How severe is my condition?

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Hello everyone,

I have never been officially diagnosed by a doctor as having autism, but I highly suspect that I do have it. Many people in my family (my father in particular) always chided me that I had a mental disorder of some kind or would simply tell me "something is wrong with you!" .

This was due to the fact that I had difficulty in getting along with, and relating to, other people. My dad suggested to me that he believed I was bi-polar, purely based on some random info that he came across, which was forwarded to him by a friend. He suggested the idea that I visit a mental health professional, at his expense, but he went out of business in Oct. of 2008...so he has other priorities now.

After doing some reading and research of my own, I really don't believe I'm bi-polar at all. In fact, many of the signs I exhibit seem to be tied in with autism. But what I wonder is, how severe it is...or what type of autism it is?

Here are some things about me that lead me to believe I have autism:

1) I had a severe speech impediment when I was younger. The day before I enrolled in elementary school, my parents couldn't really understand anything I said, as all I did was babble. I was incoherent. I could not communicate speech like others at my age. I had to take regular speech therapy in elementary school up until the 4th grade. . My speech impediment was so severe that at one point a doctor suggested the idea that he perform some kind of surgery on my tongue! Luckily, that did not happen. I can speak pretty well now after years of therapy, but it took me a long time to get there.
2) I have extremely poor coordination. A lot of people have pointed this out to me over my life, including my latest employer just the other week.
3) I am 32 years old, and I've never had a girlfriend or a close intimate relationship with a woman. The only time I've been intimate with a woman was when I hired a couple of prostitutes some years ago.
4) I have no friends, and always had difficulty relating to other people. I sometimes have trouble "reading" other people in terms of their emotions. I quit high school because I couldn't get along with other people there. Eventually I had to get my GED because I wasn't able to graduate.
5) When I was younger, when I tried to sleep ...I had trouble because any kind of sound irritated the heck out of me. I actually wore ear muffs to sleep. To this day, random sounds can irritate me to the point of driving me crazy when I am either trying to concentrate or attempting to get to sleep.
6) sometimes it's very hard for me to concentrate, and any drastic changes to my regular routine upset me greatly.
7) I usually get stressed out very easily, even at some of the smallest things.
One person remarked to me that I walk around like someone with a broken wheel. I always noticed that I walk around kind of weird. I then noticed that when I walk, much of the weight is shifted over to my toes or "toe walking", which apparently is a symptom common to many people with autism....
9) I am a very slow learner, to the point it seems I have Attention deficit disorder. However, I do possess a very analytical mind on certain topics, which I seemed obsessed with. Or, at least, others tell me I'm obsessed.

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Well, all my life I've worked for my family members, but I've been unemployed for a very long time. Just 8 weeks ago I got myself a job working doing customer service at a very big hardware store. Desperate, I took it.

Let me tell you, out of the frying pan and into the fire. Working in this kind of enviroment for me is absolute torture. Dealing with the other people, particulary the co-workers, is the hard part. I am surprised that I haven't been fired yet, as the managers were initially ticked off that I wasn't learning things fast enough, and came right out and told me so. however I do wonder how much longer I can survive at this job due to many of the things I've dealt with my whole life. A few weeks from now, my employer will make a decision on whether or not to keep me. Right now I am a temporary hire.

If I can't survive this job, or function at other jobs, what should I do? How should I go about qualifying for SSI? Based on the things I've written, what type of autism am I afflicted with? Is it likely aspergers, or maybe something else? And based on what I've written, does it sound like I have a severe case of it, or is it mild autism at best?

thanks

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Hi there!

I can relate to a lot of your story. The first step in my opinion is to be seen by a professional. I'm not a professional, but it does sound like you have AS or some other type of autism not bipolar. Some people are actually diagnosed with both disorders, though. . .

Seeing a good professional is easier said than done, because lots of psychiatrists feel if they can't medicate it, it is not important. You can't really medicate AS, although some meds alleviate symptoms I suppose. They'll send to to a psychologist or therapist, and a lot of the time, especially if they aren't AS specialists, all they want to do is rehash the past. Ugh! I don't have anyone to recommend at the moment and I am searching for someone low or no cost to see.

I was diagnosed at 17 but no one professional really DID anything about AS. They tried to treat the extreme anxiety I have experience since at least the age of 5, and gave me antidepressants and antipsychotics to deal with my anxiety, depression and anger issues. I hated the latter and did not take them consistently. I have been pretty bad about sticking to therapy probably because all the therapists I saw covered under my dad's old insurance were generalists and not knowledgeable about AS.


Over the years I think I've improved in a lot of ways. I used to be unemployable and disabled, but got my first job when I was 26. It was hard, but I worked in the back and didn't deal much with customers. I had some meltdowns and always went on walks during breaks to avoid conversations, but overall I did better than I ever expected. I love, love, love books and libraries and I read somewhere that AS people might do well in a library job and so now I'm in library school online and work in a library. It is VERY hard, and what makes it more difficult is that no one at work knows why I'm weird and sometimes very stressed. The things that make me nuts are when shift changes aren't smooth, when there is too much chit-chat, when people aren't consistent and the phones. I get stress headaches every day. BUT I am managing--there is hope.

Like you, I have zero coordination. It isn't a liability in my job now, but I could never waitress or do anything like that. I'm a very poor typist and am always tripping and bumping into things and dropping things. It's annoying. It is a good idea to find jobs that don't require tasks that involve much coordination. I think the job you have will stress you out too much. Look for jobs that don't require much (or any) customer service. The job market makes this a challenge, I know. SSI might be a good idea in the interim, but don't give up on working! I think working helps with depression and relationship problems in the long run. I was very isolated until I started working, and although I'm currently still not great at friendships, I have a few friends and a boyfriend of two years, which I never thought would be possible. High school was nightmarish for me because of the noise levels and unpredictability. I couldn't eat in the cafeteria or attend assemblies. I preferred to wear headphones and read and ignore everything and everyone. Eventually I did make two friends, one NT and one that I suspect had undiagnosed autism. Like you, I don't do well with lots of different types of noises and have been told that I hum a lot, which I think is to help cover up noises that cause anxiety. I have always been an extremely slow learner when it comes to stuff people are telling me or demonstrating. I need to read about new things in a quiet environment and then try them out myself alone to learn. Job training was/is a challenge for me as well because employers are very "my way or the highway" when it comes to teaching employees. Like you, I toe-walked as a child and have always had an awkward walk. I've come to accept that I will never ever be just like everyone else. I try to focus what I do well; my employer tells me I am excellent at analyzing databases and researching. I'm learning that in some situations, if I know what to expect, I can be social. I admit, if something goes longer than I expect, I am a pain in the butt and probably act very immature. I think I'll always feel like I'm on the wrong planet, but now I often enjoy being a tourist!

Take care and please talk to some professionals. Also, it is good that you are on this forum, other members should provide you with some good insights.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hello, Haruhi_79!
Reading your reply to RichardRamon was somewhat akin to reading an autobiography of myself!
I have had problems with extreme anxiety (socially) ever since my first school days, too. I always knew I was somehow different, but only now (at 43) have I been formally diagnosed as AS.
I usually had trouble getting along with bosses and fellow employees in my former work life (I am now disabled), and as far as sensitivities go, sounds like an ambulance siren can nearly tear my ears off!
I just wanted to share a little of my own lifes' experience because your life sounded quite a bit like my own.