Another newbie here saying hello!

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Hi all!

I'm Gowthum, I'm a 23 year old grad student (I'm a guy btw) in Nashville who was diagnosed recently with Asperger's Syndrome. Well, I always knew I was strange, knowing I'm an Aspie made me realize why. I have an interest in anything science related (I'm doing my Masters in Physics right now), sci-fi games and movies, and in foreign languages (I can speak english ofcourse, Spanish, Russian and my native language Tamil.) Although I suck at knowing ppl's intentions, judging their nonverbal ques when I'm talking to them, I've learned to pay close attention to ppl's and can now more or less seem normal by applying this knowledge. Although I've learned to make friends through years of painful trial and error, I still don't know how to properly interact with the opposite sex. Of course, I've dated women before, I find it difficult to get close to them and because of this, all of my relationship have not survived past two months. For a long time I used to feel like I was some kind of freak, that I was some kind of ogre that everyone saw but me. I guess now that I'm older and (should I say) wiser, I've come to embrace who I am, even though those thoughts do creep up every once in a while.

I guess in short, I'm here to learn how to be...normal and seek out more ppl like me. So... here I am, hello!

Hello and welcome to Wrong Planet I like sci-movies too, particularly zombie movies (don't know if that counts as sci-fi but anyways). Embrace being weird, this is a good thing At Wrong Planet there are some good forums for learning how to make friends, understanding behaviour and other things. Since joining Wrong Planet I know myself better. Don't be afraid to talk to other people, we won't bite

welcome. youll find a lot of people who're science nerds on these forums who im sure'll be happy to share their nerdiness with you and you'll learn stuff too about human interaction and things. you're normal amongst us even though you mightn't be in the real world. dunno if that makes you feel better thats an impressive list of languages by the way.

Welcome!

Welcome to WrongPlanet

There is no such thing as normal, trust me
What is the point of trying to be someone we're not? We should be ourselves, right?
Hope you enjoy your time here

Welcome!

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Hiya!

I've never been formally diagnosed with Asperger's but I'm pretty sure I have it - and I can totally relate to your social situation, though I STILL don't pick up on most people's 'cues.' I mean, I don't even realize there ARE cues - I look for them and see NOTHING. I won't realize I'm boring someone 'til they just walk off, or log off messenger, or stop talking to me. D:

In all honesty, it's kind of scary, not knowing what a person is thinking, not being able to tell if someone is bored or mad at you or thinks you're awesome. I get a little paranoid around people because of this. Anyways, I was wondering - how did you figure out the cues? What are they, anyways? Because I legitimately CANNOT TELL what it means when a person sighs or shifts or whatever.

Also, I have this tendency to have no idea what I'm doing in conversations - I don't know when to end them, and I suspect I end them too short - I sort of go with the "leave them wanting more" idea but it doesn't appear to work. It seems to leave them wanting less! I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm afraid. >:[ Do you have this problem too, or did you? And if you did but don't anymore, how'd you figure out how to get past it?

Thanks everybody for the warm hello!

LaydeeWriter, I learned how to pick up on cues because of people I met at one of my old jobs, people I now consider to be close friends. I used to work at a restaurant (worked there for 3 years 9 months) so you can imagine how hard it was having to interact with all those customers, not to mention your co workers. I started out, pissing off everyone I worked with, including my boss. At first he saw me as a stupid jerk. So he would bully and berate me for being this jerk. As horrible as this may sound, I adapted, I started realizing that certain behaviors were bad, and others were good and I changed without taking his attacks personally ( I guess thats an aspy thing... )Of course later, he realized that I was not that way on purpose but because I didn't know any better. So, whenever I made a mistake, instead of berating me, he would pull me aside and explain to me what I did wrong and why I shouldn't do that again. The other friends I made there did the same, they weren't afraid to tell me that I was an idiot, when I was acting like an idiot. Essentially, I learned from them, watched them interact with their friends and significant others and I started emulating their behavior. Overtime, after months, even years of analysis, I started to understand the logic and psychology behind these behaviors and started assimilating them, essentially making them my own. I developed a new personality (so to speak) for myself, and this personality continues to change and grow, the more people I meet and befriend.

And that's how I learned what I learned (sorry for being long winded...) I guess the best thing to do as an aspy is to find an NT you trust and ask him/her what to do in many situations and learn. When it comes to facial expressions, I learned through painful trial and error, essentially learning to protect myself after being hurt many times.

I hope this helped you!

It did help a little, at least you gave me an idea of how things worked out for you. : ) I don't think I'd feel comfortable asking an NT to help me with this, at this point, unless it was a therapist - but I have no money or medical insurance, so I can't get one of those! I think I will try to pay close attention to people interacting with other people and see what they do. I don't usually pay attention to stuff I find boring, and watching people talk is usually boring to me, so I'm sure this will be difficult but it's worth a shot! I just hope the people I'm watching don't get mad and tell me I'm staring at them. >.>

Thanks everybody for the warm hello!

LaydeeWriter, I learned how to pick up on cues because of people I met at one of my old jobs, people I now consider to be close friends. I used to work at a restaurant (worked there for 3 years 9 months) so you can imagine how hard it was having to interact with all those customers, not to mention your co workers. I started out, pissing off everyone I worked with, including my boss. At first he saw me as a stupid jerk. So he would bully and berate me for being this jerk. As horrible as this may sound, I adapted, I started realizing that certain behaviors were bad, and others were good and I changed without taking his attacks personally ( I guess thats an aspy thing... )Of course later, he realized that I was not that way on purpose but because I didn't know any better. So, whenever I made a mistake, instead of berating me, he would pull me aside and explain to me what I did wrong and why I shouldn't do that again. The other friends I made there did the same, they weren't afraid to tell me that I was an idiot, when I was acting like an idiot. Essentially, I learned from them, watched them interact with their friends and significant others and I started emulating their behavior. Overtime, after months, even years of analysis, I started to understand the logic and psychology behind these behaviors and started assimilating them, essentially making them my own. I developed a new personality (so to speak) for myself, and this personality continues to change and grow, the more people I meet and befriend.

And that's how I learned what I learned (sorry for being long winded...) I guess the best thing to do as an aspy is to find an NT you trust and ask him/her what to do in many situations and learn. When it comes to facial expressions, I learned through painful trial and error, essentially learning to protect myself after being hurt many times.

I hope this helped you!

I can understand lol

I guess the reason I was able to pay attention is that I see people as puzzles and well, I like solving puzzles!
I wouldn't ask just any NT for help, just someone you really trust, could be a close friend or a relative. Trust me, its worth it cuz they possess a skill you or I don't possess, its only logical to learn from them...

Welcome to WP!

I've been to Nashville before, one of the most beautiful cities I had ever visited.