Hi, I put down that I did not know if I had Aspergers, but I actually have a truck-load of diagnosed mental things that I have totally ignored until now. I've tried pills a few times, but then get me even more non-empathetic. I really feel nothing (no emotion) if on anti-depressants. I actually think I was borderline autistic when I was younger. ( I am old enough so that when I was a kid, no one even brought their kids to the hospital unless they broke a bone). I do not remember much of school. I walked around a lot and tripped a lot, no one liked me. I didn't talk a lot, and had no real friends (My cousin, but we were not that close). I know I just stared a lot (at clouds and so on) and lived in my little world. I got failing grades all through school, then one day became brilliant, went to college, got straight A's (well, a few B's). I guess it is like one of those kids who can't talk till they are five, and suddenly have the vocabulary of an adult.
I am an artist (well, starting out)-- I get into the zone and am there for hours on end. We could have a tornado and I would not know. This is good work for someone such as me. I am making fine art bronzes, generally of people and animals, and will have an opening at a gallery pretty soon. Since I am doing this, I need to learn to "sell myself" and don't want to come off like a feeling less turd. (Can I say that here?) Self promotion is hard enough without problems communicating.
In other news, I am here, because it just hit me that I am cruel to other people-- I think I am saying things that make sense to me, only to find myself being accused of abusiveness. I thought that people had just gotten more sensitive, but now I think I actually am insensitive. I have no social graces whatsoever, I've never been close to anyone, generally I am dumped, and it bugs me a lot, but I have gotten so used to it that I expect to be dumped. It is pretty bleak.
I heard about AS last year, and pretty much got an A+ in the symptoms, (except that I can communicate well if I do not have to be in the same room as the other person). No, I have not specifically looked into getting a diagnosis because I have no idea what to do with it. Would it help me in any way? No.Would it be a "pre-existing condition?" Yes-- and I do not want one of those. I do need to find out how not to say what I really mean-- how to be more diplomatic. I guess if I know I have problems this way, I will know to watch myself.
I look forward to meeting people here, and reading about their experiences.
Thanks, Gita
19 May 2011, 2:10 pm
