Do I have Asperger's? You tell me.

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Hi, I'm new here. I'm 36, from Canada. I was killing time one day at work, reading Wikipedia, and probably came across Asperger's in an article about sensitivity to sounds. Previously I had always been looking around to see what it is about me that makes me different, reading the DSM and so forth, and could never figure it out. I don't know if I'm schizoid, but I have had avoidant tendencies. I don't think I have ADD because I've always done well concentrating - and my best friend was diagnosed with ADD and I can see how much of a mess his life is all the time. I mean, I always can meet on time, while he disappears for weeks on end.

I have always been rather obsessive. I mean, as a child I read a dictionary, maybe around age 5. Yes, the whole dictionary. I used to keep all my hockey cards in order, organizing the players by team and current stats (not even being Canadian can explain that!). I read all of Lord of the Rings in one sitting, once - though I was laid up on a couch with a torn-up knee.

I've had terrible problems dealing with other people. In grade school I was probably kicked out of class once a week. (They called it being disruptive, but I really couldn't understand what the heck was going on around me.) I actually spent an entire semester in a utility room. I've always done well in school, though until maybe grade 7 I was pitiful at writing - or rather, I felt terribly uncomfortable with writing, had no idea what to write, even when given a topic. Even though I was reading at an adult level, actually writing something was physically painful to me.

Around age 16, I had my first real friend. She was someone who I could talk to about everything. I think that one person had a tremendous effect on my life. So, I do know how to open up to other people. In highschool I never went to dances or anything. I hated the whole highschool mentality. Strangely, by grade 13 I became a "popular" kid, but maybe that was just because I was one of the older kids at that point.

I'm maybe better-socialized now, than I was when I was a kid. I've worked in retail sales (at a porn shop, even!), I was agressively trained in "skills-marketing" in community college so I can do job interviews painlessly, I've played in bands a lot, I've hosted radio shows, and I've probably written about a million words on the internet. But at the same time I seem to regularly be misunderstood, social situations are uncomfortable even though I've improved with them, and I do know I come across as different.

I usually have no emotional interest in what other people say in a conversation. I don't make a habit of looking other people in the eye or whatever. I've had 2 good serious relationships and maybe a couple half-started failures, no marriage or anything. Tend to prefer staying in, though going out to a bar or something with a couple people is okay; but public places with many people where you're expected to socialize are right out. I actually really hate socializing publicly. Even in a group of 3 or 4 friends, the conversation will exclude me after a little bit.

I get extremely irritated, to the point of being angry, when I am interrupted while concentrating - like at work, when I have something to get done (but no due date) and someone comes along with something else that they need done "asap". My supervisor irritates me too, as he has a habit of sighing, or whatever, that completely takes away my attention from what I'm doing.

I can still be obsessive about things - like, not only can I play CivIII for half a day straight, and not only can I go without smoking that long when playing (I normally smoke a pack a day), but I downloaded a 362x362 map and installed the Double Your Pleasure rules modification and created new civilizations based on extensive Wiki-research on which world civilizations actually started at or before 1000BC. For those of you who don't know the game, that's like 100 hours work maybe, just to play a "more realistic" computer game.

Work-related stress has a horrible effect on me. I can spend hours at night, being angry about some poor decision someone made at work, or fretting about how I can't make a deadline, complaining to myself, or planning out what to do the next day, to the point that I can't get to sleep til 2 or 3 AM.

Does any of this sound like Asperger's, or have I just used up way too much of this message board's space? I'm not really interested in going to my doctor about it, cos I'm 36 and have lived with this up til now and have quit worrying about being different. And besides, it would take about a year to get a referral to a psychiatrist, and would cost me money as my situation isn't life-threatening for me.

Anyway, if you've got pity for the new guy, let me know, if it's Asperger's, or if I've got something else going on?

I'm no psychiatrist, but you may be a candidate to have the AS.

Either way, I am proud to know someone who works in a porn shop.

Worked. That was a decade ago. Now I'm in engineering design. And working in a porn shop is actually quite mundane. I'm sure selling lingerie or "marital aids" would have been a lot more fun.

Funny thing is, as your post would suggest, it does actually work wonders for you when you put it on your resume.

