Let's hear it for all the square pegs in this round world!

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It gets old, trying to perfect an act that will allow a square peg to fit into a round hole. You see, the square peg can diet, suck it in, wear a corset to bind it tightly so that it can just squeeeze into that round hole. Eventually, eventually, the seams begin to rip, temptation sets in, and oxygen is needed, and that square peg faking roundness pops back into shape and breaks that round hole. It's like Cinderella fighting against reality and time and ultimately still losing her dress, her slippers, her horse drawn carriage, and her dream of being a pretty princess in a castle.

Not that I want to be a pretty princess, mind you. I'm probably more interested in being the prince, though that is an entirely different discussion. One that does not imply that I want a gender swap of any kind, to clarify. I'm getting very off-topic very quickly here. Let me start anew now that the artsy is out of the way briefly.

Hello! I am new here. I'm sure you've read the same thing dozens of times. I want to find people like me, I want to feel right somewhere finally, I want to understand myself and others better, and you can fill in a few more cliches (all true, of course, as cliches tend to be). I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to cease looking for validation from other people and just get validation from myself. However, I'm still here hoping for validation. I'm undiagnosed, but I am sure I have Asperger's. I know it like I know I'm human. But it terrifies me that somehow, someone will take this away from me. A doctor will tell me I'm wrong. A friend will try to convince me that my experiences can be explained by other things: anxiety, depression, an introverted personality, etc. etc. It shouldn't matter what a doctor says (especially given a system where it sometimes literally pays for them to say a problem is non-existent). But it does matter. I hate that it does.

Defensive arrogant writing style aside, I'm lonely and confused. Asperger's has been such a relief to me. But that fear and also the inability to talk to anyone who understands is really weighing on me recently. So I've finally found my way here. I'm here for advice, support, friends. I'm terrible at accepting all of those things. As I write this, I feel the familiar push that I'm independent enough, I don't need this. Being independent gets old, doesn't it? I want another square peg or six in my life, dang it!

I'm just beginning to discover all of the things that I do, feel, experience, know, want, need, love, hate, etc. etc. that are related to Asperger's. So every moment is exciting! And sometimes that excitement turns to worry and anxiety. Anxiety is my constant companion, unfortunately. I'm hoping this connection will give me an outlet, that all of you will take some weight from me, and that I can take some weight from you.

It was love at first sight, this site and I. You understand, don't you?

Welcome to WP!

First and foremost, it's a spectrum disorder, which means the traits also amongst diagnosed AS vary amazingly. IMO, absolutely NOBODY can draw a line whether a person craving human contacts is more or less an aspie than a loner, and the same applies for each and every autistic trait, from sensory issues to repetitive patterns.

As an example, it's easy to determine whether a person is blind or can see, but there is a broad range how good their eyesight is.

About the shrinks, don't overestimate their abilities and knowledge to actually put themselves in your situation. Ask three shrinks and you get five statements. If you don't agree with a diagnosis, you can ask another one. Moreover, there's an eternal debate on whether AS is over- or under- diagnosed, so shrinks may be influenced by public opinion. But first i would ask them if they are experienced in this area. If not, find another one.

Same applies for friends. If they don't take you and your opinion seriously, replace them.

Hey Crayola Sunset,

Great to meet you. Yeah sounds like you have finally found where you belong.
I am only new here too and everything you wrote rings true for me too.
Including the part about boycotting the lame princess act and prefering the role of the prince.
I too am embarking on getting a diagnosis too - i called up today and made a booking
they cant get me in until early next year though.
Aspergers just has to be the right dx otherwise i will be totally lost again.
I got a tip from Tony Attwood on someone who is highly experienced in ASD assessments I think its important to get someone who knows what they are doing - or i could end up with a wrong diagnosis.

I understand totally the feeling of finally dicovering the answer and then looking back over your life and having lots of aha moments - now it all suddenly makes sense ! !!
Great huh, it also has a bit of a flip side down side that i have just navigated through - if id known sooner, if my family had been more supportive and understanding etc.

Anyway I am in Sydney Aust where are you???

Yep, I understand, same here. Glad to read your post and well said on all your points.
- mountain

Welcome!

Hi! I'm new here, too, and it sounds like we are looking for similar things at this forum. I am definitely a square peg myself. I am about to start carving my very own square hole, finally! I wish you well and hope this forum is helpful to you.

Welkome to WP!

Mick

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

A square peg with four mice and the occasional pumpkin, is not that bad, actually. But stick to your friends, whatever they think about you being an aspie!
Belonging somewhere, identifying with others, and knowing that the ones you identify with the most are other Aspies, is cool, alright. It may even be part of being independent I guess. When the box fits, and you think you can learn more about yourself and others from the WP community, that really counts. No matter what your friends or an occasional shrink/psychiatrist says.

I guess that's a really complicated way for a fellow noob to say welcome

Thanks for all the welcomes everyone and sorry I haven't gotten back sooner! I really appreciate all of the replies, understanding, and advice. And so many friendly newbies! Love it. I'm all the way in California, US, so... that's a bit of a distance from Sydney. XD Too bad, though, I'd love to hang out with people in the same place as me right now, metaphorically speaking, not literally. Well, literally too, considering. Anyway, thanks again everyone! I'm excited to be here with all of you. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more!