Hello everyone, I'm new, really need help on military strugg

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I'm glad I found this place.

Let me give you my background. I am in the US Marines, been in the service for 15 years and I have had a struggle for the past 5 or 6 years.

I think I have Asperger. Let me tell you why I think that, as a kd I was always withdrawn, at parties I was always alone, the only reason I would have friends was because I obsessed with learning soccer to the point that I was better than my neighbors and that is why i had some friends, the thing is that I didn't care if i had no friends, I actually liked solitude and some days my goal was not to talk to anyone, it was normal for me. I grew up in a third world country so diagnosis was out of the question. I came to the US when I was 14 years old and went to junior high and high school and again just making friends by playing good soccer. After high school I joined the Marined out of impulse. The first ten years were somewhat ok because I mostly had to obey orders and I followed them to the best of my ability but when it came to being a leader I always had trouble because I just could not socialize like anyone else so I could not show confidence.

Now in my 15 years in the service I am supposed to be a leader and I am just having a very bad struggle because if i am given instructions on how to do something I am able to do it but when it comes to leading and giving instructions and socializing I am having a lot of problems. In fact my 1stSgt has even commented on me stopping on isolating myself but I just don't feel like socalizing, I don't feel like joking or even interacting with anyone at work and the problem is that i truly believe it is affecting my credibility as a US Marine to the point that I feel like getting out or saying that I suspect having Asperger, I feel like I don't care if I am discharged, I feel like it would be a huge weight off my shoulders and I will feel liberated but of course I have second thoughts and also a wife and kid, my wife says just wait five more years and retire so we can have a pension but I truly rather get out and pursue something I feel I will like than stay in be miserable and be a mediocre Marine just so i can have a pension.

I feel like i am about to break and I don;t know what could happen, any advise please

thank you

Your delema is interesting to me because I have often thought about how in the workplace, successful workers are often promoted to leadership positions. Some will be good leaders because they are natural leaders, some will eventually become good leaders because they learn to be good leaders and some don't become good leaders because they haven't the natural talent and simply don't like it.

It sounds to me that you probably need to make a change. Five years is a very long time to do work you are unsuited for and dislike.

Your wife's concerns are quite litigitimate. You've completed 3/4 of your career in the Marines, why not finish the last 1/4 for the retirement benefits. Also leaving the Marines now, you would be entering this depressed job market.

I know nothing of what is possible in the military. Is it possible to ask for a transfer to a different job in the Marine Corp which does not involve leadership?

Thank you for your reply, being in the Marines is all about being a leader and teamwork as well, tow things I particularly don't like. The way I have seen leadership in the Marines is by yelling the loudest, pursuing the most awards, standing out, and I just don't care for those things. The way I probably express leadership is by example, by doing what I am supposed to do but that is not enough.

I do feel I need a change, I feel if I continue on this path I will become a mediocre Marine which is the last thing I want. I was thinking of going to the Army which is less leadership oriented compared to how the Marine Corps stresses leadership and teamwork.

I was actually thinking of just getting out, go to school and pursue a career that I would enjoy like an accountant or programmer. The Marine Corps would pay me about $2000 from the GI Bill plus my school and I would get a job to offset my losses from being active. Again I don't care about benefits, I do care about my family and I have this belief I can still provide for them, I just don't want to continue living as a mediocre Marine or outcast.

I can not ask for any transfer within the Marine Corps involving less leadership, that is like saying I suck at my job, I resign, so I either have to put up with it, will probably snap one of these days or get out and hope for the best.

what a mind what a mind

I know what you're going through. I was active duty army for 5 years (before I knew about Asperger's), and while I considered myself a good soldier, I was, at best, a mediocre leader. I got more comfortable as time went on, but I was never what you'd call good. I got out partially because the thought of being a leader in a combat situation terrified me.

Part of my problem was that even when I gave orders, I somehow always thought they'd never be obeyed, like the soldier would just shrug his shoulders and walk away like I didn't say anything. Unfortunately, that impression was gained because several soldiers did exactly that. Add a constant feeling that every decision I make is always going to be wrong, and you got yourself a pretty useless sergeant. Had I stayed in, I'd like to think I would have become more comfortable with my job, my leadership, and myself. Or, I might not have. I'll never know, I suppose.

