Am I Alone....

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.....in thinking I would be better off without diagnosis?

I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 7, and that diagnosis has brought nothing but misery to me. My overprotective and suffocating mother took me out of mainstream education, and dumped me in a school primarily made up of low-functioning Autistics, as a result I had no friends as a child from the age of nine onwards. She also stopped me from trying to get a driving licence thanks to her paranoid fear that people with AS cannot learn to drive and one of my ambitions has always been to join the Army, but it turns out I can't for as long as I've got this millstone round my neck.

I'm currently trying for a rediagnosis in the hope that I can heal these wounds and get on with the life I should have had. This may sound harsh, but I feel I would have had a much better life if Hans Asperger had been killed in that allied bombing raid over Vienna.

1. How does the Army know what you were diagnosed with at age 7?

2. If you're old enough to join the Army, can't you just tell your suffocating mother to go to hell, and do whatever you want?

They would find out through my medical records.


She's managed to get over that unpleasantness, she now realises she hurt me badly.

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Not having a diagnosis will not make your handicaps magically disappear. Having a different DX will not change who you are, or how others respond to you. I didn't have any idea what AS was until I was nearly 50. Not knowing that my oddness had a name didn't change the shabby way people have treated me all my life for being different than them. A diagnosis is just a word, not a curse or an evil spell.

So you feel you've been held back because of your mother's reaction to the DX - I get that that sucks, but it would have been just as frustrating if you'd grown up with everybody around you telling you you had to measure up to their standards and perform at their level with no excuses for failure, because by God, there's nothing wrong with you. That was my reality. When I really COULDN'T do something, I was screamed at and abused for being a loser, for being stubborn and defiant and insubordinate and uncooperative because on the surface I didn't LOOK handicapped. And of course, I couldn't explain WHY I couldn't be like them because I didn't know why myself. Sorry to say, but its a set of handicaps that will always leave obstacles in your path whether you have a name for the condition or not.

You can tell your Mom, however, that there are plenty of people with AS out here who drive all the time. I've been driving for 35 years now and have a driving record that is very nearly perfect. For that matter, there have been several people who have posted here who have had careers in the military. Personally, I don't think fast enough under pressure to volunteer for a job where I might get shot at, but if that's your dream, good luck!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

It actually sounds like your mother is a bigger issue in your life then your Dx..... Ok, so the UK precludes Aspies from serving in the military, but theres still lots of things you can do regardless, numero Uno sounds like getting out from under your mother if shes as bad as what you've described.

Welcome to WP, Good Luck

Welcome!

I haven't been diagnosed but I can relate to what Evangilante said about being mistreated for not being able to do normal things. I have been accused of intentionally under-achieving, being lazy or just "slow". No matter how many times I watched others do it and no matter how slowly I told them to do it I still couldn't tie my shoes the normal way until adulthood. I just made up my own way to look like a bow. I'd tie a double knot (which used to be hard to undo alot of the time) then poke both ends of the shoe lace through the middle of the double knot making a fake bow. And yet I can teach myself guitar, foreign languages and generally absorb anything like a sponge if it interests me. In my case a diagnosis would have made alot of things make sense and I still hope to get tested and assessed this year some time. Without a diagnosis of an ASD I will feel forced to remain "out in the cold" wondering about the many quirks that have dogged me slightly in life.

It's unfortunate that you weren't allowed to stay in mainstream school, but even though I did, I still made no lasting friendships until I was an adult, and it's still difficult for me. I wish I had gotten a dx sooner myself because I'm very stressed out at work and now I know why-I'm in a position in a profession that is not really very well suited to my strengths and weaknesses. But now that I know what the problem is I'm 11 years into my profession and dont want to start all over again in another career. I am very good at and enjoy the technical aspects, and am calm in a physical crisis, but have trouble relating to people when I am stressed or they or their families are being very "dramatic" with their emotions. If I had known sooner I might have made different career choices and be less stressed and enjoy my work more-since I have to work to pay the bills you know...