I am glad to know someone who has worked in a porn shop, but I sure wouldn't want to work in one myself. Something about seeing creepy guys (like myself) buying porn is disturbing. And if I saw milk (or something resembling it) on the floor, I'd think about quitting.

wrong,

From your post alone I can't say I could give you a straight answer as to whether you are AS or not but I do see a few signs that point to it.

Have you tried taking the Aspie quiz? The link for it is here:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/asperger.htm ... aspie+quiz

Your penchant for organizing things such as your hockey cards at that young age, your social awkwardness and discomfort, your inability to multi-task (such as getting your rhythm interrupted by your colleagues when at work),your insomnia, your intense focus on your computer mapping hobby, your being misunderstood in social situations, and your inability with eye contact are all hallmarks of AS, but again, there is too little evidence to come to any conclusion.

Whatever it is you have, you seem to have come up with some coping skills of your own such as your retail background, your training in marketing, your hosting radio shows, and your having played in bands. Wow! I admire your courage.

Whatever the answer may be, I'm sure you'll find out soon. Good luck!

Papillon, thanks for that link to the test. Here is the result I got:

"Your Aspie score: 122 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 79 of 200
You are more Aspie than neurotypical"

I wish there were a better answer scale though, as with some questions I wanted to reply "oh heck yes yes yes!", while with others I wanted to reply "absolutely not, no way, what are you talking about?". I guess an internet multiple choice test isn't a fantastic diagnostic tool, because it can't figure out things like differential diagnoses, though at least that one seems to have a lot of questions.

I'd have to say intense focus and complete inability to multi-task are really strong characteristics of mine. I love complete silence around me. I love working in an empty part of the office. I can get so much done, and it makes me happy. But at the same time, I don't lose track of time at all. The only time I can't stop my mind from thinking is when there is stress and I'm worrying.

Though, I *can* still "joke around with the guys", and make jokes, and such. You know, the aggressive male version of humour-bonding. So does that mean I don't have Asperger's?

I think if I've got coping strategies, it's been because I had long periods where I forgot all about social awkwardness - I probably came off as a right jerk, but paid absolutely no attention to it. From 16 to maybe 22, I felt more normal (hung out with weirdo druggies in bands, smoked dope, drank like a fish, and went to university). After that I had a breakdown and went back to being socially isolated. And music always helped me turn off my mind and block everyone else out - even if we were playing together. Only the notes were there.

Not at all. I enjoy this, too, although only in limited amounts.

I also wish these internet quizzes had better answer scales.

wrong

You certainly have a lot of aspie traits. There are a few official list of traits and if you have most of them then you get to be "Aspie". You don't have to have all of them. Try www.tonyattwood.com.au and http://www.as-if.org.uk/reasons.htm and http://www.aspires-relationships.com/as_grows_up.htm

If you feel it fits you, do the research and make the most of the strategies you learn. Being aspie should help a lot in an engineering field, once you train your co-workers not to interrupt you. Maybe you could hang a "do not disturb" sign up when you're on a roll. Personally I think cubicles are the worst for engineering and computer programming (and design) type work.

To get a "formal diagnosis" you need to find a specialist in the field of Aspergers, one that has diagnosed Adults - because most of them focus on children only, and the specialist will probably want to talk to your parents and maybe your school teachers about what you were like as a child. There may not be any advantage to you getting a formal diagnosis if you can make use of the social strategies and training etc without one. The label may even be a disadvantage at work, even if a lot of engineers have aspie traits too. So be careful who you share this information with. There are a lot of ignorant and predjudiced people out there who just won't understand what you mean, why you told them, and what you'd like them to do about it. There will also be some people who will understand and will help you - like keeping interruptions away from you. Just make sure you have a really good understanding of how having aspie traits helps you as well was how they hold you back.

Also - Autism and Aspergers are a spectrum - some people are more affected by it than others. Ie some people sit closer to Neurotypical (NT) on the spectrum and find it easier to fit in, others are good enough at learning NT rules and pretending to fit in - well enough that it works on most NTs. And some people just don't want to know, don't care, or can't quite get it right no matter what they try.

All the best and welcome.

