Confused

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Hello all,

I've had a sneaking suspicion for 7-8 years now that I've got AS, and that feeling got a lot stronger today: About half an hour ago, I was reading about it on wikipedia, and ended up here. I went straight to the articles section, read the list of titles, and burst out crying (with relief, I think). I'm a 31 year old bloke who doesn't generally cry without good reason.

But then I had a look at the UK's NAS website, and the AS page in particular, and I'm not so sure. I can understand facial expressions just fine, as well as jokes, metaphors and turns-of-phrase. I have no trouble communicating with people who don't use short and clear sentences. I've got no particular love of routine. I don't have trouble with abstract thought (in fact, I probably overdo it), and I'm not particularly unimaginative.
So what gives? I read on wikipedia that AS is sometimes misunderstood as a medical badge for geeks with poor social skills, is that what I am? The few times I tried explaining to friends or family what it's like, I've been told in a dismissive sort of way that it's like that for everyone. Any chance of an amateur diagnosis here, based on the following?

* not very good at making friends
* obsessive about computer programming
* no good at all with the opposite sex
* strongly dislike social occasions
* prone to depression
* can't handle more than an hour or two of human interaction at a time
* used to struggle to hold up my end of a conversation (have improved after a lot of practice)
* will work obsessively on a project for a month or two, then abandon it and start a new one
* prone to freaking out at the slight noises at night
* I don't know if this is relevant, but I really dislike the effects alcohol

I'm not sure that it matters whether I qualify for the club or not; it would be nice to have some kind of explanation for why I am how I am, but then again, what's the difference? I still have to do all that stuff that people expect other people to do, right?

Klasso, Asperger's is a spectrum disorder. AS is different for everyone. Those National Autism Society sites tend to be very stereotypical in their descriptions of AS. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because they serve almost exclusively the parents of children with AS and don't have alot of input from adult aspies about what goes on their website?

If it rang so true for you when you read the description, chances are you've finally had the big "Ahaaaa" moment that alot of us older aspies experienced when we first learned of AS. I know I had a similar reaction. I didn't cry, but I sure was excited. To have an answer after so many years of struggle.. wow. The day I found out I had AS was a great day for me.

So...congratulations.

I hope you find the resources you need and hang out here to chat with us. This is a great forum.

There are many people here who do not know if they 100% fit into the club, including myself, but chances are, if you think you fit into the club, that likely you do. I have a number of non-aspie traits, including the ability to make eye contact. But I've got lots of aspie traits as well.

Do you think visually? Do you communicate better in writing than speaking?

klassobanieras

Try doing the quiz in the members only section.

Also try to remember how you were as a kid, or now, when you're under stress. Consider your most embarrasing dark shameful secrets - do they fit the aspergers pattern?

If you're not good at making friends, but you have no trouble reading faces or communicating - what is going wrong?

Do you have a gift for offending people and having no idea what you said or did to upset them. One minute it's all laughs and then suddenly they seem to go right off you and get all quiet and monosylabic?

And

Consider these questions...

what does "many's the slip twixt cup and lip" mean - and no googling.
and
why are love and hate the same?
why are blue and red the same?

Thanks for the replies.
The quiz says I'm probably an aspie (118 aspie/57 NT). I think I'll go get diagnosed one way or the other; the prospect of an explanation is too good to pass up.

klassobanieras

The tricky thing about getting a formal diagnosis is finding a diagnostician who is familiar with Aspergers, and doesn't just tell you you're not based on a 30 minute interview.

And Aspergers is not quite the same as Autism and you can't use quite the same system to diagnose. You will read all through here that people get told they are not Aspie because of all sorts of stupid reasons - like they don't sit in the corner and rock or that they do make eye contact etc.

According to Tony Attwood, a diagnositc interview for a child should take at least an hour - covering all the asperger's attributes, the clinician should "engineer situations to elicit specific behaviour". The clinician should also interview the parents or teachers.

According to my therapist, it may also be a good idea for the clinician to see how you behave outside - for instance shopping or queuing for lunch - socially interacting with strangers who may or may not be polite.

I believe there is real difficulty for clinicians to diagnose adults, because it is hard to tell for them what behaviour is natural for you and what you have learned to compensate for by the time you are an adult. Your natural impulse might be one thing, but you have learned that this is inappropriate or counter productive - so you consiously(?) substitute another behaviour.

If you feel aspie fits you - there is nothing to stop you using the information this gives to manage yourself - formal diagnosis or not.

Thanks for the advice wobbegong. It's definitely a concern whether or not I can get a valid diagnosis, given that I do a reasonable NT impersonation. The UK NAS (or a center affiliated to them) do diagnoses and I'm waiting to hear back from them; I reckon I'll ask them about this and see what they think.

