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I had pretty horrific experience years ago when I broached the question of whether I might have it with a male psychiatrist.

I'm a 37 yr old female and it took a long time for me to realize the parallel characteristics and experiences. I have to remind myself that the diagnosis didn't exist when I was in grade school so it's completely plausible that it was overlooked....
Then I realize my psychiatrist is a jerk. He's known me for 7 years, and he could have helped me simply by listening to me.

I think at this point I never want to see another male provider again--this is one area where there is still a lot of embedded sexism in assumptions. I am floored by the damage done by researchers saying over and over it's a boy's problem. I interact with a lot of doctors as colleagues and it's disturbing how clueless they are about autism in general, let alone for adults. Even in asking academic questions about autism to psychiatrists on the faculty, they always say "Oh, you should ask a child psychiatrist".

I hope I'm making sense and not sounding pompous. I really like people and it's hard always being on the perimeter and outskirts of every social environment I encounter. I've learned that people think I'm great, as long as I keep my distance and constantly monitor every aspect of myself, which is exhausting. I like who I am now, especially since I've learned of Asperger's. I thought my progress was going to mean that there was going to be some relief in the form of slightly better social experiences. Again, fingers still crossed, but more and more, I keep taping the microphone of my social life, "Hello? Is this thing on? Can anyone understand what I'm saying". Is it really my distorted perception that causes all the problems?

Thanks for sharing and I hope my long posts don't scare anyone off. I'll get better about shortening my posts but I don't have an outlet for this so the valve is wide open. I'll get it under control. Promise. But I sincerely appreciate the conversation.

Hi, AutisticsRUS333. It's nice to meet you too!

Quote:

You hit the nail on the head. I was so embarrassed and mortified when, after opening up to my psychiatrist about the diagnosis, he laughed at me and said he wasn't a child psychiatrist and that it's a ridiculous notion to consider such a diagnosis at my age (implying it's only a child condition). He said it in a way that was so hurtful and damaging, I was surprised someone of his profession and experience would risk such a cavalier reaction to a patient.

I hadn't done anything wrong and I take full responsibility for myself, which means I don't feel like a deserve help and I end up isolating myself even more. I try to remember that even drs can misunderstand their patients but this seemed quite reckless of him. I've stayed positive but it's weighing on me, as I wonder why no one will talk to me about this. For women (and I'm sure some men feel this way as well), they seem to label them as bipolar, personality disorder, or even mildly schizophrenic, even when there's no behavior to back up that diagnosis.

I'm terrified of seeing my psychiatrist again (I only see him once every 4 months now because I don't have insurance), because I'm afraid of dealing with the concept that he's making a terrible mistake by dismissing me. It's difficult for me to accept the fact that I can't trust a professional psychiatrist and I need to be able to trust someone. I end up assuming it's my fault and I did something wrong to warrant his response. But then again, I'm a 37 year old woman and I'm extremely pro-active and take full responsibility for my behavior and actions. However, I keep asking for help and I feel that therapy geared towards aspergers syndrome would benefit me greatly. I don't understand why I'm being treated as if I'm asking for special treatment.

One of the hardest misconceptions about me is the behavior issue. Most of the time, the behavior people are witnessing in me, is actually a physical experience for me and often not based on an emotional response. Does that make sense? For example, I'm ticklish and not in a good way. If someone tickles me, I become paralyzed, unable to talk. I experience pain even though I appear to be enjoying it because I'm laughing. My knees often buckle and my chin pulls to my shoulder or towards my chest (the occasional drooling doesn't help with the embarrassment of it all). If someone even threatens to tickle me, I can start to experience these things without contact. I have ruined relationships and have been labeled as being almost violent because I have punched people (in the arm or leg, nothing serious) as a knee jerk reaction to stop the pain. This has been labeled as a behavioral issue which infuriates me. It's wrong for any logical adult to not understand that tickling can be extremely unpleasant for some people, bordering on torture (it's like experiencing sleep paralysis). It gives people a reason to bully me which is ridiculous at my age.

