Hello My name is Shanti. I have always felt that i think differently than my peers. I am a Visual thinker that has been obsessed with automobiles for many years now. Automobiles are just one of my obsessions, but my longest to date. I am majoring in chemistry at the moment. But all of that is not what has brought me to the conclusion that i might have a Asperger's. I have felt emotionally detached from every one in my life, for as long as i can remember. I will more often than not find myself insulting acquaintances, and being pompous. I have had many friends over the years, none ending on bad terms. Yet i am alone With not a single person to hang out with on a Friday night. I recently ended a more than 2 year relationship with my GF. I hope this does not sound like a pity party, because i am not a sad individual. i feel that my life is going for the most part how i would like it to go.
I had no idea what my problem could be until just a couple weeks ago. I was assigned a paper in my psychology class on a speech by Temple Grandin. They way she described a person with AS resonated with who i am, and since i have had the idea on my mind.
Just before That assignment i found myself writing some casual, depressed poetry. I have pasted That poem below. I hope to gain some insight into who I am by getting some feedback. I have no desire to have a formal diagnoses, but i would like to know what those of you who are in the spectrum have to say. I have only spoke with my mom about this, and her jaded perspective has been little help. So how about it, do you guys think i have asperger's or could i just be another troubled youth?
Lost perception
Looking up at a starry sky
seems so expansive am I alone.
There is so much, alone, but why,
all that their is exist, nothing more made of stone.
Made of stars, gas fusion.
We are all alive.
It's not my choice, all an illusion.
Just a vibratory compaction, of which we derive
Creation is true,
We are made in whole.
Not sent from above, simultaneous correlations we grew
from ground to surface, we would be nothing without the mole.
Not more or less we must remember,
equal is our part in universe synergy.
My pull is a push from here to Saturn and farther still, from now till next September.
Every one and every thing is bound by a common rule, inhale exhale moments of energy
Time is slow for those that run
the fastest, escaping inevitable degradation.
My feet can't carry me fast as I wish, only in my ship mind spun.
Forever a synapse in a relative continuum of forever, I find my desperation
I find myself among friends in my loneliness,
the hanging moon orbiting predictably.
Finding each other in a desolate landscape, drawn in empty spaciousness.
A partner in flight, together we wobble among axis's respectively.
stuck face to face
never changing its expression, a serene entity.
Lost to each other with the radiation in our eyes, if only we were not lost in space.
This equilibrium balanced by integral law, the antidote for the increasing perplexity.
P.S. I don't write much poetry, and could care less if it is any good. My only intention in posting this was to convey how i have been feeling
07 Nov 2010, 1:39 am