My son plays this from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep-- he's 9 .

You sound like you have traits, like you have a strong NT emulator, probably you are using cigs as self-medication for some of your ADD-like traits (a substitute for ritalin)... like me it sounds like you were much worse off as a kid.

What makes you think you are schizoid?

Am I the only one who nearly jumps out of her chair when she sees each post start with "wrong??" I keep thinking I've butted in on an argument!!

What made me think I was schizoid? This goes back to when I was maybe 22, I was seeing a psychiatrist. Years later I started reading about schizoid p.d., and one article I saw describing therapy sessions with schizoid patients just whacked me across the head. Most of the sessions I had, I'd just sit there not wanting to say anything. This author said it was very characteristic of schizoid patients to do that. I'm not really that withdrawn now, but I sort of was at that time. Who knows? There seems to be so little research and so much misinformation in the psychiatric literature about schizoid p.d., I guess because that type of person wouldn't typically present for treatment, that I can't really tell if I counted.

As for being "wrong" - I didn't know what to use for a nic here, and I wanted to see if "wrong" had already been taken ("wrong planet", after all), and besides, it's the name of a pretty good album by a band I like, and other connotations, yadda yadda.

As for being Aspie, from reading the various diagnostic criteria, I figure either I'm not really, or I've gotten much less so over time, or I'm only barely. I do know childhood was absolute heck, and I simply couldn't understand other people at all. I think maybe I need to read more about differential diagnoses, moreso than symptom checklists. I just had suspected, maybe something I wrote would stick out, that a diagnosed Aspie would say "ah-ha! that's it entirely" or "no, impossible".

Anyway, does it matter to me? I just want to get on with life, find someone like me, and try to be happy in my own way. If that alone can make me fit in here, I'll stick around.

Hi Wrong

I think an Aspie with a reasonable brain can learn to fit in with NT society pretty much. Aspies learn the social rules - the hard way - by getting it wrong and then having someone patiently explain that whatever it is is not appropriate - or just by being mercilessly punished by their peers for something that seemed perfectly logical at the time.

Some Aspies don't want to learn. Or think they don't need to. Or think their way is better and everyone else should learn their way.

What I find is I've learnt a lot of social rules and I can fit in really well when I apply all of them. Sometimes the effort is exhausting and I can't be bothered, so I stay away from people on those days or only hang out with people who don't mind me being "rude". Under stress and extreme frustration - I tend to forget all the social polite rules - and that is when I feel like I've "reverted" and the aspieness is all raw and undiluted. And that's when I know for sure that Aspie is part of me. Sometimes being totally blunt and direct and not pausing to think of a "nice way of phrasing" what I've got to say is just right for the situation and other times it isn't. Apparently this is why Aspies can be really good emergency workers because then blunt and direct is what you need. No time for politeness.

Hi Wrong....It sounds like you were very "aspie" as a child and that is what they base alot of the DX on.I am 42 and decided to get a "professional" DX because I am tired of working low paying jobs and hope that I can get some insight into what I can do to live up to my perceived "Potential" and what direction I should head in to find a job that fits my strengths and weaknesses(tired of being stressed)

Since I first read about AS I have gone back and forth about ....does it fit?I think that is normal because there is so much "wiggle" room in the DX....one thing I have found interesting on this site is the diversity of the people here....everyone appears to have their own unique "issues" even though there is alot of commonality as well.Even those who are at the same place on the spectrum can be vastly influenced by the environment they grew up in.Many also have co-existing conditions, like depression or anxiety that could be caused by trying to deal with AS or seperate from it.AS adults growing up with AS in a time when there was no understanding of it...many people learned ways of coping with the issues...some, by imitating NT behavior(even if not really understanding it or feeling it was real),some through self destructive means(drinking,bad marriages),and some by finding an environment that was less hostile to "differences"(writers,the arts,enginers and computer folks?)

Anyway.....what ever my DX..(I scored 162 but think I was less "aspie" the you as a child)I have found people here very supportive and am currently addicted to the forums for my daily dose of..."I am not alone or such a freak after all..."I need that after dealing with most of the "real" world...

LOL wrong!

Nothing like a little bit of blue collar humor