hey there

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Hey all.

I'm new. My name's Jasmine. I'm 18, and am currently a student at the University of Central Florida. I'm majoring in Computer Science. My current interests are video games, anime, graphic novels, spirituality (especially Unitarianism, Buddhism, Shintoism, and Hinduism), electronic music, drawing, art, astronomy, and of course, computers.

I guess I'll give a little history of myself... In elementary school, I was very shy and cried often, for various reasons. In middle school, I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. My psychiatrist gave me Paxil, which got rid of my anxiety pretty quickly. I was so eager to engage in the social life everyone takes for granted, but in my Paxil high, I realized nobody really had anything worthwhile to communicate. That was somewhat disappointing, and that's when I realized I was a lot more different than I thought myself to be.

I missed the first half of my freshman year in high school due to a complication from treatment of Graves Disease. My mental and physical capabilities haven't been the same since. People in high school were exceedingly cruel and childish. My best friends ended up abusing me physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. Through out the 10th and 11th grade, I suffered from hallucinations, severe depression, cutting, and thoughts of horrific violence towards those who I felt wronged me, and myself. I wanted to drop out of high school so bad, and even attempted suicide because I couldn't stand it there. In my senior year, I dumped my so-called friends, and participated in the "early admission" program, which is completing your senior year of high school in a local college or university. I started to build myself anew from there. My English professor opened me up to the ideas of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Ghandi, and Carl Jung, where I found some kind of spiritual and intellectual belonging. I now associate myself with the Unitarian Universalist Church.

I've never really had a satisfying friendship... and certainly never a romantic relationship. There isn't too many people I'd like to be friends or lovers with anyway, but a part of me always feels deeply alone. I always hate the fact that everyone else seems so happy getting wasted, partying, whoring themselves out, talking about inane BS, listening to crappy music, watching crappy movies and crappy reality shows, and settling for crappy relationships, while I just can't enjoy any of that.

I've found a little solice in the Honors College here, but not enough. Unfortunately, I live in the worst dorm, with the most annoying girls on the face of the planet. They have no volume control, no respect for privacy, and can't seem to accept the fact that I don't want anything to do with them or their lifestyle. I've exploded with anger once at them already, and it's getting to the point where I want to break their limbs. I'm trying to get transferred to the honors dorms, where at least I'll more likely have peace and quiet.

Well, anyway, my point is, I did a little research on Asperger Syndrome, and what I've read describes me completely, from birth until now. I found this community in my research, and thought I'd drop by for some moral support. I really need it.

Hi Jasmine, I’m Mark. You’ve come to the right place. I have very little social life outside WP. It really fills a void for me. It’s like the family I never had. I think you’re gonna like it here.

"Got Kami?"

I envy the clarity of the delivery of your experience.

Hang in there (dorms)

welcome

Hi Jasmine, Welcome! I'm sure you'll have a good time here.

I relate to your experiences with socialising a lot. I've always felt socially isolated from others, and over the years this led to depression. During the later high school years I bottled up all these feelings and told myself I was just like everyone else. I kidded myself that all I had to do was imitate what others did and talked about in order to fit in. But it made things worse in the long run. I had friends, but they were all superficial relationships, nothing personal at all. I often wondered what the point was.

Sometimes I wish I could be a social person, but I agree that often it seems like theres noone out there worth being friends with. The kind of things that take up peoples lives (boring relationships, crappy TV and music, etc) seem so unbeleivably mundane to me. And people call us boring!

Hi, Jasmine!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I hope you enjoy posting here!