This is my first post here. I'm 30 years old, male, and have struggled with mental illness (recurring depressive episodes) for most of my adult life. I was also diagnosed with mild OCD and Social Anxiety Disorder. I was never quite content that these things explained all my "difficulties", but I tend to be very trusting when it comes to doctors, so I didn't pursue it much further. I only started investigating asperger's a couple weeks ago by chance. I like learning random stuff on the Internet. Sometimes, I'll hear something on TV or in the news or a video game that I don't recognize or makes me curious and look it up. I don't remember where I heard about Asperger's or even when (it's rather random, I'll just suddenly remember there was something I wanted to look up weeks or months ago but forgot), just that I heard it somewhere and didn't know what it was.
Once I looked it up I noticed a lot of symptoms were similar to OCD, so I investigated further. I found a lot of descriptions that fit me very well, especially when I was a child. As an adult, I've broken many of these that I simply thought of as "bad habits". I also have Crohn's and learned that people with autism spectrum disorders may be more likely to have this and other digestive disorders.
I am awkward and uncomfortable in social situations even when I'm not really nervous or afraid. I find I tire quickly when I'm in a group situation, especially if it's social focused rather than task focused. For instance, in college, I did fairly well in group classwork when we were focused on a project or something (perhaps respect for my high grades and intelligent question answers in class made people tolerate me), but just talking with people socially, for example, when on a bus ride to an academic team meet, was harder. A group of more than about 3 or 4 people leaves me exhausted after a couple of hours, even when it's people I've known all my life. A roomful of people just meeting and greeting (for example a job fair), leaves me confused, and frustrated in a few minutes.
I have several other traits that seem "aspie" to me. I am constantly moving. I pick at the skin around my fingernails. I bounce my legs incessantly while sitting. I sway back and forth when standing in place, moving my weight back and forth from one foot to another. I often pace back and forth when thinking intensely. At restaurants, I coil straw papers into little rolls. As a child, I used to twirl my hair, click pens and pencils, drum my fingers, etc. I clip clothes tags out of my clothes because they drive me nuts with the itching. When I was a child, I loved swimming, yet I would throw fits if I got my shirt wet. I can concentrate very hard for several hours on one thing so long as it holds my interest, (usually video games or work), and it bothers me when I'm interrupted. During my childhood, I loved learning and knowing lots of facts about things like snakes, animals, dinosaurs, history, and geography. I had lots of books like this, including some that were sort of odd for a kid to have like a reptile identification handbook, but I never read or had much interest in fiction until I was a teenager. I could hold intelligent conversations with my parents about history and science by the time I was about 8 years old (my dad was a history buff and my parents were both chemistry majors and highly intelligent people). I've often read descriptions of Asperger's children as sounding like "little adults" or "walking encyclopedias" and I've often been described in similar ways by my parents and others. As an adult, my only remaining obsession is video games. I play mostly RPGs and tend to be the sort of player that uses Internet FAQs and stuff to find every treasure and what not, though I also play some turn based strategy games as well.
I've read a lot of posts on here from different people and it seems really familiar to me. I haven't gotten for an official diagnosis, and I'm still unsure about any self-diagnosis, but I see enough information that I'm planning to bring it up with my regular counselor and my psychiatrist as well next appointment. I just wanted to see how my experiences and symptoms compared with others to see if I'm onto something or way off base. I scored a 132 AS, 65 NT on the aspie quiz, and I've scored 40 on the Simon Baron-Cohen test. I was going to post links to the ones I took but it doesn't let me post links.
30 Nov 2010, 12:48 am
