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Hello,

I am Natasja, 36 years old, living together with my boyfriend and cat.
I spent my life observing and learning how to fit in the world and as a result I got a nice job, welcoming reception when we came to live in this small village and sufficient skill at void speechpatterns.

Also I am tired, an epic feeling tiredness which is not resolved by sleeping nor holidays.

My whole life, I have loved horses and cats, but horses especially. The nice job enabled me to buy a horse for my own and hanging out together makes me very happy.
The horse is not quite neurotypical and I am lately starting to realize: neither am I.

Half a year ago, I was at a wedding party.
At the party I asked a random person "How are you?".
Much to my surprise, I got an actual answer to this line that, as I learnt, was not really considered a question.
We then chatted intensely for hours about martial arts, abstract views on the world, on people, on mechanisms. It is hard to find words for the topics we discussed. We somehow could easily follow each others thought patterns and divert, extrapolate, do whatever sprang to mind. It was like an extra dimension in communication. Somewhere during the conversation the other person mentioned being on the autism spectrum.

Months later, my boyfriend came up with a movie suggestion: "Temple Grandin". We watched it together and I recognized alot. Hmmm.
Add concerned advice from my boss that I looked very tired and might want to think about what the company could help me with. Then I found myself browsing the wrong planet website.

Now we are a few weeks later and I have an appointment for diagnosis several weeks from now. During my rehearsal conversations for the diagnosis session, I figured out a good starting issue.
I want to learn how to cope with the world in a less exhausting way.

Playing both the role of me and the role of the diagnosis-doctor in the rehearsal talks, I asked myself what I am doing that takes so much energy.
Well, the answer would be: "these kind of rehearsal talks" for example. As well as post-analysis and digestion of every social interaction.
Hypothetical doctor: "What if you do that a bit less?".
Me: "Hmm I got no clue, let's try it.".
So I tried that (took dozens of inhibitions per minute at start) and it felt scary at first but better now. I am less tired. I do appear less consistent though.

Reading on the wrong planet forum, I feel quite at home. If I were to guess, I think myself as having Asperger's. No official diagnosis yet though.

I have already put some of the advice I picked up here in practise and am benefitting from it.
I wish to continue that and hope to be able to contribute as well.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome aboard greetings to the WP, Natasja.

Welcome!

Welcome to WP!

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Welcome!

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to Wrong Planet.
You sure remind me of myself. I totally understand you about thinking about what to say! Especially earlier in my life. I have gotten sooo much better at it thought.
I can relate talking to NT's the same way as playing a guitar. You have to put your fingers in the right places, you have to strum at the right time. You have to do all this stuff to make it seem right. When talking you have to look at the person, you have to use complete sentences and and all that other stuff they like to do.

You were talking about the wedding. Do you think the person you were talking to had autism too? Do you think that is why you talked a lot?

Thanks for the warm welcome.
I am still peeking around a bit mostly reading.
It is good to have a place where I do not have to filter and alter like I need to do in everyday life.

I like the guitar example. I tried playing, but only thing I could do was copying. I had no idea how to just make up "something".
But then I tried a bass guitar and that just made sense to me. No idea why, but I stuck with it and did not have to think like I had to do with the guitar. Strange when I think about it; they are very similar instruments.

The schematics I use in my head to do social stuff get easier over time.
I tend to look behind a person, similar to what you do when trying to find 3D images in those patterned books.
That gives me good responses. Still have to learn to look a bit longer though, but it is so hard.


I had never thought of that myself, but he said it to me literally "I have a form of autism".
We noticed ourselves that we talked alot and talked about that as well.
I remember something along the lines "there are not many like us" when mentioning how enjoyable the conversation was. Not sure if he then meant "us, autism persons" or "us, people that talk this way".

I talked alot because it was such a pleasure to be understood in my basic language. The unfiltered one, I mean by that. Just talking without all that "give examples", "build up from very simple concept" tweaking.
It took relatively few words to get alot of understanding. We could also twist multiple topics easily.

Do you think this is a typical autism thing?

