Hi. It's been a while since I used this site. I tried to log into my account today (Squier), but it wouldn't work, so I set up this one. When I first signed up (5 or 6 years ago, now) there were just under 2000 members here, and I loved it. this site really helped me come to terms with my asperger's, and I ended up writing two books about it.... one of them is featured here (my real name is Quinn Koeneman, if you want to look them up).
The aura that surrounded me from those books made me much more confident then I should have been with my social skills. I have done many speaking events, and even did a panel at the movie premier of Temple Grandin in Chicago alongside Ms. Grandin herself.
but I was between the ages of 10-13 back then, and now I'm 17, and things have changed.
which is why I decided I needed to return. While everyone says I seem normal, I am yet to feel that way. I had a closed-knit group of friends up until recently, when I discovered a closer member of my group (who has started being extremely cold toward me) was in fact using me, as well as everyone else, and a rift seems to be developing. Of course, now I am starting to question all of my social skills and judgement ability, and with my final year of high school starting after this summer, I need to salvage the friends I have, lest I have to start over.... I don't have the time to make more friends before I (hopefully) move on to college.
One refuge I have taken (and thoroughly enjoy) is art, and this has lead to some success. I had a gallery show alongside a concept artist who works for Volition games. Art is wonderful because it is a language I speak that people will understand, and I can use it to help me learn about the social world, and the social world to learn about me. Plus, it's just fun.
Through art, I've also met a couple of girls...... (god, haven't felt anxiety like this since last time I wrote my "I'm New" speech here) and of course, I see my friends and classmates developing relationships, and I would want one too, but this is a realm I've never delved into before.
One girl, I've become friends with. We take a Saturday art class taught by college students at the U of I, and she's extremely nice, but she's (and if she's reading this, understand, please I don't mean this in a negative way) somewhat sheltered, and that makes my methods of social interaction more of a challenge... We play D&D together, though, and that's pretty cool.
the other is a girl in my art class who is nice to me and kinda backed me when the friend issue first started, but I honestly don't know what is there. it could be nothing. We've never even hung out outside of school, we just have nice conversations in art class.
which leads to my last issue, school. I've always been a good student, and I've always gotten great grades, but this year, for no reason, things were rough, and it was scary. Everybody tells me I'm smart, but this year I felt like I had reason to doubt that. With some intense work ethic, I was able to improve my grades in the bad classes enough, but I'm still confused as to how this happened, and reflecting on it now that my Junior year is almost over, I'm frightened it will happen again.
at least I have Physics next year, instead of Chemistry. I get physics, I considered it a hobby in middle school.
I doubt any of you remember me, but it's good to be back. maybe this site will help me pull myself back together, and regain my understanding of myself I had not that long ago.
thanks for reading.
26 May 2011, 6:16 pm
Welcome Back!! !! ! 
