My name is Edward. I seem to show a lot of Aspie qualities, I'm also excessively introverted and most likely bipolar. I also feel like nobody wants anything to do with me or wants me putting my nose into their business. So as a result of trying not to bother other people I may tend to come off as uncaring, uninvolved in other people's problems, and in general uninterested in other people. This had lead to my downfall in life and on other sites and is the reason I am just going to be up front about my issues here. I am incapable of making close friends since I have tremendous trust issues stemming from a lifetime of the rare few people that could stand my personality promising me they would always be there for me as a friend, and each and every one now has me blacklisted.
I am completely aware that the last two I lost over the past decade left because I couldn't trust them to stay. And one because I was falling for her and while she was completely willing to be my best friend, she had a stable emotionally healthy boyfriend and I knew she didn't need me messing up her life with the eventual proclamation of love I knew I was heading towards making.
I'm interested in making music, drawing anime, sculpting, video game design, and writing. Unfortunately I am plagued with an inability to properly finish any project I start as my talent drops to nothing at the end and I "choke", ruining the final result and making it unusable.
My body works against me. I have jaw spasms in my sleep causing me to snap my teeth shut onto my tongue, and muscle spasms causing me to slam my foot into the wall, or situations where I will wake up in a half daze and unconsciously do something destructive like carefully line my pillow up on my hands like I am balancing a plate, and toss the pillow into the lamp, knocking it over. Or mentally picture food and snap my teeth together, causing my teeth to pop across each other in such a way that I am sure I will end up chipping them one day.
I have a mountain of problems that I am sure are not unique in any way, and I will undoubtedly unload them all at some point during my time here. I hope everyone can be patient with me, though. There is no way out of this mess I am in, so all I can do is vent every once in a while.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you all have a great day. (:
24 Jul 2012, 4:08 am
