Hello everyone,
I'm new to this so forgive me if I get some of the terms wrong, and sorry for the length - I mostly wrote it for myself.
I was a perfectionist (and still am) at primary school and now looking back on it, almost had a panic attack if my homework wasn't done. For a year or two I spent one day a week at "The School for Gifted Children". Strangely, I was also quite popular. As I got older people grew up emotionally and socially and I didn't. I was massively teased in intermediate school (10-13 years) for basically being a quiet loner geek. In high school I was in the top academic class and had a few close friends, but we drifted apart once they too grew up to go to parties etc. I spent most of my final two years of school by myself or dealing with my worsening family situation. My Mum used to say I should go see my friends after school, where I replied "I've spent the entire day with people. I'm sick of people." I went on to university where I thought I would meet like-minded people but I ended up never socialising or going to many of my classes so I never had any friends there. I currently have one really good friend and a couple others I get along with OK, so I'm happy with that.
I met my old friend agoraphobia when I was about 15 (now 22) and was officially diagnosed. My agoraphobia is generally manageable but it can make group social situations and public speaking a nightmare - I usually have a panic attack and go on with my life. It did however become very bad this month when I had a genuine severe agoraphobic problem which resulted in me sleeping 7am-3pm and having the same single meal of Wendy's each day for three weeks. Eventually it got to the point where I thought that maybe I have a problem. I did manage to go back to uni today for a bit so hopefully I can finish this year and graduate.
Anyway, getting to the point, I saw a kid with asperger's on the TV show Parenthood a few months ago. I did some research and discovered that you can have high functioning autism, which was not the typically stereotype I had heard all my life. Well, all the traits seemed to described me quite accurately, so I did the Cambridge AQ test and scored over 40. It gave me some inner peace knowing that maybe there was a reason for why I have always been like this, but I didn't really pursue it until now, after these recent events.
I did all the tests today in the "Set of scientific tests related to Autism Spectrum Disorders" topic and scored highly on all of them. I'm happy with a self-diagnosis because it gives some explanation for the way I am which is comforting - from a work point of view, my official agoraphobic diagnosis is enough to explain things, and it is the social anxiety that is the most intrusive thing. I think my asperger's has gone unnoticed because of the anxiety and my intelligence, and for the fact I think my parents themselves would have trouble identifying it - I am certain my Dad has (undiagnosed) asperger's and the anxiety definitely stems from my Mum.
I am extremely fortunate to have a loving girlfriend of five years because without her I probably would have become a recluse years ago. I have come here partly for her sake so she doesn't have to spend so much energy dealing with me. Mostly though, I am here because I have always felt alone and have never been able to explain myself to myself. It's good to see so many people are like me and are living happy lives.
I hesitate to say I have asperger's to others because I'm currently self-diagnosed but I am considering going to see a doctor soon.
Thanks
05 Oct 2011, 3:06 am
