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I'm going to go ahead and skip a lot of the about me stuff, because frankly, I don't know what's true about me anymore. For the majority of my life, until maybe a week ago, I've been in denial about my differences. I lied to myself so much that eventually, I just went ahead and believed the lies. About a year ago, I stumbled upon an online Autism Spectrum Quotient test. I don't remember how I got there, or why I decided to take the test, but I did. I scored thirty-eight out of a possible fifty. My chances of being on the Autism spectrum were rated as 'Highly Likely".

At first I was shocked, but I quickly pushed the idea to the back of my head and went on with my life. But those two words stuck in the back of my head, and eventually, more than a year later, I summoned up the courage to do a little research. It didn't take me long to find Asperger's Syndrome. In just thirty minutes of reading, I felt a lot of my lies being torn away, because for the first time in my life, I was relating to things said about other people. I started reading Aspie blogs, articles, psychology journals. Almost every line chipped away another lie, revealed another truth about myself. I started crying, and I still don't know if they were tears of frustration, relief, or sadness or joy, because over the past couple of days it seems I've dealt with my versions of all of them.

So I found another test, one specifically for Aspie's. I took it. Several times. My average score was NT(19) and Aspergers(169). I haven't decided whether or not to pursue a medical diagnosis, because I don't know what I would gain, or what challenges I might face because of it. Anyway, the point of all this is; I'm new to Asperger's, I'm new here, and I'm new in foruming all around. It's been hard for me to come outlike this, and I'm still not sure whether or not I'll be able to click that submit button, because I think now I'm just typing to stall. I haven't told anyone except my parents.

Welcome to the group.

Thanks!

Hi MisterJ!

WELCOME!

You don't need to be diax'ed to be here! - That part i up to yurself... But I'd adwise you to hang around, and do You some thougts, about what you want to use a dx for.
It's a great tool to get help, if needed. - But can also be a cause of problems, when it come to contact with ensurance and a lot of other fazettes of life.

Again, Do some research and find out for yourself, if it's enough that You know. Or if You need the papers... - Theres a whole lot of info to get here!! !

Best regards
Hauge

I've assumed that diax/dx is a way of saying diagnosis, but please correct me if I'm wrong.

How do you think a diagnosis would affect me differently than not having one? I've all but lived in a cave most of my life and I'm not sure how the world would react.

Yes dx is a way of saying diagnosis, and Welcome!

Yep! dx ect is a shortform...

What i think is that once i were told that, because i had a dx i were unwanted at a education...

I'm sorry, but I don't understand.

Well.

I tried to get in to a higher education, and were told that due to my diagnosis, the caseworker didn't expect me to complete. so therefor i were told that i could'nt start vith any support. Neither economically nor extra support! - At the time AS were not a defined diagnosis, so therefor i were diagnosed Minimal Brain Dysfunction and also hearing impaired. It didn't make any difference that i were tested having a IQ at 138...
Anyway. I didnt listen and insisted. Completed. And were quite diaspointed that the lack of support gave me a big C at B lewel. - Had the system made an effort...
So what i mean is that sometimes a dx can turn 'round and bite ya...

That's the type of thing I'm afraid of. I live ins Texas, which is still very backwards, but it seems like the rest of the world has become more understanding to alternative ways of functioning, or at least is starting to.

Is starting to. Yep! - It seems that NT's generelly are wery unlike to listen to history! - And learn of it..!

I'd say that You should use a lot of time reading around here. And ask if theres anything You need to know about!
On a personal plan, You should try to look back at Your past, and see if You can find out Who's behind all those masks, You have learned to hide behind! Or in other words, find the real You!

Then i'm sure You'll find out what You needs are, in the process!

I've started working on that, and it's a process. I am incredibly grateful that I have my family to go to for support, if if they don't completely understand everything.

You dont know how happy i am to hear that they are there for You! - And if You're just a little like me... REMEMBER TO TELL THEM, how gratefull You are!! !

If You're Aspie, You may think You are giving them signals. But dont be sure they get them. Many of us are lacking a lot of mimic. - As well of missing ability to read it...
- I learnt the hard way, myself!

Good luck!

I know. I keep expecting everyone to automatically understand what I'm going through, and I find it almost impossible to verbalize any of my thoughts once I'm actually in a dialouge with family.

Hi there, I'm new too, and I also had a few tears last week. My problems are all to do with social skills. Everything I read about women and aspergers struck a chord with me and I didn't know whether to be happy because I had finally found a reason for not fitting in or sad because it meant that no matter how much I tried with different groups of people all the time that becoming part of a crowd or a group of friends would just never happen for me. It's an irony I still don't understand - yearning to be social and to fit in but also preferring to be alone. It's a conflict that will always be with me, I suppose.

You and I are of a similar mind. I've actually gotten pretty good at faking social skills, when I don't like a person! Or more correctly, they mistake my bluntness for smart-assery and joke calling and tend to like me any more. Of course, If I actually like a person, you can damn well bet that I'll either say nothing at all or ramble for an hour and the medicinal powers of certain mushrooms.