another "i'm new" post *sigh*

Post Reply New Topic

Hi, everyone. This is my official “I’m new” post. My name is Bridget and I'm Australian. I’m 23 years old, but I act and look about 17. My interests are music (listening and playing), cats, painting and drawing, and the theatre. I've been lurking around this forum for about a year, and I figured it was about time I actually said something. I thought it might help me get some answers from people think like me. Over the years my difficulties have caused serious depression, to the point of self harm and suicidal thoughts.

I was diagnosed with PDD on the border of Aspergers at the age of 11. I display many of the Aspergers characteristics: shyness, inability to make friends, intense interests, not understanding social cues, etc etc. The thing is, I have been getting very depressed and confused lately, even more than usual.

I'm just not sure I have any real place in this world. I have just finished university, and did a degree I wasn't really interested in. My mother (who is very NT) is always on my back telling me to get a job so I can pay my own way and not spend so much time in my room. It's just that my room is the only place I feel free to be myself. I'm sure my parents wish I was more like my brother, who is one of the most outgoing people you could ever meet. I just do not have the need for constant social contact. I have two close friends and they provide all the social contact I need. Nobody seems to understand, they all want me to be somebody I’m not. Most of the time I pass as NT, but this is mainly because I’ve learnt how to imitate one in order to fit in. I wish I could just be myself.

I know that I love music more than anything in the world, but I don't feel I have the right type of personality to 'make it' in the music industry. These days its all based on money and fame, not actual talent or creativity. I have no interest in the commercial side, I just want to do what I love. Will I always feel this purposeless?

I really look forward to sharing my opinions with you guys. Anyway I’ll stop now because I’ve probably bored everybody. Sorry for the rant, I just needed to vent.

Bridget.

You've come to the right place, I think, glad you're here. It sounds like you're having introvert problems; if so, there's nothing wrong with you!

You might want to look at this
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/IntrovertRetreat/

and maybe give your family a copy of this
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/print/200303/rauch/

You mention a degree in something that doesn't interest you, I'm curious to know what that was. I bet there's a way to improve things.

Welcome to Wrong Planet! I'm sure we'll get along great.

I can totally understand your frustration with the world of entertainment being based on money and fame. Most musicians these days are basically playing the same thing, and whenever a unique musician shows up, they're not very well-received.

I hope you find something that interests you. Good luck and enjoy posting here on Wrong Planet!

Welcome Bridget

BTW well done on getting your degree - it's hard enough when you are interested in a subject, but doubly so when you aren't.

Hi Bridget! Thanks for joining .

Good job on your degree, Bridgett, and welcome to Wrong Planet.

Hi, Bridget!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I think you'll fit in with us very well here!

I hope you enjoy posting!

Hi Bridget and welcome.

The part of your post I have quoted nearly freaked me out. It is identical to my own experience - in fact I could have written those exact words myself at your age. The problem I had is the fact that AS just was not recognised in the late 60's, so I had all that stuff going on in my head and no explanation as to why. There was no-one I could talk to about it, so like all Aspies over a certain age, I just struggled on best I could on my own.

It's great that you have finally decided to post on WP.

No you haven't made me bored at all, I understand the feeling though cause I myself am on the Spectrum and have dealt with a few vicious people claiming this or that was boring or whatever.

Im a Musician myself and I also find yeah there are some Music acts who are unfortunately based on Money and Fame but not on any actual Talent at all which is a shame.

Granted yeah it would be nice to make some Money from Music and stuff but still it's like you have to remind yourself your Music is more real than people like Paris Hilton who can't even sing (who even told her she could sing in the 1st place, it wasn't me that's for sure).

I performed a couple of gigs before and I hope to do more in the future and I gotta say people who went to my gigs commented on the fact I did my own Original stuff.

Ya know what I had an issue with a guy who played Guitar himself but barely playedf any originals and rather played Covers and I let him come to my House to Jam with me but low and behold he acts like he is my Grand Dictator, my Grand General of Generals, my Grand Director of the KGB or whatever im sure ya get the picture.

He definetly didn't know im Autistic but he prolly figured I have a Learning Disability or whatever and stuff but he certainly wanted to try taking Advantage of me cause like well a week after I let him come over I did get a call from a Drummer who had seen one of my Ads (I did call back too but never did hear from him again).

