New here, looking for some help.

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Hi everyone! My name is Ashley, and I am a sophomore in college. I do not have Asperger's, nor do I know anyone with Aspergers--which is why I'm here. I need your help. I'm writing a paper about the discrimination of people with Asperger's syndrome. I am looking for anyone who would like to share with me a personal account of discrimination (yourself, your child, or even a witness's account). If you are interested, please reply here, or you can send me a private message. I can assure you that any information you divulge to me will be received in the strictest confidence, and I will not use any information in my paper unless I have permission from you to do so. I will not be using any names in my paper.

If anyone has a problem with me being here for this purpose, please do not hesitate to let me know. I will leave if I am not wanted. I only wish to learn more about Asperger's syndrome and gather information for my paper. Any information would be helpful!!

Thanks so much for your time! Have a great day!
Ashley

Hello Ashley, and welcome to Wrong Planet!

I don't have any particular issues with disclosing a few facts of my growing up (since I'm pretty much anonymous here). My biggest problem has been being bullied/harrased, since I've always acted a bit "off" compared to NT's, grades 1-7 in school (age 7-13) where pretty much hell for me, in the 7th grade it got so bad my parents actually pulled me from school since they refused to have me transferred to another school (old Swedish law dictated that no one could be forcibly moved to another school).

7th grade was also in another town, since the town/village I lived in only had grades 1-6, and the school was being expanded to enable the admittance of students grade 7-9. The construction was completed during the summer before grade 8, and so I got to go to school in my home town again, along with the classes (eh, composition of students making up the classes) being changed, helped immensely. Also, since we lived on the same street as the school, I only had a few minutes walk home, so I usually walked home during the longer breaks to play Quake 3 Arena or Goldeneye to blow of steam and spend time with my primary interest.

High school and university where much easier, since my classes where made up of at least some people who shared the same interests as me, especially in university where I took a three-year course in game design. I suffered through a rough depression during the first half of my third year of uni, but since I'd managed to get a few really close friends during that time (sharing interests makes it really easy for me to talk to people) I got through it pretty well.

If you've got any more questions, feel free to PM me, though be aware that I live in the GMT+1 time zone, so messages sent in say... 3-4 hours may go unanswered for a while due to the need of sleep.

Hope this have been helpful, and again, welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi Ashley,

I have no problem giving you information, I'm not sure that it would be of use though.

I was diagnosed whilst in secondary school and decided to keep my diagnosis to myself (except for telling people I thought were my friends). As happens sometimes when you trust people you shouldn't, my secret got leaked. Pre my secret being leaked, everybody in my year group asked me questions to things they found hard/confusing/odd/etc. it wasn't them being social with me but they (for some reason) talked to me to find the answers. Post my secret being leaked, people no longer asked me questions, they made noises and shook their hands in an offensive manner, they called me a ret*d. It hurt a lot.

It has happened when I've disclosed my diagnosis to other people I thought were my friends too. I'd have really interesting conversations with people, think they were my friends, disclose my diagnosis and have them treating me as if my IQ had dropped by about 149. Speaking slowly and using really small words.

I know that this must be in part due to misinformation but how could the misinformation be stronger than knowing a person for a long period of time?

Just curious, Ashley, what made you decide to choose this as a subject for your paper?

Oh yeah, to add to my previous post since the circumstances of my diagnosis could be useful...

During my second depressive episode, I once attempted suicide (could've been a psychotic episode), after which I got my parents to write notes to my psychologist. Things in the notes concerning my behaviour as a child got her to contact the nearest hospital (I was going to a "local" clinic at the time) and recommended me to go through an evaluation to see if I had aspergers. I, and my parents, read up on the condition after that and all of us thought it fit pretty well, and after a few weeks of tests I got my diagnosis (which is about a month ago).

After getting told I have aspergers, I've had no real problems with depression, which may have something to do with finding my own box (as greenturtle74's cartoon puts it).

I want to thank you both again for replying! LostAlien, I'm glad that you told me your gender. That will be helpful when discussing the diversity of my research.

I was wondering about this-- Neither one of you seem to have as many social troubles as what usually come with an Asperger's diagnoses. You've both mentioned having friends, and LostAlien mentioned having a boyfriend. Do you find it difficult to socialize? (Not just because people know of your diagnosis.)

Thanks again!

