozing or blinking at the bright light.

Now since the thought has been jumping jacks in my cranial pack for quite some time, I'll describe a conundrum in which I've recently found myself. I used to be pretty outspoken about things I'd hear that pissed me off- inconsistencies and extreme injustices in the world of politics and power, lack of empathy and motivation on the part of others- and then I realized I was pissing off my friends or was not really making a value judgment. I also started to realize that there was something very strange about the way I communicated and related to other people, and for the past maybe 4-5 months, I have had little to nothing to say. I've just recently started a new job and have to ride around with another person in a car for several hours sometimes- and I am ridiculously silent. When introduced to new people, I can't seem to formulate my opinions in a way that is anything more than a relation or recollection of information that I've heard- and I'm often left shrugging to the response of "so what?". Maybe this is because I have recently met more new people who are opinionated or at least articulate, well informed and like to talk about themselves, and I am more frequently expected to initiate discussion and deliver opinions or stories about myself, and in the face of the challenge of driving down the street to a destination, I instead run straight off the road or simply pull over, park, and turn on my hazard lights. As in, I have a nasty habit of taking beautifully woven concepts and generalizing the intricacy out of them, or else making very generalized, blank statements that leave people as silent as I am.

Does this make sense to anyone?

Sorry for the novel could've just said, "hello" huh?

hello Megan, welcome to WP . silent is ok. i have long thought that when in doubt it is better to keep one's mouth closed and be thought daft about, than to open one's mouth and then remove all doubt. it sorta rhymes, so it is easier to remember that way.

Hello Megan, good to meet you. I'm new too.

Read your novel, wonder what happened 4 - 5 months ago that instigated the change in your communication style? Does that coincide with the new job and new people? New people and environment have been known to shut me up like a clam, or render me mysteriously incapable of coherent speech. I'd be projecting if I hypothesized, so I won't. Do you have other clues to the mystery?

Hi and welcome to WP - and no, "hello" would not even been half as interesting as your post, .

"Does this make sense to anyone?"

Very much so.
Happens to me a lot.

Most people are detecting patterns and structures just as much as you and I do, but they do not "state" them that often.
It is not often part of the conversation, it happens "inside" their brains and they use the end-product of this analysis to develop their own addition to the original thought and then contribute to the discussion.
You and I seem to analyse, and after having "boned" out the structure, present this as a preliminary intellectual result and to ensure we understood what our conversation partners meant.

They look at us saying "and your point being...?"
decoded meaning: " you have been thinking all this time and all you can come up with is stating the bleeding obvious? "

They are just expecting us to be already a step ahead at the "creative" part ( adding a personal thought to the discussion ) and we are puzzled that somebody is not interested in first getting all the facts right before proceding into further discussion.
They do not understand that the assessment of the structure was preliminary and we are about to embark on our creative voyage.
"So what?" and "And your point being?" gives us the feeling of not being capable to contribute anything of value to the other person and stops us dead in our tracks, and the other person thinks, "Meh, i could have figured that one out myself. What's the point talking to this weirdo?"

Having nothing to say for a while is nothing bad, because you realize it and you also realize that you were different in the past. making unwelcome judgements and having difficulty relating productively with people.
Maybe it is your time to sit back for a while and enjoy becoming more "mature" (eeewwwwww - the last thing you want to do at 21, ).

Welcome!

Welcome!

Welcome, Megan, to the Wrong Planet forums.

To WrongPlanet!! !