new mom with 9 yr old AS

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Hi my name is Colleen. I have a 9 year old with AS. Diagnosis when he was 6. 1st diagnosis add/adhd, on Meds for this then when I was at my witts end with the shcool I sought out what was really wrong with Ryan. Aspergers. I really think that the Meds he has taken for Add/Adhd really brought things to the surface and we could see that he had AS. I knew about it when he was little but I thought he never could has AS because he showed little signs of it until he started meds. then after a year on meds you could tell very well that he has AS. currently he is one big pain in the rump but I would never trade him for what society thinks is a normal kid. he has not real friends but he does have my nephew. they have been raised as brothers because my sister was my sitter for Ryan when he was little. Its one of those close small families. So I do feel that his only peer friendship is with his school friends. Ryan struggles learning in school because the school refuses to understand that he has AS. I do not force him to be in school groups, clubs or sports. My mom thinks I should so he gets used to being with other kids who are normal. But I feel that it makes him feel more out than in if I do. He is a good boy who is very attached to us. He lives with me and my husband who is his step father. My husband is a wonderful man and treats Ryan as his own. We recently had a baby (5 months old) and I could never ask for a better bigger brother. He is not jealous. Ryan is very creative and draws and likes puzzles. he is obsessed with skate boards and tony hawk. from what I know he does not have the gift for knowledge that many AS folks have. he struggles with school and is taught is small classes. I would be interested to know how other parents feel about their schools way of teaching their AS child. thanks for letting me talk.

I'm not a parent. However, I will offer my perspective on how school is for me, the diagnosed Aspie student if you would like.

Hi ryansjoy, keep on talking and welcome to wrongplanet.

Thank you. I find that sometimes school thinks I'll know how to do something when I don't.

HELLO,My name is andie.I am an undiagnosed aspie with 1 diagnosed H.F.A(son,8),a suspected aspie(daughter,6)and 2 N.T's(daughter7 and son3).We had gone through 3
schools before we found one that was understanding of our son.He has been in an A.B.A
class since the beginning of grade2.He has made so much progress since.He doesn't "seem "to be intellectually gifted but the older he gets the more he is able to "prove"
that he is capable of doing his school work.Without his rewards from school,he simply
doesn't see the point of trying.I remember feeling the same as my son in school.This year
he joined the running club(his A.B.A. teacher runs it).It took alot of encouragement
some days to get him motivated but he did feel a sense of accomplishment when he would
finish a marathon.(he ran 4 ,5 km runs).We haven't pushed him to join other things as
sometimes the thought of belonging to a club is better than the reality of it.We always let
him decide for himself.The good thing is that now he wants to try other things on his own.
Now he can't wait for school this fall so he can be in running club again,with soccer as
well this year.
Sorry this message is so long,I'm rambling.

I generally find that a long you don't want to actually learn anything and are quite happy to take life the way it comes ((I mean whatever way absolutley.)) then school's great.

If, however, you would like to to learn something or are not happy to take absolutey everything in your stride, it's kinda rubbish.

My advice - speaking as a kid who grew up without a diagnosis of AS (I was diagnosed as an adult) - don't force your son to do anything that makes him actively unhappy. Social situations can be very disturbing for the Aspie brain for so many reasons = sensory overload, the stress of being around other children, etc = so in the long run it could do more harm for him than good.

I also would 100% recommend not having him on medication. AS isn't a condition which is really treatable with chemicals and the way the Aspie brain works, if the kid gets used to taking drugs a lot as a kid, it may actually have a negative effect on him in the long run...it's the idea of building patterns and routines. I don't say taking meds now will make him a drug addict, that would be stupid. But the Aspie brain follows logic...and if the logic he learns as a child is taking pills is normal - he may not be so wary towards those things as he gets older. Right now he has you to protect him but he won't always, and Aspies are often also very naive towards other people and their intentions.

Plus, medication is - as I understand it - completely unproven in helping any child or adult deal with AS. The only way to cope in society with AS is to learn how to live around other people, because very few of them (unfortunately) will bother to try and live around you (or anyone with AS). The sooner he learns strategies to manage his life when around other people, the better it will be for him. But as I said, don't push him too hard into it. My mother always said I was two steps forward and one back...if you push too hard, then it has a worse effect.

The short of it is - your son is normal - don't let anyone suggest otherwise. The 'normal' kids are simply the ones who pick on the kids who don't fit in, and who try and tell everyone else what to think and what to like. Your son is special because he will always decide for himself what he likes and what to think. Very few people in this world have the capacity to do that. Even fewer have the ability to understand it.

He's lucky because he has people who love him very much and who support him through everything he is going through and is going to experience. That the school doesn't respect his AS is, sadly, just a taste of what the rest of the world will be like as he gets older - and for me, although I hated school and suffered all the way through it, it did teach me several survival strategies for dealing with other people and 'blending in'.

I think keep supporting him and let him make the decisions as they come along. He's 9, so he's old enough to have an opinion. My mother said I was at my worst when I was 9, so there's light at the end of the tunnel. He's probably frustrated by all the things he wants to say but can't! I suspect that it's not that he isn't smart, he just can't express himself in a way to make other people understand. This is a problem many Aspies have - and the root cause of the myths about being cold and emotionless and blank. A lot goes on inside, but it's getting it out in a way that non-Aspies can understand that's the challenge. It took me till I was eighteen to make my mother understand - and even now we still have times when we're talking at crossed purposes.

On a completely unproven and unrelated note, have you looked at his diet (for improving his behaviour?) I've got no evidence for it, and I refuse to go GFCF, but when my dad's high blood pressure was diagnosed, our family's diet changed drastically and became much more healthy. At the same time, my behaviour improved incredibly!!

Apple *waffling off on a tangent...sorry about that!*

Applesauce I love your INPUT! the one thing that I can not agree on is the meds.. Ryan needs these to be able to function each day. it helps his a lot when it comes to school. he is able to focus and perform in school to learn. this is important. i did not start meds for Ryan until he was in 1st grade. just because i wanted to lay the foundation to really know if he needed them. he improved so much in school. i agree that it may not help the aspie brain but it helps him focus to learn. you see it slows down his world so he understands what you are saying.. my husband and I agreed that when he is old enough to make this choice to get off of them we will allow this, but for now it must be this way for him to learn in school. heck it also helped him slow down enough to stop doing things that were unsafe. i spent so many years telling him not to run in the road and look... he scared the day care teacher one day because he darted in the road... it was my final to know that I had to make some choices for him. so for now we do this as we can and its very important for him to be able to focus. thanks for all the wonderful words you posted.. it was great that you shared what you did with me.. i really am encouraged to see that Ryan has a good future ahead of him...

Some of the gretest people in history were supposedly aspies/auties.

If you ever find yourself panicking because a child is late to speak, just remember that Edison didn't speak until the age of nine years, ok?

Welcome to our little hole.