A supportive Nt woman looking for guidance with an Aspie man

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Greetings All...

I am an NT that is new to dating a wonderful man, who just happens to be an Aspie.

I joined this forum in search of guidance, support and understanding - so that I can continue to be in a comfortable relationship with this wonderful (and exhilarating!) man.

So, I thank you for please having an open heart, mind and understanding to this 'newbie' to the 'Aspie world'?!...,I thank you now and look forward to hearing your knowledgeable advice in the hopes of comfortably securing my current relationship with this new man in my life.

~Catsas

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

If you have any questions about us Aspies, you can look in General Discussion or create a new subject in there.

Don't ask me though, I'm just a 15 year old girl.

Hi Catsas, welcome to Wrong Planet. Are you his 1st girlfriend?

No better place to get guidance on Asperger's than from Aspies themselves.

I'd say leave this forum as it's pretty down and depressing and you'll be like "oh my God, is my Aspie guy like THAT?" and run away as fast as you can after reading this forum for like 30 minutes.

Other than that, I got NVLD, so my advice is a tiny bit different from like, "Aspergers" stuff. Though another therapist yesterday told me I seemed like I was HFA. What I'd say, is, we get overwhelmed kind of easily, basically at multitasking, and changes in plans. We're not flexible. Like for me, if you give me prior notice of something, like a day in advance, I'm OK, but if there's like 20 minutes notice to changes in my entire day's plans, I'll get pissed and be miserable to be around. However, on the flip side, I'm exceptionally good at lots of tasks, so people think I'm smart. Basically, everything is opposite for me, I'm stupid at things normal people are smart at, and smart at things normal people tend to be stupid and helpless at. Just be patient with him, and in detail explain WHY things are the way they are, in the world, in life, etc. You gotta tell him why, or else he's not going to find a reason to change any behaviors or think differently. Unfortunately, this is going to sometimes require arguing. Also, low empathy in general is a problem, on an empathy test I scored like 14/100, whereas most people with HFA/Aspergers score 20, and most normal men score like 30-35. You gotta sciencize empathy, more or less. A lot of times, I'll argue, but have zero emotional attachment to my arguments. With my NVLD, my "verbal" IQ is like 130+, but my nonverbal is like 80, nonverbal encompasses visual spatial stuff like mathematics, to emotions, social cues, etc.

One thing you can try to do, take a Myers Brigg personality type test, and figure out your personality type, and have him take one. Or just read all the types and assign appropriate ones, and see where Aspergers tends to fit in with that personality type.

Wow, you'll need a lot of headstart information! Try asking him a lot, he can be more specific about what bothers him the most. Different aspies tend to have different issues in varying amounts. And like 1000Knives said, try to read more positive threads in this forum.

It's hard to give a general overview of what you need to know when dating an aspie (hard for me anyway, I have trouble with comprehending generalizations and can only deal with specific examples) but many of us will be happy to provide specific advice on a particular issue

I do think it's good that you're here looking to learn, though, instead of just brushing him off as a weirdo like many people would

If you like him for all of the aspie qualities he has than you can probably have a comfortable relationship with him. If you are trying to change him to be more neurotypical than you are destined for failure.

@1000Knives
I don't think it is appropiate to overtly tell a newbie to "leave this forum". I also strongly disagree with your "down and depressing" remark. I am not sure what empathy test you are referring to, also remember that ASD is completely separate from Myers-Briggs personality types.

Oh, yeah welcome!

An additional word of caution too: Be careful about typecasting. Just because many autistics do *blank* doesn't mean your boyfriend is like that too. Autistics are just as diverse as regular people

I agree with most of what everyone said except maybe 1000knives saying find another site, I like this one and most people are upbeat and optimistic, it is just the few that hate the world just like in any group. It would be a good idea to post a thread in another more specific area. I know my advice might come from the other angle of being the female in the relationship but I am diagnosed AS and my husband has all the traits, he just doesn't want to admit there is anything wrong (an since I am just like him I kind of prove him right). The most important thing to remember, in my opinion, is to not take ANYTHING personally, me and my husband go months without saying we love each other or hugging or spending "quality time" together and we are perfectly happy that way, we told each other we love each other and neither of us would have said it if we did not mean it so there is no point to repeating it. Things like that can be hard on other people who don't understand. We show how important we are to each other by being on time and being where we say we are going to be; and once in a while having something to say on the topic of each others special interests, nothing makes me happier then when he talks to me or listens to me talk about quantum physics or evolution of genetics in populations or makes him as happy as when I talk or listen to him about antique guns or engines. So to sum it up find out what his special interest is and try not to take anything personal, and if you need something emotional like hugs or special time with him explain it in terms he can understand, just like how most people will understand right away if you explain something in emotional terms, most aspies I think will understand the need to do something if it is explained in logical terms, it is just a different way of understanding. Good luck! If he is anything like my AS husband you are already very lucky and I wish you two the best

To WrongPlanet!! !