Hi! I'm me.

Post Reply New Topic

Hi. For the purposes of this post, we'll call me mousey, since that's what most people call me anyways.

I'm brand spanking new to these forums and in fact to the ASD community in general. I'm not sure if I'm unique or not, but I'd definitely say that I feel unique on a number of different levels. I'm currently 25 and have always realized that something was... well, different. I didn't empathize properly with other people... sometimes they'd say something and clearly expect a response from me that they subsequently would fail to receive, and then arbitrarily conclude (without asking me for explanation) that I was simply being difficult. I've always had trouble 'connecting' to people in a 'meaningful fashion' and would much rather sit down with the predictability and stability (figuratively speaking, since my current machine is Windows based) of my computer or my chip kits. My parents have always been extraordinarily supportive and helpful to me, but there was always a little portion of my personality that they couldn't connect with, no matter how hard they tried... their understanding was either too narrow or too broad to comprehend just what was going on inside my head.

Recently an acquaintance of mine mentioned to me that he felt that I was a little... off. He admitted that from the time he met me, he had suspected quite strongly that I was a high-functioning autistic. He cited my love of machines, and my difficulty communicating. He also cited my inability to look directly at people and the fact that I generally tend to recoil in what he sees as 'near horror' when someone hugs me, or cringe when someone puts a casual hand on my shoulder. I had a little bit of a chuckle about it, being passingly familiar with classic autism and AS, but also acutely aware of the fact that the local medical professionals largely seem to feel that AS and HFA are both 'excuse ailments' that are simply hurled about by crazy liberal doctors who are looking for an excuse to cost the government more disability money. If you're not sitting in a corner rocking back and forth, to the best of my ability to understand, the local medical community at large will simply view you as lazy, obstinant, depressed, or over-anxious and prescribe you some hard candy and a magazine.

As of this moment, I have never, not even once seen a psychiatrist, neurologist or other medical professional to have them 'examine' me, largely due to the stigma I've had for my entire life. I've always been the 'difficult' one, so the last thing I wanted to do was have someone with a license make the status official and give me a nifty little certificate informing me that I'm somehow... malfunctioning. Admittedly, with the information and understanding I have, I know that such a situation would never arise and indeed, if it were to do so it would likely be no fault of my own; rather, it would be a deficit in the system itself and nothing to take personally... however, the support system I once had is no longer and I've long since moved away from the people I was forced to have constant interaction with on a daily basis. I hardly see my parents any more, so asking them for help is largely out of the question and obviously my teachers and professors are long since gone as well. It's a curious and uncomfortable situation, not at all unlike finding oneself 100 feet below a plane, and 10,000 feet above the ground and realizing that the parachute is still hanging on the rack in the plane.

I wouldn't classify myself as 'depressed' or 'anxiety ridden' to any degree... I'm confused, certainly. A little lost, definitely... but not depressed. This seems as good a place as any to put this post. The potential revelation I've experienced over the past couple of days has led me here in hopes that maybe other people have had similar experience that might provide me with more insight into my uniqueness.

~ Mousey

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hello and welcome Anonemouse.

I myself know how it feels to lose your support network.
Anyway hopefully this place will prove useful to you!

To WrongPlanet!! !