I've had friends, just not many of them. I have two real friends at the moment (they're engaged and about to get married in a couple of months), most people who I thought to be friends have either abandoned me, or betrayed me (I.E. joined in with the bullies). To add to that, I haven't ever been in a relationship (doesn't bug me that much, though I have some desire for emotional intimacy which I hope will be fulfilled some day).

My family and my two friends have been incredibly supportive through all of this, and have been glad to hear of my diagnosis.


-E- Adding, I think much of the bullying may have stemmed from me being pretty different from other children. For example, in the first grade during Swedish class, when the other kids where learning how to read and about the different letters, I knew about all that already. So, I got to study the solar system and the planets (and space is still one of my interests). Since I apparently was more intelligent than most of the others, some had some sort of fear reaction (my guess/theory) and poked fun at me, which caused me to fall into rage (something that's somewhat common in those diagnosed with AS). I got some therapy for my anger issues, and I rarely (if ever) get mad or violent at people.

I've had social troubles and I fear social situations a lot now from the bullying. From misinterpreting things, I fear every stranger I meet in case I make a mistake and get mentally hurt again. I've recently started making myself do social things because I want to live without fear. Apart from my bf, I don't have real life friends now, I'm working on it but that's how things are at the moment.

I've had to cut myself off from extended family because they kept on expecting me to be 'normal' all the time. There was a lot of "Why don't you ever read/watch adult ...?"*. If I was exausted from the required mental process of conciously reading body language + tone +actual words and responded badly, I'd get agressive lectures about how I knew better and to act like an adult. I don't like the effect of alcohol on my body, this was also considered my being childish. I realised that it didn't matter what I did or read when I decided to get an 'Adult' novel in the fantasy genre and still got told "Why don't you ever read an adult novel?". It took meeting my bf to really realise that the way they were acting wasn't right for my mental health. I know it may not seem like much but realising that all my family except my Mother didn't except me for me and never would was a really painful realisation.

It took years (after cutting myself off from them) to realise that I was actually a nice person, it took until last year to realise that when my feelings were hurt that in normal circumstance I was allowed to say so without a two or more hour lecture on correct behaviour (that I had no right to be upset about x or y or z).

I think that the problems that I have had socially mean that it is even harder to make new friends now because every gesture that someone makes toward me gets analyzed for some hidden intent to harm. As with every human being, if trust gets broken enough it's really hard to trust anyone at all.

As regarding friends, the only real friends I had were in primary school. In secondary school I had people who were false friends and in college I was totally alone. I'm usually fine in my own company but college was horrible because I was just that alone.

Hope this post is clear because I'm posting at 00:43 my time and I know that tiredness can make my wording iffy.






*A special interest I have is fantasy/adventure both in visual and print which was (probably still is) considered childish by my family.

btw, the information below is my signature. I like to be known as female but when I said that alone I got many pm's asking for a date so to save me and male WPers time, I put in the other information.

LostAlien: Good for you for trying to rise above and overcome your fear!! That's great!

I know some of my questions are probably personal, and I apologize for that. If I ask anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, you definitely do not have to answer!

So essentially, your family was discriminating against you as well...for not being "normal," correct? I'm glad your boyfriend has done so much good for you!

I definitely understand the trust issue. I have trust issues myself! (Not that you asked, but since you are telling me so much about yourself...) I'm essentially alone aside from my immediate family and my boyfriend, who is in the military and is currently states away training. None of my friendships really worked out either...but for very different reasons.

I know you didn't ask my opinion, but I really don't see any problem with your interest! I don't think it's childish at all! I know plenty of adults who have similar interests.

(keep in mind my statement above about personal questions) You said you kept your diagnosis to yourself. Does this mean you did not get any special accommodations in school? Did any of your "different" actions or reactions cause any sort of discrimination by your teachers or peers? Bullying would fall under this, but was there any other discrimination that you can think of?

Do you currently have or have you had trouble finding work due to your AS? Have you lost any jobs or been removed from organizations because of it?

Tosoth: I am glad that you have two really good friends! It's not the quantity of friends that you have, but the quality of the friends that you have that matters! (p.s., congrats to your friends!)
I'm sure it is a relief to finally have an answer for any of the issues that you might have been having.
I'm really glad you hardly have anger issues anymore!! That's a great achievement and involves much self control for people with AS (so I have read, anyway.)

As I said to LostAlien, if I ever ask a question that you feel is too personal or makes you uncomfortable, feel free to not answer it. That's totally fine!
I'm also grateful that you recovered from your depression.

