What country do you live in? USA
What's your favorite thing to do? Be at home alone with my dogs and creating something
What's your favorite movie? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
What's your favorite season? I prefer to live in warm, tropical climates and my favorite season is...wow. That's hard because that depends on the conditions and since the climate and seasons aren't as consistent.....I love it when the temperature is about 75-85F with little fluctuation. A nice breeze and considerable amount of sunlight. If the weather is going to be bad, I prefer thunderstorms, unless it leads to a migraine...
If you don't have a career yet, what career do you want? I've had lots of jobs, but nothing I consider a career. The concept of a career is difficult for me. I've always worked and I support myself but I don't see myself committing to anything long term. I get uncomfortable and then the "job" no longer wants me.
If you do have a career, what is it? Is there anything else you want to tell me about yourself? Is there anything else you want to know about me? There is something consistent about the jobs I've had- it always involves research, attention to detail and technical understanding.
I'm in a new place right now, in my head. Most of my life, I dealt with deep depression which was linked to my REM sleep condition which is linked to me being "wired" differently. I have had chronic sleep paralysis and lucid nightmares since I was a toddler. I was sleep deprived my entire life (I'm now in my late 30's). I could go on and on but it's one of my interests and I forget that I get too detailed. It will be amazing if I actually post since I always delete things before finishing because I feel the need to give a detailed and accurate answer and then my brain gets disorganized and I can't finish... like now.
This is what I can say about me- I'm grateful for the relief I have now but I'm still struggling and no one really knows that about me. In fact, no one really knows me. I keep a safe distance from everyone and I give the facade of having a lot of close friends, but it's not true.
My brain never turns off and, for the most part (and since my life doesn't revolve around chronic depression and anxiety), I enjoy my obsessions and need to constantly contemplate everything. But it wears people out and if I get stuck on conflicting information, it seems to cause problems.
The more comfortable and happy I become with myself, the more alienated I am from others. The harder I try to navigate the social thing, the bigger the mess I make.
I don't "look" like I'm an aspie, but I am. No one realizes how isolated I am and how much I need to find others to connect with but it's a painful reality for me. Still, I'm very appreciative of life and I remain optimistic and idealistic...to a fault.....
I've left something important out and now I won't be able to sleep because I'll be wondering if I should have included more, along with a dozen other obsessive thoughts. I normally love my obsessive personality and it makes me very good at certain jobs and tasks and it makes my life enjoyable. But I can't turn it off.
It can be very visual as well. When I close my eyes at night, I see exact images from my day. It's like an embossed negative and I see it from an aerial vantage point, and the image rotates. Often, it is in motion. But it's a photographic or filmographic memory from my day. I can't explain this to anyone, not even a doctor, without them thinking I'm psychotic. Seriously, a general practitioner was so bothered by this that he recommended I go immediately to a psychiatrist and get help for these "visions". I understand what's happening but for some reason, no one will talk to me about it.
Anyway, I'm going to stop now. So, nice to meet you and thanks for posting!
16 Aug 2011, 8:28 pm
That's not my real name, but I go by Saki so much it might as well be. I'm 18 and living in the USA, and have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Aspergers. My special interest is cartoons and anime (I'm currently obsessing over Yu-Gi-Oh and Invader Zim). I want to be an author when I grow up, I compose music on the piano, and in college I'll be majoring in Humanities and minoring in German.
What country do you live in? What's your favorite thing to do? What's your favorite movie? What's your favorite season? If you don't have a career yet, what career do you want? If you do have a career, what is it? Is there anything else you want to tell me about yourself? Is there anything else you want to know about me?