But anyways phone had beeped or something and I later called and asked my Mom if she had called me or not and she said she hadn't and I told her about this call I got and then a knock was on the Door so I had to get off the Phone and I answered and it was this guy I had allowed to come over to Jam.

He insulted the way I play Guitar saying I would get nowhere if I did not do like according to his way and I tried to say what if maybe I wanna just Sing and have someone else play Guitar.

Before those words I did tell him of a Drummer calling and well here is where the treating me like Property comes in, he said why did ya do this to me, we should form a band and I did not wanna form a band with him cause of my wish for an Alcohol Free band and well this guy Drinks.

Anyways after he insulted me get this he asks about moving into my House and paying my Bills or whatever (my Parents own my House but while they do pay Mortage, I pay Electric Bill, Internet Bill as well as for one of the 2 Phone lines, my Parents use other line when they are up here, so they pay for the other line).

This guy claimed it would help me to buy a better Guitar than the ones I have now (I did buy a better Guitar later anyways in a Garage Sale on a good deal).

Well anyways I was like 1st he insults the way I play Guitar and he wants to move in? well my Parents legally own my House and 1st of all I did not want him moving in and 2nd of all my Parents would have said No unless it was a Woman who Marries Me.

I even told the guy no one is moving in here unless it is a Woman and I marry her.

Eventually he had discussion taken outside and finally I went inside and locked all the doors as well.

I was like gee this guy not only had a Music Vision different from mine but he did not pay attention to the concept of writing and recording your own original Music and I was like he is not gonna take advantage of me or even Dictate how im gonna do my Music.

Oh yeah I have music on www.soundclick.com/ryanmcreynolds

Hi Bridget


Glad you decided to join us I think I understand how you feel(I believe aspies have empathy!!)
I know that my moms attempt to make me "normal" came from her fear for me in a basically hostile world...the irony was ,she was creating alot of the hostility herself by not excepting me as I am.I have expended so much of my energy on just trying to maintain my sainity(sometimes not so succesful ),in a world that kept telling me that I was "deffective"when I felt that my only problem was the narrowness of societys deffinition of "normal".I think your moms' desire for you to be more like your brother is her own fear that you may have more "struggles" in life, as you are...and she maybe right....(parents can often not seperate your pain from their pain...she doesnt want to have to hurt with you),But trying to "pretend" you are another person is not going to reduce your pain,just create more anxiety when you cant live up to her wishes.(sorry.I know I am projecting alot here)Anyway....as painful as it is to feel like your are disappointing your mom(I am 42 ,and still feel it)I hope you realize that it is coming from a place of love(however misguided)

Thanks for the warm welcomes and comments everyone I'm sure I'll fit in well here. From what I've read on this site, it seems a lot of people have similar experiences to mine. Which is new for me since I've always felt so alone in my experiences. Its great to know I'm not the only one who has these problems.

You're welcome!

I was considering asking you this, but I was seriously holding back. Now, I'm not as nervous.

Can you please let us know some examples of exactly how you are similar to us?

One of the main things I relate to is the experience of trying to change who you are in order to fit in and make other people happy (ie. parents) I'm so used to doing that sometimes I don't even realise I'm doing it. It's like wearing an NT "mask" and hiding the Aspie aspects of your personality. But like Krex said earlier, this only makes it harder to accept who you really are, and creates more problems when you can't live up to it. Another thing that frustrates me is not being able to relate to people. And the way you're just expected to know how to interact appropriately with people and if you can't you're left out in the cold.

Thanks, I'm sure that will be helpful. The course I did was a bachelor of Business, which was incredibly boring, but I worked my way through it. I found other reasons to enjoy university life, and I just loved being in the uni grounds, which were really lovely. I found University is actually a good place to be an aspie, there are misfits everywhere! I really miss it now though.

Yes, that is hard for me as well.

If we don't do that, there are consequences.

Hi Bridget

My names kim. I hope this site helps you.

not being very social is not always a bad thing. people are all different and need different amounts of human contact... IMO small groups of friends is better because you get to know eachother very well, and because you have less friends you are nicer to the ones you have.