How has your family reacted to your diagnosis? Do they understand? Are they embarrassed of you (I've read horror stories about this part)?

I'm going to assume that you were diagnosed after you had finished school. Is this a valid assumption? If not, did you receive any special accommodations in your school for your AS? If so, did you have to fight to get them?

Have you ever had trouble obtaining/retaining employment? Have you ever lost a job due to your AS? Been kicked out of a club or organization for it?

Both LostAlien & Tosoth: Since I'm asking you such personal questions and you are giving me so much information about yourselves, if you have any questions about me (don't know why you would, I'm pretty boring!) feel free to ask and I'll do my best to answer them!

I have been called a social liability by someone I had been close to, while in the same conversation being aknowledged as
a genuinely good person and being someone that she couldn't have that kind of conversation with without the person becoming
hostile.

Bullied and led into embarassing situations through elementary school. Mostly ostracized in mid school except for the one
guy who would talk about his problems to me at lunch because by that point i tended to keep quiet a lot. Actually bullied
by a PE coach for not being able to deal with the bullying from the other kids. I still imagine revenge on that guy. Had a
couple friends through the mid school years but I always hung back in the groups.

HS was better.I found people who were also odd. I'm still in contact with one but how he and his friends act simply baffle me.

Got bored with tech school and got canned from my first job as an audio tech becasue of bizarre politics and contrived
reasons. I DID like the job I had babysitting the automation at a radio station. Late nights, alone. Press the right button
when things went awry. Have tried regular jobs since then but I get frustrated at not simply being given the list of things
to be completed (that was as a mechanic) and left to get it done without being constantly interrupted or pulled from one
and put on another project. Always came home wanting to be around nobody. I prefer to be a picker. I know who buys
what and for how much, I know where good sources of things are. I simply make my rounds every day and if I need
recharge time I simply take it. Some people I know are driven insane that they can't get me to join the straight world,
but I no longer care. I hit the "take me as is" point a while ago.

I DID get very lucky in that while social norms , rules, motivations confuse the hell out of me, my sense of people's
character seems to be very good. I can't imagine anyone I know so much as batting an eye as I let people in on my
overwhelmingly probable AS. The one's I have think it's dead on and were fine with me anyway. I seem to pick good
people somehow.

Love life has been pretty much zero for 10 years. One GF in 2009 that was a disastrous situation. We worked great together. She
could deal with me very easily. Ended because of family obligations on her end. Pretty bad times. All GF's have been
very strange people. One I'm certain is somewhere on the autism spectrum. At least I understand WHY women tend
to be put off now.

That's what comes to mind for now.

Hi Ashley!

Was thinking, what about making a series of questions?
Im sure theres a possibillity that some of us would PM You with answers that they wouldnt give You on open forum...

Just my ten cents...

My family were happy for my diagnosis, actually. It probably helps that none of us have any preconceived notions against psychology since my fathers sister is a psychologist. They felt that the diagnosis explained lots about why I'm so different from normal people.

Got my diagnosis recently, a month ago in fact.

I've had some trouble finding work, which partly can be due to me feeling pretty insecure about applying for jobs (I find interviews especially gruesome, and it probably doesn't help that I don't keep constant eye contact when talking to people), and the economic recession probably didn't help either.

I'm quite comfortable answering questions and giving information about my experience. I never thought that there was anything wrong with fantasy/science fiction either but constantly being told that it was childish grated at me. I'm an only child so the issue with my family was only with my extended family.

As I said before, every human being has difficulty trusting others when their trust has been damaged is hard, the more damage that is done, the harder it is to trust. I'm glad for you that you have people you can trust.

At school, the teachers knew but didn't have that odd reaction, they treated me the same as before. I don't really have overt stimms and in the first year a girl took me aside one day to explain slang to me, so that wasn't an issue either. The only thing that changed when the people I thought were friends told everyone that I had AS was what I have already said (the way the the entire student body made groaning noises and hand gestures and calling me a ret*d after the fact of my AS hit the rumour mill). I think the fact that my father sat me down and explained basic body language to me helped me fit in better before they all found out. The odd reactions after being told started to happen after secondary school. In secondary school my AS was just a reason they gave themselves to bully me.

Jobs wise, I'm currently trying to get a job so I can save up to pay for training in counseling because I've found that I really get happy from helping people. I've already completed a certificate in Adlerian psycology and counseling skills from the money left over after my last contract ended.

