Hoping to belong here

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Hi, everyone

I've been on this page for a lot of times by now, but I never quite knew whether I should register or not. I have discovered the Asperger Syndrome by pure chance and somewhere in the middle of the internet. I skimmed through it, just because it piqued my interest. But while I kept reading, I realized that I felt addressed. This really surprised me, because I'm fairly spontaneous; usually have no problem with looking in other people's eyes (if it's not for too long) and am overall very fond of change- like redecorating my room, for example. Also, I do not only understand sarcasm, I frequently use it myself (with delight). So was I just imagining things?
Still, I could not shake off the feeling that there was more to it. The Aspies on the internet wrote that they saw patterns in everything, sometimes did not know where to put their arms, how to react to certain situations, what to say or to do when a particular emotion is required and they are therefore seen as impolite or insensitive (both of which I have been called often enough). On top of that, they all seemed to have one or two favourite things they were really obsessed with and frequently got lost in.
I told myself, however, that I had never really been obsessed with something. I had always liked certain things throughout my life (like crime stories: Sherlock Holmes, Miss Marple, actually logic itself), but I remained critical: Had I really been OBSESSED with it? Well, ironically enough, I became obsessed with Asperger's. Whenever I had the time, I read through articles or discussions on the internet (mainly on this page) and for some reason I felt as if you would understand me better than other people. On the one hand, I just really wanted to know: Yes, I'm an Aspie, it's alright to feel so at home here; but on the other hand I felt as if I wanted to make something more special out of myself than I was and that disgusted me.
As my suspicion grew, I took a few tests on the internet and was told the following: test number 1 told me "you are something in between", test number 2 told me "you are probably an Aspie" and test number 3 told me "you are very likely to be an Aspie". I was accordingly confused. Had I seen through the answering pattern and improved my answers? I told myself, however, that the last test was very different from its predecessors and had felt most accurate to me. Of course, I only trust internet-tests as far as I can throw them (therefore, not at all) and if the tests convinced me of one thing, it was that the creator of either the first or the second test had copied from the other.
While I lived on, I observed myself coming back to this page over and over again (especially when something had happened that made me feel unemotional and cold) and was sooner or later convinced that, regardless of myself being an Aspie or not, I think that I can somehow connect to you.
I am now very proud to be a member of a group that not only strikes me as diverse and fascinating, but also seems to be accepting and unprejudiced

Yours,
Sciolet

P.S.: Your thoughts?
P.P.S.: Is anybody else here, who is just as fascinated by cleverbot as I am?
P.P.P.S.: If my English seems a bit outlandish to you, I'm sorry. My mother tongue is actually German, but I hope to be as good in English as a native speaker one day

I used to lurk on WP too, so I can identify with you! I think that you don't need to be diagnosed as an Aspie before you join this forum. I'm diagnosed with PDD-NOS by the way. I've never regarded English as my mother tongue, but I would like to say that you express yourself really well in English.

You don't have to be an Aspie to join the forum. I have found WP to be so-so thus far, but I am rather new. I have only recently found this forum after being diagnosed as being an Aspie and though I have found this forum to be so-so, I too am rather blessed to be an Aspie. It is who I am and there is nothing wrong with me. There isn't anything wrong with you either.

By the way, your English written is excellent!

Welcome.

Thanks to both of you for the warm welcome and the nice words

Would you mind telling me a bit more? Like, what exactly is PDD-NOS? I tried to google it and researched on wikipedia, but the only thing I now know is that it is not the same for every person and that the only similarity is obsession with detail.
Or how do you get diagnosed as an Aspie? I reckon one has to go to a doctor or a specialist, but that is as far as my imagination goes. Do they talk to you and also ask questions like on the internet, or do they watch your behaviour, make you draw something, or... I'm afraid my view of diagnosing is pretty clichéd, so I'd really appreciate it if I knew any better.

Welcome Sciolet to Wrong Planet.

I am a mother of two boys, one has been diagnosed with apergers the other is half way through his diagnosis but I'm sure he has it too.

They are completely different, one is loving and intuitive and empathetic, but has been diagnosed with aspergers. The other is much more remote, and not too keen on getting hugs from me, although he is able to look people in the eyes.

There seem to be many different types of people with aspergers so making a diagnosis isn't always easy.

I'm afraid I don't know what those letters stand for either!

Hi, Verinda!

