I am brand new to this forum. A Dad seeking help.

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I have a 19 year old daughter that has been diagnosed with Aspergers recently. It is at least a third diagnosis. Of course in the early years it was ADD and then Bipolar, then Borderline Personality Disorder, with obsessive compulsive disorder, relationship disorder, depression and anxiety. Recently she has been diagnosed as Aspergers. She has been in a treatment facility for a year but still lacks the tools to be on her own. There is so much more to tell, she is a beautiful young lady but has never been truly happy in a very long time. I would love to be able to bounce some things off of others and learn more about helping her. I so look forward to the sharing of ideas........thanks in advance..........Koach52

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid, a few years ago I was diagnosed with a mild case of Aspergers (the fact that it is mild may make this information irrelavent), OCD, and Tourettes. I was really depressed when I was her age, in fact, that was the age (or 18?, I'm not sure) that I snapped, tried to commit suicide, was discovered, and got locked up in the acute unit for a few days. My current doctor wanted to put me through electro-shock, I was very against that and my mother found another doctor that was able to help me. I hope that doesn't scare you but I felt it was information that was relavent. I believe what helped me the most was finding the right doctor that could find the right meds, exploring new hobbies and finding some that I really enjoyed, and getting a job I really enjoy. I'm not sure what the answer is for her, but I hope someone here is able to help you find it.

Welcome.

What's the treatment facility like? Do they teach life skills and/or social skills?

I was diagnosed at about the same age. I was (and sometimes still am) depressed easily by various things. Difficulty making friends being a big issue. Assumptions that I knew what was going on in a social context being another issue, when people realised I really didn't have a clue sometimes (and explained what I did that wasn't correct) things got a bit easier for me. It may be different for your daughter, everyone is different, but I'll help as I can.

Just letting you know, trust your instincts as regards your daughter. If a "professional" sounds like a quack they probably are. Sometimes we can have ibs so in such a context, diet can help but be careful about diets that claim to cure AS. They can sometimes be harmful.

Also, sometimes depression and anxiety can come from being bullied or other negitive experiences with social experiences. I know I fear meeting new people now because of hostility that I didn't understand in my teens and older.

One more thing, asking questions helps, being qentle asking them with her is best, She is the expert on herself and her needs but she may not know it yet.

While you're seeking assistance to help your daughter develop independence skills, you should also find some adult Asperger advocacy groups near by, and talk to the advocacy group, rather than a treatment. Your daughter should also find solace here we have wealth of advice, of how to adjust to life in the "real world", as Aspergers share comedy of living among NT's (Neural Typicals, aka Normals).

Tell us more about your daughter. About the misdiagnostics Autism is also bedfellows with a myriad of other overlapping issues, or perhaps display mannerisms that misguide the diagnosticer with red herring like behaviors, hence the term Disorder. Disorders are like really "S" cars, you bring it in, and the mechanic mishears a certain pin, and does the wrong work.

But be relieved, that if indeed she does have Aspergers, then pretty much it's the "Geek" disease, that her selected close friend circles are very well scrutnized and chosen, as very rarely, like stereotypical Wizards do Aspies let people in. And if she lacks affection for you, feel not offended. I love my dad, but somehow my brain doesn't factor in hug, unless it's really special. This is good, because like a cat, if you have earned his or her trust. You and the friends really deserve it.

Welcome!

Welcome greetings to the Wrong Planet neighborhood, Koach52.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

You could probably subdue her tendency for mental breakdowns by being emotionally indifferent without seeming condescending (I seem to get along with people who freak out easily, which I would attribute to my AS). Giving her a sense of control would probably help the borderline and ADD type symptoms. If she does have aspergers and/or ADD, finding people who share her interests may help. Giving more info on the specific problem/s would help us give more particular advice...

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My daughter has been in a ranch setting with therapy and social skill training as well as some internship, job and life skills. She has been there over a year. I am not always happy with her efforts to make changes for herself and i am not always in agreement with her treatment. It has been very expensive and a real financial drain. We sort of rolled the dice on this being what she needed. Within about 2 months she will complete the program. I do not feel that she would benefit by coming back into our house. We have always tried to help her make decisions that would avoid serious consquences and I know that she will have to be on her own in order to grow. She has of course had very few female friends over the years and has made a lot of bad impulsive choices as far as men. She is very small, and cute young lady but very immature and impulsive about her sexual behaviors. She has had a hard time following through on schooling, and has lost several jobs due to impulsive behaviors, crying, becoming upset, and even walking off the job when upset. She has some training as a dental assistant and seems to like the work but will have a difficult time acquiring and keeping a job in that field, or at least I fear that she will. She has a mother that has done more to help her than any mother ever could but they have a real love/hate relationship. I can give you more details of her behaviors if needed. She seems to also have a real relationship disorder which prohibits her from ever truly being happy. She always wants to have a man in her life .....to be happy.....and then as soon as there is one she completely smothers it as she constantly worries about it ending. She badgers them about their earlier relationships, constantly demanding reassurance etc until she completely kills the relationship......and then is of course devestated. She has been in abusive relationships that she was lucky to be out of ...but becomes obsessed with getting back together with them etc. I guess I am looking for help in setting up her next phase of life. I can't afford to subsidize her rent, utilities, car etc. and I dont think that is what is healthy. She just needs so much propping up from time to time. IS there a good way of going about finding compatible roommates for someone like this, affordable therapy, life coach, and other necessities. How do I phase her out of a dependency on us and still protect her from serious consequences that could come from her behaviors. She will likely be trying to settle in the Kansas City area. I will stop for now and hope that some of you will take the time to read all of this and perhaps give me some ideas to get started with. Thanks in advance.....