The reason I want a formal diagnosis is that some of the people I've told so far have reacted with scepticism - the instant I hear "it's like that for everyone", I know how the conversation's going to turn out. I end up having to go into all the gory and intimate details in order to convince them, and even then I get the sense that they think I'm exaggerating. It's stupid, but a formal diagnosis would carry more weight with certain people.

Damn, this feels good though. I told my mum today, and it was fantastic to have a context within which all this stuff can make sense to her. If I just told her out of the blue that I rarely sleep before 5am because I get freaked out by the slightest creak or rustle, she'd think I was insane.

After a few reactions of complete denial and then dawning acceptance from some of my friends, I decided that there wasn't much point telling friends and family. I consider it inside knowledge to help me.

I suppose if someone is particularily frustrated or pleased by something I do - I could say that's Aspergers - I'm hard wired that way. And they will learn what it means to have Aspergers because I teach them. I can't really expect them to understand without ever being taught.

So many people react as if you're trying to tell them you're an autistic monster who likes to sit in the corner and rock like the stereotypical insane asylum inmate. Ie clearly you aren't so clearly what you are trying to tell them is wrong, right? No?

How many people do you want to personally educate? Which ones are worth the effort.

I haven't told my mum yet. I have told my sister and she's in denial and she's a clincial psychologist with a masters degree. Sigh.

It definitely helps that we live in a different world to that of 10 years ago. People (the ones I know anyway) have been exposed to so much diversity through TV and the net that not very much seems to shock or surprise them anymore. There's a guy with Tourettes on Big Brother (a reality show currently on UK TV), and he was immediately embraced by the general public for what he is - a nice, caring, funny guy, who happens to shout "w*kers!" every few minutes. It doesn't hurt that he's not self-conscious about the Tourettes, and doesn't supress it or try to act too normal.

Another thing that's made it easier for me is that I know that "what's wrong with Mike?" has been a conversation topic among most of my friends and family, so they were already set up to hear an explanation, especially one with a medical label. The ones that care about me are just glad to see me happy.

Sorry to hear your sister is in denial. I don't know anything about your family situation so I don't really know what to say. I've found that the unconditional love thing that mums do helps a lot though.

My gosh somone cloned me.

My mum frequently tries to "fix" me, she means well, she thinks if I can fix certain aspects of my behaviour then my life will be better. I can see her point of view but it is stressful, especially when some of the things she wants to "fix" like how I dress and who I hang out with, I don't want to change.

I think my sister will do the research and figure out the fit for herself. That's usually how we communicate these days. I plant an idea - and she has to check it out thoroughly before she will accept it. So I'm not worried that she disagrees at the moment - when I talked to her about it she was thinking autistic - non communicative person, and I'm not that.

We've got a touretter on the Australian BB show too - his name is John and he clucks when he's not talking and the sound can obscure what other people are saying. I find it intensely annoying even though I know he doesn't do it on purpose. I can't figure out how he clucks either, which is also a bit annoying. I see him doing it, but I can't figure out how it works. When I do the same action with my jaw - no clucking. Apart from the clucking he's one of the nicest characters on the show, also the youngest and I feel afraid for him because some of the others come across like amoral lying backstabbers (ooh the drama).

klassobanieras, lets be clear on something. You fit here. Whatever kind of person you are, you have a place here. Please feel welcome.

I am an undiagnosed 34 year old. I dont show most of the overt signs either. As people mature, they learn to overcome deficiets with little tricks, and aspies, near as I know, are not terribly introspective. I read about AS several times not clueing in. It took an event in life to make me 'wake up' and draw the parallel.

Fuzzy

aspies and introspection?

I'm extremely introspective.

I get to the extreme meta meta introspective self judgement level of thinking

"making judgements about myself and how I think and feel in relation to how I think about how I feel about what I've done and how I feel about that (insert multiple recursions here)."

It can be a little bit paralyzing.

But I didn't twig to me being aspie or more like what being aspie meant even after I did the geek test from wired, YEARS ago. My reaction was aspie - so tell me something I don't know. Except - that's where the information ended for the time. I wasn't the least bit curious about how the knowledge could be useful.

I've always known I was weird, different etc. Lots of my friends were like that too. I just didn't know anyone had made a study of the traits together and developed strategies etc. I also didn't know the connection with aspergers and perfectionism, depression and anxiety. I was pretty familiar with the connection between aspergers, and geeks (people who like messing with computers), engineers, scientists, doctors etc. I missed the connection with families, and the affinity for animals (aspie farmers).

Not so confused anymore.

The more I read and post here, the more I feel like I fit in and am understood (which is a very novel sensation indeed). Sincere thanks to everyone for their help.