It seems a shame to get out when you're so close to your 20, but you can't go on punishing yourself every day. Maybe you just need a break, a civilian job to get a better perspective. So long as a Marine, you forget what real people are like. You leave honorably, you can always go back.

If it is time for you to re-up, you might consider transferring to the Navy. That way, you way very well get reduced in rate, but at least you will still keep your military retirement benefits. Sailors for the most part have a lot of respect for Marines. I know I did. Being reduced in rate will take some of the leadership stuff off your head as well.

Not being a leader does not make you a mediocre Marine. Being a pu*** make you a mediocre Marine. Since you have survived 15 years, I know you "ain't" no pu***. Not everybody is good at everything. Look at Army Spc. Jameson Lindskog, 23 who was killed in action. He was a soldier who had problems in the military, and yet when it came time to perform, he did. Semper FI!! !

I'm in the Air Force and recently diagnosed with AS. Best thing I ever did. The diagnosis is not incompatible with military service and unless you have a negative track record you shouldn't have to worry about it impacting your career at all.

With that said, leadership isn't for everyone. However the military is a good place for us. Frequently we can adopt a more directive style and its ok. On the outside directive leadership is frowned upon.

Just because you aren't as hoo-rah as the next Marine doesn't mean you are a bad Marine or even mediocre. Its likely your leadership is pushing you because the see that you are probably more intelligent than the average Marine.

Just my $.02, stick with the last 5 years. Try to get into a position that suits your leadership style/capabilities. Or cross train inot a job that interests you. Its the best thing you can do for your family. When you do get out, retirement pay and having your medical needs taken care of will give you the best opportunity to retrain in to the right job for you.

Thanks for the reply, you know it's interesting that whenever we are super busy and I am working on something telling my Sergeants what to do and time seems to fly by and everyone is busy taking care of their work then I am fine I can go with the flow answering questions about my work and what needs to be done but when everyone is chilling and just hanging out that is when I have the most trouble because I just can't socialize, there may be three individuals just talking about random things and I just don't care to join in I just don't care unless it is something i like, and so most of the time I am quiet in those situations and unfortunately Marines are also judged as to how we interact with one another and I just feel that I'm an outcast because I just don't care in what other people are talking about.

I know I can handle my job, my Marines but these situations where I'm the outsider all the time it just keeps building up the pressure, the feeling of not caring but at the same time wanting to fit in and just can't, just a struggle

If you don't mind me asking, how did you go about getting diagnosed in the air force, did you talk to anyone? Did you do it by yourself?

Thank you for your reply

Easy, I walked into the mental health clinic and told them I thought I had Aspergers Syndrom.

I got lucky, they have a doc here that is really interested in AS and related conditions. At first I went to my regular doc and asked to get a referral to a neuro-psychologist. The regular doc asked his staff mental health doc and then told me it wasn't in my best interest to be diagnosed. He said I should just seek out counselling for an issues I was having. I eventually tracked down the neuro-psychologist and he told me the same thing.

Being diagnosed could go 2 ways, the neuro-psych would have given me 2 days worth of personality tests. The regular psychologist asked me 15 questions out of a book (DSM). She understood that I needed to know for me, not necessarily for treatment. I just wanted confirmation that I'm not just a jerk and that's why social situations aren't my thing.

They may be reluctant to give you a yes or no, but keep pushing. Remember, mental health related stuff is confidential (even from your commander) unless you tell them you feel like hurting yourself, others or have or plan to commit a crime.

PM me if you want to talk, I'll give you my number.

Just curious, which third-world country did you grow up in?

Huh, that's an odd question. Can you help me understand what makes you ask that?

To WrongPlanet!! !

Sorry. Question was directed towards the thread starter, who mentioned that he grew up in a third-world country. I was asking because I also grew up in one.

Sorry, I didn't catch that the first time. I was rather confused.

It was El Salvador

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink