hi not sure about my 11yr old son' s meltdown

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hi all,

I spent the last 2 days reading everything I could find about Asperger syndrom.

There are so many different symptoms and on some site I do not recognize anything at all but on other I did find some that match my son's behaviour.
I never noticed anything until about two years ago which is exactly when his father and I got divorced.

After that he had a couple of meltdowns which lasted more than half an hour with anger and crying in his bed. He threw his mattress on the floor.
Nothing I could say or do to comfort him. It happened after a tennis match he lost. He is a rather good tennis player but gets obsessed with it (takes it very serious) and also loves to watch tennis on youtube. He does rather well in school. I always considered him as rather shy and occasionally stubborn. He does have a friend, but does not play with many. He can get annoyed with some other kids.
I noticed also lately he starts speeking faster than usual. I also feel he does not really look happy but not unhappy either.
He does not like coming too late and his sister says he is weird sometimes. If he fights with his sister it is hard to get him to apologize so I tend to let it go. I usually have to ask him to take a shower or brush his teeth or help out several times so I never really worried about it as I hear more parents have to go through this.
Lately he does not want to join me anylonger when we visit friends. He prefers to be at home.

What really scares me are his meltdowns and how to deal with them. I thought it was the result of our divorce and started reading more about anger outbursts and then I found Asperger.
There has been 2 incidents in school when he had a fight with another child so far and he got very upset so the teacher called me. So I have the impression there is something more that I can not put my finger on.
I spoke with his father and he strongly believes there is no reason to worry and I exaggerate.

I have no idea about frequencies of meltdowns, and wonder if I should speak to a psychologist?
All advice welcome...Thank you

Has he already been diagnosed with Aspergers, or are you thinking that his meltdowns might indicate Aspergers? Having a tantrum at the age of 11 is not necessarily an autistic meltdown. I am not saying it is not, but for me personally, I have had meltdowns since I was a baby. They did not come from losing things or not getting my own way, but rather they came from change in routine, transitions, and sensory overload.

Are the potential symptoms you've noticed (lack of friends, homebody, etc) newer symptoms or ones that have been there his entire life. I ask because Aspergers does not develop later on, but rather is always there. That being said, Aspergers is often identified later than classic autism, so I am not saying that he definitely doesn't have it. I am saying that his symptoms MAY (or may NOT) point to Aspergers, and if you are concerned you should have him evaluated by a psychologist. If he does not have it, maybe you can identity something else that is the issue (or maybe he is just a regular, hormonal 11 year old boy who happens to not have a ton of friends). And if he DOES have Aspergers, the sooner you find out the better.

Thank you so much for your response. This is all very new to me and kind of overwhelming right now.
No he has not been diagnosed yet, it is just my feeling as his mother.

I will definitely make an appt, for evaluation.

My son has been stubborn before (which kid has not?) all his life but never had tantrums. He always joined me everywhere. He was never the most social kid in the group but quiet and playing along.

His meltdown seems to be irrational as it is still not a normal reaction even if you lose a match. I read on different Asperger sites that very often it is not diagnosed during the early years. He does not get angry often, but if he does he gets really extremely angry as if his eyes would kill me. When he got angry with another boy in school, the teacher was worries too. He also got very sad at the tennisclub and locked himself up once.
This anger is only from the last two years so it might be related to the divorce and he can not cope with the change or the emotions.
As a single mother this is heartbreaking and therefor I need to double check here my suspicions.

What I would like to know is how frequent do Aspies burst out in anger during their preteens? Is it very different for all? What causes their parents to have them assessed? Is it problems in school?

I am in a difficult period in my life right now and really do not know if I am thinking correctly here...
Please help!

Hi,
My dd has just been diagnosed, and I would say she has some things in common with your child. I think that if your intuition is telling you there is a chance your child has Aspergers, it is worth checking out. We always sensed something was up with our dd, but didn't feel we needed the label until last year. At that point the school suggested we have her assessed for LD because she was struggling in school. By the end of the year, she was also acting out and the behaviour was more worrisome. I am so happy that I have a better idea how to help her. It isn't so much the label that's helped (that will help at school) but instead the fact that we were asked a lot of questions about her interactions, and became aware of things. Pre-teens deal with *so* much in middle school; the bullying seems to change and become more subtle and pervasive, so maybe this is why the acting out / meltdowns get more severe. Anyway, I am finding that by talking calmly, simply and logically we are doing much better. That's easier when I realized the meltdowns were related to frustration and anxiety.
HTH,
J.

I would suggest taking him to a psychologist or counsellor and sharing your concerns, something is obviously bothering him whether it is AS or not. Yes, he may have AS, but he may also just need to talk to someone.

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To WrongPlanet!! !

Hello and welcome. I just joined too. As a parent I'm sure you know this, but doctors can be wrong and, regardless of the outcome of any appointments, don't let labels define anything for anyone. Everyone is very different, even those with the same "diagnosis". It sounds like you already have a good start on informing yourself. I wish you both the best of luck