I'm sorry to go off on my tangent and hijack the conversation but I'm boiling up inside over this. I feel like an alien, like I speak a completely different language. I need to know others like me not because I need a label. In some ways, I don't accept this as a disorder. There seems to be elements of a particular culture, way of life, thinking, etc. with aspergers. I do not dismiss the debilitating nature of asperger's, nor the varying degrees and co-morbid conditions.

I hope I'm making sense and not sounding pompous. I really like people and it's hard always being on the perimeter and outskirts of every social environment I encounter. I've learned that people think I'm great, as long as I keep my distance and constantly monitor every aspect of myself, which is exhausting. I like who I am now, especially since I've learned of Asperger's. I thought my progress was going to mean that there was going to be some relief in the form of slightly better social experiences. Again, fingers still crossed, but more and more, I keep taping the microphone of my social life, "Hello? Is this thing on? Can anyone understand what I'm saying". Is it really my distorted perception that causes all the problems?

Thanks for sharing and I hope my long posts don't scare anyone off. I'll get better about shortening my posts but I don't have an outlet for this so the valve is wide open. I'll get it under control. Promise. But I sincerely appreciate the conversation.

".

You hit the nail on the head. I was so embarrassed and mortified when, after opening up to my psychiatrist about the diagnosis, he laughed at me and said he wasn't a child psychiatrist and that it's a ridiculous notion to consider such a diagnosis at my age (implying it's only a child condition). He said it in a way that was so hurtful and damaging, I was surprised someone of his profession and experience would risk such a cavalier reaction to a patient.

I have also encountered the you don't seem like your autistic from docs. They profile on severity gender & age. My daughter was dx'd at 18 months which is when I discovered I was autistic. tried mentioning it once 2 docs but was ignored. My daughter is severe. I on the other hand am supposed 2 b smart so there's nothing wrong with me except that I'm trying 2 get attention all my life. I really didn't know stuff (that socalled was common sense) In short I felt stupid lazy & that I had 2 know this stuff so I must b trying 2 get attention. I have coordination issues but instead of someone looking at the obvious they labeled me again as attention seeking & wld get in trouble with my handwriting & some dyslexic writing. Its very frustrating. It put me in the hospital at the beginning of the year with 3od's. Dx'd with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in 10 minutes (really) then the 2nd od they took all my previous dx's including ADHD & Learning Disabilities which I'd been dx'd 10yrs now. I cldn't provide them with the report until I went in2 therapy 6wks ago. Finally they had something. Wednesday they told me they were investigating the idea I'm autistic (carefully) & Thursday was told that they must officially discharge me from day hospital & wld c the psych & therapist Aug 26 with the dx & support systems. So I was misdx'd by the 1st hospital had a pretty confusing life growing up. I'm doing better with the therapy & meds & am just living in the moment but I have had a tough time with the dx & am angry cuz everywhere u hear its a male dx & a childhood dx. My purpose in life now is 2 make others aware of High Functioning Autism especially in females & adults. They figure u've gone this long without a dx whats the point? Point 4 me is 2 get the proper supports 2 b able 2 keep a job & boost my sef esteem. I don't want another child or adult going through what I did. Awareness is a must. I'm proud 2 b who I am & accept myself & I want others 2 feel the same way I'm hoping 2 touch lives of those b4 they get so deep they end up dead or almost dead. No one shld ever feel the need 2 take their life 2 end their misery. Ok this was a bit tough 4 me 2 write. Anyway I'm going 2 ask how I can get involved with the autistic community & tell my story 2 spread awareness. There's not much here where I am.

FIRE YOUR DOCTOR!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Seriously! You have that right and don't have to take that sh** from anyone, even if they do have an MD!!
Autism Women's Network has resources for adult women to get diagnosis.