Hey

Post Reply New Topic

Been lurking here a long time so figured I'd join up. I'm a 24 year old male diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and major depressive disorder. I've been to many therapists, taken dozens of medications, and gotten electroshock treatment with no success. I used to be able to distract myself and bottle up emotions through a long-time MMORPG addiction, but now that I've kicked the habit I am having trouble coping with the pain. Set up a daily exercise routine and go for long walks when I can. Will sometimes try to meditate, but always feel so restless and mind constantly wanders. Unfortunately there's nothing I can do about my diet because I'm struggling just to force myself to eat so I don't lose more weight.

Trying to find myself. There's just so little I can do, so little that gives me pleasure. I’ve tried various sports, hobbies, meetups, etc. with no interest and just left feeling further alienated. Have just been just drifting through college hoping I'd find something, but I think it's time that I just commit to something, anything because I've already wasted so much of my life. Only real friend I've ever had is online and I dare not even consider telling him about my issues. It’s hard enough to even get any friends in real life with social anxiety, nothing to talk about, and a boatload of mental problems. Have dozens of weaknesses and yet to find any strengths. Just constantly feels like I don’t belong anywhere, I barely feel human.

Play online and console games still once in awhile. Don’t watch TV often, but will watch House, Daily Show, Colbert Report, Family Guy, Futurama, some anime. I’m an atheist liberal, occasionally will keep up with politics and religious issues out of minor interest, but it tends to get old. Somewhat interested in philosophy as well, but it’s so difficult for me to sit down, read, and absorb anything.

I doubt I'll ever get rid of my depression, but maybe can still garner some quality of life regardless. Always open to suggestions on things to try and coping strategies.

Hi Fade,

I'm new here too, and yours is the first post I've read on these forums (other than the posting rules). You sound much like me. I am currently being assessed against the Autism Spectrum as a suspected Aspie, and I have a major depressive disorder as well. My psychologist says that in my case the depression may have something to do with this feeling of being on the "wrong planet", and not fitting in anywhere. I goofed off through my school years, and spent inordinate amounts of time mapping dungeons when I should have been doing my maths (hey, what else are those grid pages good for, anyway?) Hence I have always been looked down upon as being "less intelligent" because of my marks, but really, if I had've applied myself, I know I could have easily gotten those A's.

Anyway, I hope you find what it is you're looking for in life.

Kind regards,

Ron.

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Welcome!

Thanks guys.

Ron, how long have you been depressed? I've felt this way since like age 12. Not only does it feel like I don't fit in anywhere, it feels like I don't have any ability at all and have to constantly rely on others. I'm hoping the depression will lessen if I can become self-sufficient someday.

I've always gotten good grades, but this wasn't from a genuine understanding of the material, just using shortcuts. When I was told to read a chapter in a textbook I'd rehearse the bolded words instead, committing them to rote memory word for word without actually comprehending the meaning. For essay writing I'd just change paragraphs from other sources into my own words so that it wasn't plagiarism. I learned nothing. I've always relied on workarounds my whole life, not actually being able to solve my problems. Now that I'm in college, however, I'm expected to have actual knowledge to apply. Throughout my drifting I'd just pick and choose the easiest courses until I ran out of them. Every time I've taken at least a moderate difficulty level course it's been abysmal due to major problems with learning, memory, listening, reading, and problem solving. I ended up dropping any such course halfway through so that failing them wouldn't drag my GPA down. But if I don't force myself to succeed at some kind of career path I won't have any real future.

I don't know anyone other than school staff and parents who judge people's intelligence off of grades. I've always been treated like an idiot regardless of my marks. Hell, I don't see the big deal especially about high school grades - virtually nobody takes it seriously. Smartest guy I know got all D's, and now he's acing 3 hard classes at a time each semester on his way to his dream job.

Well, my mother died in front of me when I was 4 years old, and my father disappeared when I was 11 ... shall I go on? How long have I been feeling depressed? Pretty much all my life really.

Wow, spooky, I talked about that very same thing a couple of weeks back with my psychologist.

Yep, that all sounds like me too (except for the "good grades" part), although I probably wouldn't have had the guts to admit it like you have here. For me, the shortcuts often involved the technological, which I have always had a natural aptitude for.

True that. Maybe the only one who has been looking down on me for my poor grades is myself. I sometimes feel that my epitaph should read "Could have done better".

Fade, are you on social anxiety forums too? There is a comorbidity between some experiences of Asperger's and social anxiety.

No, I'm not.Comorbidity? That sounds like this forum thread. Two majorly depressed individuals in the same thread, that's co-morbid.

Sorry, I'm not up with the lingo.

Wow, that's really rough, Ron. >.< It makes me even more ashamed to be depressed knowing that others have it far worse.

Wish I could say I could have done better about my failures. I try my hardest, it just isn't good enough. Even more frustrating is how little people can empathize, just repeatedly hammering away about how I could do anything I wanted if I really wanted to. The greatest irony in this is that people have a difficult time believing that I'm not that smart because of my good grades.

Heheh, I like wordplay humor. Comorbidity is basically when illnesses go hand in hand.

Tequila, no I am not. The social anxiety more comes from just plain not knowing anything and lacking personality though. The inability to bond is just the icing on the cake. =/