I'm doing quite well in my life now and things will get even better soon because I accept me and I know what I want to do with my life.

rabchild: First, I want to thank you for responding! I'm very pleased to have so many people willing to help.

I have a few questions regarding your post. "I have been called a social liability by someone I had been close to, while in the same conversation being aknowledged as a genuinely good person and being someone that she couldn't have that kind of conversation with without the person becoming hostile." What exactly is meant here? What kind of conversation?

"Actually bullied by a PE coach for not being able to deal with the bullying from the other kids." Not a question here, but a comment. This just baffles me. I'm studying to become a teacher, and I cannot imagine ever wanting to or feeling the need to or actually bullying a student. That is just wrong!

"Got bored with tech school and got canned from my first job as an audio tech becasue of bizarre politics and contrived
reasons." Can you expand on the bizarre politics and contrived reasons?

Has anything ever upset you in public, leading to a "meltdown," causing people to stare, comment, or even resulting in you being asked to leave the public place? (sorry for the personal questions....feel free to not answer if you feel uncomfortable doing so!)

"...as I let people in on my overwhelmingly probable AS." Does this mean you have not been officially diagnosed? If so, are you working on getting a diagnosis?

Thanks again for your help!

Hauge: Thank you for responding! I'll copy and paste some previously asked questions for you!

Do you find it difficult to socialize? Do you have trouble understanding social cues? Does this result in bullying or snide remarks?

How has your family reacted to your diagnosis? Do they respect and understand you better now? Or feel that you should be able to "control" yourself?

When did you receive your diagnosis? If while in school, did you receive any special education services or accommodations to help you succeed? If so, were they difficult to obtain?

Did any of your "different" actions or reactions cause any sort of discrimination by your teachers or peers?

Have you ever had trouble obtaining/retaining employment? Have you ever lost a job due to your AS? Been kicked out of a club or organization for it?

Has anything ever upset you in public, leading to a "meltdown," causing people to stare, comment, or even resulting in you being asked to leave the public place? (sorry for the personal questions....feel free to not answer if you feel uncomfortable doing so!)

Thanks again, and I'll post more questions as I think of them!

Tosoth: Do you disclose your AS to your prospective employers when applying for jobs? If so, have you ever felt that you didn't obtain the position because of that fact?

Has anything ever upset you in public, leading to a "meltdown," causing people to stare, comment, or even resulting in you being asked to leave the public place?

LostAlien: That's great that you had people to help you understand body language and slang. I bet that helped a lot!

Do you disclose your AS to your prospective employers when applying for jobs? If so, have you ever felt that you didn't obtain the position because of that fact?

Good for you for wanting to become a counselor!! I wish you much luck!

Has anything ever upset you in public, leading to a "meltdown," causing people to stare, comment, or even resulting in you being asked to leave the public place?

I'm so glad you're doing well. It seems to me your story is a successful one!! I'll continue to think of questions and post them as I come up with them!

Thank you all again so much for your help!

Haven't had any interviews or found a job to apply to since I got diagnosed, mostly waiting to see if I get into a two year education in IT services. I would probably disclose my condition if I felt that it could be a hindrance or an advantage.

I currently have an internship at the local school cafeteria (so I can get unemployment benefits, money for basic living, don't know what you call it over there). My tasks are generally to sell drinks, make toast and lend out games and such.
Didn't have any problems with it until one kid this Thursday wanted a toast and kept rambling stuff "for fun", which led to it containing something he didn't like which upset him. He whined about it, whilst I tried to explain that he just can't ramble on but he needs to be concise which fell on deaf ears causing me to get angry (can't really remember the last time I was genuinely angry so this was a bit scary in hindsight), feeling dizzy/vertigo and have my thoughts all muddled up (for a bit I felt like I was close to collapsing, which fortunately didn't happen). The two people I work with there (both know of my condition and are helpful and understanding) helped me out though, told me to take a break (which I happily did, felt that I needed to get out of there for a while). Couple of cigarettes later and I was back working, feeling overall better, though I did feel a bit "off" for the rest of the day.

Tosoth: That's right, you did tell me you weren't diagnosed until about a month ago. Sorry about that!

I'm pleased to see that you work with people who understand your AS and help you out with it. That's great!

Can you think of any other instances of discrimination you have experienced?

I will continue to try to think of questions to ask regarding this, and I will post them as I come up with them.

Not that I'm aware of, apart of the bullying I suffered from during my childhood (as I said, some are afraid/hate different).