Hi. I have had immense social struggles ever since I was in 6th grade. It was that year that I went to a middle school that was several times the size of my elementary school. I felt overwhelmed and disengaged entirely. I downright refused to go to school by pretending to be sick every single day. I was then transferd to a very small private middle school with 15ish students per grade.
During these years I developed an intense interest in Baseball statistics and in the history of the Roman empire. Despite my baseball interest, I was too uncoordinated to play. After leaving this school, I went to a public high-school of 1600 students. I was socially a complete mess. I would constantly correct teachers every chance I got and I couldn't seem to relate to anyone. My freshman year I was ridiculously nice to the point that I would hand people money if they asked for it. My sophomore year I was very rude and mean. Since then I have gotten slight better socially, but I am still very awkward and occasionally come off as rude and/or creepy. I picked up the sport of wrestling in an attempt to find identity. I became obsessed with every facet of it to the point that I was constantly training. I actually managed to become a state placer my senior year, but this was more due to an extreme obsession than ability. I am very uncoordinated to the point of embarrassing. academically I was a good student, but I struggled immensely with math, physics, and foreign languages.
I then matriculated to a small college. It was here I achieved something that I never thought possible... I got a girlfriend. She is not socially awkward the way I am, but she is very quiet. However, I am so awkward and socially phobic at this point that I made no other friends. Nearing the end of my sophomore year I sensed my girlfriend was losing interest in me so I decided to transfer. I will be attending a very large university next year.
I hope to find friends at my new school, but I am terrified that I won't. I only have three friends right now and they all live back at home. I made them all through wrestling where my skill made up for my lack of social ability. I fear these relationships will dwindle as high-school becomes more of a distant memory. I am still in a relationship with my girlfriend, but she has told me that she currently thinks of me as more of a friend than a boyfriend. She also says that I am a terrible kisser and that it is a turnoff. I would do anything to keep her, but I fear the end of our relationship is imminent. I really don't know what to do. I'm am so scared of what the future holds for me. I can barely keep a part time job as I get overwhelmed by trying to do simple tasks like make sandwiches or work a cash register. My interests and studies focus on the social sciences, which is ironic given my lack of ability.
Thank you for listening to my story. Feel free to give me any advice. I'm not sure if you can tell from this if I have aspergers or not. Either way, it is nice to have people to talk to who go through similar struggles.
Last edited by Biggie on 19 May 2011, 3:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
18 May 2011, 9:31 pm
