Hello, my first post here

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Hi, I just signed up tonight so here's my introduction. I'm 35 and live in Maine. I have been married for 10 years. My son is diagnosed with aspergers, he is 7 1/2. My wife feels that I am also an aspie. I have a daughter that is 6. My home life has been a challenge and things are getting harder for my son. He is angry a lot. I work a 12 hr night shift and my wife stays home. My son gets lots of help but it does not seem to change much. My wife controls the household and I follow her lead. It is hard to enjoy life at home.

Sounds tough, all right. Welcome anyway. It's heroic work just keeping going, isn't it - and when people suggest we're part of the problem not part of the solution it's hard to bear.

Do you think you're an aspie? Sometimes we're the last ones to know.

Many of the things that contribute to anger in aspies (both children and adults) are sensory challenges, such as dealing with sounds and light and movement. (It's often at its worst in a shopping centre.)

But all of this is exacerbated by anxiety and tensions between people.

What would you like us to help you with?

Both my kids have received lots of services from the pre-school years onward. They were both in developmental preschool, had OT, PT (daughtor got PT only), speach (son worked on social skills, daughtor was for making her sound correct). Now in 1st grade & K, they have IEP's and get services in public school. My wife is very involved with the school and make sure they can get all they can.

I work 40 to 60 hrs a week (12+ hrs a night/day), so that my wife does not have to work. I still try to be a part of their improvement, but is very hard not being there all the time. When my son is giving my wife a very hard time then it gets dumped on me at times, cause she needs a brake. If I don't work extra then the finicial stress hits.

My son sees a consoler once a week to help with his issues & anger. My wife has read several books and getting tips/help from professionals. Progress is slow. Somedays he is great with his sister and the dogs. Other days he is angry and violent with them. We don't take it personal, we don't punish him, but he does get sent to his room to calm down and regain control. But twice this week I work up to screaming and fighting when they came home from school before my alarm went off. Great way to wake up before working a 12hr night shift, but then I think what my wife does everyday.

I would agree with my wife that I could be diagnosted as being an aspie. I don't have a problem with it. I am who I am. My brain is great for the technical stuff I do. I work in a technical job fixing equipment in a factory. I can figure out hard problems and fix the equipment realy fast. Figure out stuff in minutes, where other techs take hours. I know so many passwords, about so many different operating systems, can talk geek speek and then also give it as simple terms for those NT type supervisors! But then I fustrate myself due to my lacking social skill, my lack of physical being (don't smile, lack of eye contact, afraid to speak up), which has affected my marriage (cause my NT wife looks into body launge soo much), and it sets her in a bad mood with out even talking to me about it. It fustrates me that I like/enjoy/happy with my work more than my personal life. I don't have to try hard at work, it comes natural, and everyone thinks I'm the greatest. But at home I'm so fustrated and don't know what to do. At home I focus on helping my wife and kids now. There is much more I can go on about, but this is enough for now.

So I came here to read other peoples comments and share my life. Not sure what help I'm exactly looking for. I have a counsler to try and help me with that. I know I need to set better goals in my life and manage my finances better.

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Is this done calmly, or with a tone of punishment? It is important to help him to calm down in a way that he feels secure, even whilst letting him know that his behaviour is not OK. Comforting a child like that is not rewarding bad behaviour. It is necessary for dealing with meltdowns. Has one of the books your wife has read this one?
http://www.amazon.com/Asperger-Syndrome ... 931282706/

Also, are the sensory issues being addressed?



There are several books available for Asperger couples, some written by people married to aspies. Maybe one of those would be useful.

Is your counselor familiar with the ins and outs of Asperger Syndrome? This could help a lot.

I think that over time you will also find a lot of supportive help here at WrongPlanet.

Last edited by Alphabetania on 13 Apr 2011, 9:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome!

To WrongPlanet!! !