New to Wrong Planet, self-diagnosed now in the process of professional diagnosis. I'm going to withhold natural verbose and give a breakdown
of my symptoms, as they seem to be a unique blend of aspergers and add(?).
1. Symptoms
- Chronic Fatigue (Most detrimental)
- Rigid routines, difficulty establishing new routines, general difficulty doing things I want to do.
- Social difficulties (In which you are all familiar. The first scene of Social Network is my go-to way of showing people what this is like. Spot on.)
- Dysmorphic disorder ( I happen to be pretty attractive, or so I've been told. Before a year ago, I thought I was hideous. Turned out I was wrong?
Random occasions I had not granted; comments from friends, [Friend: dude, that chick clearly wanted you, green flag, go go go!.
Me: huh? Which girl?? Friend: O_o wtf man] from girls who chill with us, from family, from my therapist,
my psychiatrist, etc. Therapist asked me if I had any relations with girls, upon saying no, he said that was strange because I was a
good looking guy, and that surely girls had attempted to get my attention. (Turns out, they were, I had failed to see it many times).
- Marathon thinker (Never stop thinking. Never. Internal monologues, similar to Plato's writings, I use people as figures to conduct socratic conversations
and answer deep questions. When the juices really start flowing I start vocalizing my thoughts, I guess as a way of ingraining them in
memory further, idk, but these moments are extremely insightful and I'm grateful to have them.)
- All the typical heightened sensitivities. Marked for 20/10 vision at several hospitals, sharp hearing
- Deep, deep burden against social injustices. (Most people wake up and go through life, unable to see clearly their own local environment. I wake up, with
and am aware of indescribably unjust death that occurs everyday. (The fact that a young african child today just gasped his last
breathe of life, resting in dust, looking up at his mother being dragged away, his brother being mutilated by limbs, fading from
consciousness with images of pure sadness being last. Yeah, this, on the scale of thousands of unjust deaths a day, I'm aware
of, I don't sit in ignorance of the normalcy bias, turn on television or a video game and shut off bare reality.))
- Completely flawed sense of time/ defunct organizational skills.
- New interests develop weekly, I have the insatiable curiosity of da Vinci. In fact, (sadly,) I feel far too much in common, I'm afraid all my writings, scientific
papers, formulas, are so wide spread in topic, and created in such inconsistent but powerful manic bursts, and that I'm going to
die with the same last words he spoke.
That's all for now, I overwrote by a long shot, sorry!
25 Sep 2011, 4:44 pm