I am not really sure. I have never talked to anybody else that has aspergers or autism. But I suspect it is.

Hi Nastasja!

What do you mean by "twist multiple topics easily"? Going off on tangents?

I like how you mentioned "rehearsal talks". I do that all the time! It's so embarrassing because I want to do it in the car and whatnot. Big no no!

You do sound similar to me, in a lot of ways.

Glad to meet you here!

Hello Rubybear,


for me it is comforting to discover here that I am not alone in this.
Getting the recognition for example on the rehearsal talks made me talk about that with my mother.
And guess what, she does it too! Alot. And she said grandma had the very same thing.
It is not something you confess naturally, maybe because with it you admit that talking is planned and not spontaneous.

I can talk non-planned though, with those very close to me.
That tends to sound alot like child-speech, with many words that do not exist but that I just use.
Every day there can be a new word for something. Like right now, I think of the pillow as the "friddlyfrath".
And later the same pillow migth very well have become the "frooliewool". The television is the "image-machine".

These names cost me zero effort, they just happen in my head when I want to say something.
To appear more normal I usually translate them to the offical word before I speak.
Sometimes I say them anyway, when I can not find the translation quickly enough.
People may laugh when that happens. They seem friendly so I guess to them it is a joke/funny thing.

Then again, in raw thinking I tend to understand complex philosophical concepts.
When I try to explain those to my boyfriend, I find that difficult.
I keep trying though, as I find these conversations very interesting.
We generally do not agree but like exchanging our thoughts.
And philosophy being so theoretical is perfect for that.

At work it is different again.
A small part of it is generic workplace social stuff, and I try to be silent and wait that out mostly.
The actual work related communication is in a rather scientific language. It is about mathematical models and absolute truths.
I love that.
I can describe an aspect fully in only a few lines.
There is some translation there, but it costs me very little effort. Way less than explain such a line to someone new to it.

Hmm I typed a lot about me by now and still no answer to your question... here it comes.

By that I mean we talked first about topic A for 30 minutes, then about B for 15 minutes, then about C for 1 hour. In the middle of talking about C we could just mix a word or a sentence that had only meaning in the context of topic A. It is like all conversations are still active and stacked in multiple layers.

There is no clue given that I am aware of when such a twist happens. I can in the middle of the other person's sentence about C just utter the word about A.
Then we would get the A part somehow. I think something non-verbally, but no idea how, as I did not look at the other person (no clue what he looked like when the conversation was over, would not have been able to find him again).
Immediately after that word A interrupt, we can continue with C, or twist in B or however many we would like.

I think this topic-twisting might more of an ADD thing than Asperger's tough. Not really sure.

Hi!! ! My name is Chris Burgess!! ! I've just registered to WP!! ! I've been visiting this site off and on for a year and an half, and I'm glad there is a place for me to relate to other people that are aspies!! !!

hmm... I believe I fall in with 1 and 2, mainly 2. I really don't do the helicopter view, ever, I don't think. Sounds interesting tho. Did he say you're supposed to live that way? If you're supposed to strive for that?

I have tangents, where I sort of go off on other things, and have to remind myself to come back to the original thing. On some things I get very intense on the topic or whatnot, and nothing else will get my attention. I guess focused on the one thing. I don't multi-task very well at all. I can wash dishes and talk, but not much more beyond that. If I'm talking with someone, I focus on what they're saying and try to stay on their subject (had to train for that one... I used to go off on my own thing) and I think I'm pretty intense about it. I'm a very intent listener, I guess. I think because if I don't do that, I won't really hear anything they've said, I will be off on some other thought, or something. I have ADD too, and I think that has something to do with that. When I realize I have gone off and not heard what the person said, I repeat what they said- very aspie, but then I can really work on understanding what they are saying and answer honestly. I know we're "supposed" to be like the NT's, but I think some things are good that are aspergerish. I would rather really understand and hear what the person said than pretend to understand and perhaps look "normal", I suppose.

anyway, I hope I haven't gone too far off on my own thing! Take care!