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Not really sure how to introduce myself online, so...here's a bunch of facts about me and my life!

I've suspected for the past few years that I have some form of Asperger's. I do not pick up on a LOT of nonverbal communication, which was only made clear to me when I studied social psychology - the professor (and the textbook) would make broad, sweeping generalizations about how "everyone" acts a certain way when in a group or interaction with another person - I was baffled. I didn't do most of that stuff. I don't "mirror" people, I've lived most of my life being generally confused about what people expect of me in social situations, and I have no idea how to tell if someone likes me or dislikes me. I've read about social anxiety and shyness, and none of that seems to fit. Most of it's not an anxiety issue at all; it's more like confusion/frustration. I don't care what other people think about me and I'm not morbidly afraid of public embarrassment; it's just very difficult for me to tell if what I'm doing is "right". I'm not even that introverted. I can't read people unless I know them very, very well and then it's only because I've analyzed their behavior to death.

Example - in college one of my professors was reading points out loud from an essay I wrote because she liked it. She then turned to me after reading one of the points and gave me this LOOK - at the time I remember it really confused me - and I just nodded like "yeah, that's what I said". It didn't hit me until later that she was expecting me to elaborate on the point she was trying to make - and that's only because my boyfriend pointed it out to me. Stuff like this happens all the time.

I'm terrible at comforting people, especially if I'm expected to touch/hug them. I find it somewhat embarrassing to tell people how I feel about them.

I have had really, really intense interests since I was a toddler. It started with snakes. I spent a good part of the first day of preschool trying to convince my teacher/classmates that I was a snake when I was supposed to introduce myself to the class. They didn't believe me, I realized for the first time that not everyone else in the world cared about what I cared about, and alas, my dream was shattered. Repeat about 50x and that brings me to today. Thankfully I have found some good friends who will listen to me spew endless info about whatever I'm interested in without complaining.

I can be very, very, very blunt. I've toned this down over the years because I've realized that a lot of people really don't want to know what you're REALLY thinking. Some people think that it's some sort of philosophy I have toward life, but no, I just don't know how to sugar-coat things. I don't pick up on subtext; therefore I don't talk in subtext.

I sort of/partially/almost meet the diagnoses of both ADD and OCD. I alternate between hyperfocus and very erratic attention and I tend to fixate on certain things, though not so much now that I'm older. I also have mood swings; a lot of times I have no idea what my mood will be when I wake up the next day. I shut down when emotionally overwhelmed or when I'm dealing with too much sensory information; I have panic attacks when I undergo major life changes, despite whether I'm looking forward to the change or not. I crave spontanity and I get bored if I spend too much time alone, but at the same time I've got to fit it into my schedule. I hate not making plans.

The paradox of all this is that because I'm a girl and I'm not loud and/or obnoxious, people end up thinking I'm pretty/sweet/shy/etc., and no one knows who I actually am, but it's not for lack of trying. (Except for about 3 people on the whole planet). If I approach a group of people, I ALWAYS watch for a minute first so I get a sense of what's going on before I join in. I don't know why I do this, but I always have, and didn't know it until someone pointed it out to me. Therefore I get stuck with the 'shy' label before I even get the opportunity to speak. At the same time, I loathe the idea of acting differently or changing myself just to fit into others' notions of what everyone should act/respond like. I'm very confused about how to connect with people and not have to 'act' to do so.

Because a lot of that sounded like negativistic spew - on the upside...despite the fact that I "think too much", as a friend told me, I'm usually pretty happy with my life. I'm extremely honest, I think my parents raised me to have good character, and I try to value other people for who they are. Also, I've got a lot going on in my life that I'm excited about at the moment, which is a nice plus.

Wow, that was longer than I wanted it to be, but there you go. All that combined with the fact that my dad and his mother are/were exactly the same way (and in some ways, worse) make me think that I have Asperger's. If you disagree, feel free to enlighten me.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Sounds like you'll fit in here, hope you enjoy your stay

Welcome.

Thanks.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I dunno too much about this yet... Not really here yet so it'd be strange to say welcome, but hi, I guess.

Only thing I can comment on:

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

Yes, welcome. I am finding this a place where I have much in common. Your comment about bluntness made me realize
I would do that too, but grew up with a lot of anger and will keep my mouth shut to avoid being the recipient.

I did have this problem though


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Being Right

Welcome to WP!