Thank you for the welcome I think I read about your sons in a different forum, though I am not completely sure. Was that your son who always runs off on his bike? Because I wanted to answer you, but I wasn't registered back then. If it was him, I just want to tell you that this was completely normal for me at his age. I don't like bikes, though, so I just walked off somewhere, because I needed some alone time and in the end, it really helped me to nurture a healthy distance towards others. It also started very aprubtly, but I am still doing it.
However, from a mother's POV I can understand how this might be worrying, especially since it seemed like the overall situation with school and friends did not seem quite perfect, either. Here is a list of things I can think of, why he might do it:
- He questions himself and his beliefs, wants to get to know himself better and maybe improve one or two things (through thinking about it).
This is something that you wouldn't want to talk about with your parents, just because it feels awkward and (most of the time) you need to be alone to be yourself. Also, everybody that age does that and I think that those "big questions" might bother an Aspie even more than any other teen.
- He wants to escape the routine and by doing so, makes a routine out of breaking the routine.
I imagine that this sounds very confusing, but when I was around 14 (I am 16 1/2 now) I realized that everything in my life was brought upon me by my parents. My room, my flat, my school was the end result of their decisions. Of course they let me decide where to go to school and how to decorate my room, but that I was HERE in this town, in this country and therefore only had a limited number of possibilities. So I wanted to do something on my own and started to discover the world with my own two eyes and that might be what he is doing right now.
- He's in love.
Yes, I know. Typical teen-answer, but possible nonetheless. Just because the root might be in the details, one shouldn't overlook the obvious.
- And it could be all of that or none of that or simply that he is under growing-up-stress, which is constant and has to be escaped from time to time.
I hope I could help you even just a little bit and wish you all the best for you and your sons

I suspect that the doctor himself isn't 100% sure what PDD-NOS emcompasses. He told me as politely as possible that I've fallen slightly outside the spectrum of what society defines as normal. To paraphrase him crudely with no offence intended, when I'm among neurotypicals, my traits mark me out as an Aspie, but when I'm among Aspies, I might show traits that seem more neurotypical than Aspie. Some people nickname PDD-NOS "atypical autism".

I went for a brain scan, then a psychologist gave me some tests. The doctor said that the brain scan didn't reveal anything alarming, so I only bought the psychologist's report. I cried when I read that I flunked two sections. One involved memorization of pictures, the other one involved the recognition of faces. (The "recognition of faces" test can be found online.) I have a conspiracy theory that both the doctor and psychologist found me disturbing when I cried while recalling some unpleasant incidents. The psychologist pointed out that I failed to maintain eye contact with her. My monotonous voice and my gait sent off "bored and tired" vibes despite feeling excited about the tests. The psychologist later told me really tactfully that I was her only patient who forgot how to draw a picture that I had seen and copied 20 mins ago.

Hi Sciolet,

Yes, I am the mother with the son who loves to cycle long distances on his own.

Thank you for that very insightful post, I really appreciate your thoughts. It's so hard for me, as a worried mother to see things from a young persons point of view. I think you are right on so many aspects, apart from him being in love as he's only 12 and not yet very impressed with girls! Thankfully my 14year old isn't the type to go cycling on his own.

Today the 12year old has made a tent in his bedroom, he's got strings tied to the shelves to keep the tent up and nailed it to the floor all round! The tent is made with a large piece of material covered in stars and he has a light in the tent so the stars shine. He loves to just sit in his tent and think about things. I suppose it's the same with the cycling, he just needs to think things through. It wouldnt be so worrying if the roads were not so dangerous with many speeding cars.

By the way, I think your English is very impressive and I think that you are kind and thoughtful, so thank you again.

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

Mick

@icyfire4w5: This really does sound like it must have put a lot of emotional strain on you. I'm sorry, if my asking the question made you recall some unpleasant memories and I am honoured that you replied anyway. You always point out that they told you "as politely as possible", but even though I think this must have helped, I am very sure that it didn't really help (if that made any sense to you). Thanks again for answering

@Verinda: I'm very happy I could be of help!
This tent-idea sure sounds like fun... to be honest, I might be a tiny bit jealous of your son right now. It sounds so awesome that I'd really like to have one for myself! Actually, thinking back...I often tried making one of those, but I could never really pull it through, so kudos to your son's tenaciousness. I hope he enjoys it and it helps him to think things through.

@Mick: Thanks, but was that a try to talk German or a typo? In the first case: Danke sehr, in the second: Thanks, anyway!

Thanks Sciolet,

My son spent last few evenings standing outside in the darkness watching for UFO's. He reckons he saw one tonight, but I'm not so sure!

And yes you really have helped, I have read your post a few times just to remind myself of what my son is going through. My husband read it today too.

I hope things are going well for you, Sciolet.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Your English is excellent. Boy, if I could communicate in French as well as you do English...

I like your name too! Sounds pretty the way I say it.

To you I extend my warmest welcome.

@Verinda: I don't know why, but whenever I read your posts I have to smile. Your son seems like such a loveable boy, I do not wish him any less than a really good life. I am also really honoured that I could help. Of course I won't become smug enough to tell you that it is the absolute truth (and I have the strong suspicion that if I tried, you would not believe me anyway), but if you are ever in need of an opinion from a 16-year-old, you only need to PM me and I will gladly reply

@AnoAno: Thanks a lot!

@BeauZa: Oh my, I am flattered- thank you Malheureusement, mon français est seulement comme ci comme ça... c'est dommage, parce que c'est une langue tellement jolie. Do you study French in school (like I do) or anywhere else?
Concerning my name, I was a bit inspired by my favourite Latin word and a certain flower... you can surely figure out what it is I also like your name, since it seems like you have to whisper the "Za" and that way it sounds like the name of an awesome super-hero; but maybe that is just me being weird.

To WrongPlanet!! !