Hello, I am new here, and very new to autism.

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Hello everyone.
I was recommended this site from a friend of mine. I am have a very difficult time with with one of my twin sons. He is displaying so many signs of aspergers. At first, I didn't quite understand his behaviors. He would play with his twin when they were a bit younger. Now they don't play together at all. My sons are now 2 1/2 years old. I was doing some reading. Basically, they say that a child will begin to shows signs of autism around this age. He is for sure showing signs now. He doesn't really like anyone to play with him. He prefers to be alone. He lines up toys, food. Things of that nature. He is terrified of any kind of stuffed animal. At first,, truly I didn't understand. Now, I am having to look at the very real possibility that he has aspergers. It does explain so much. As a mother, I feel very frustrated. Not at him, but how to handle every day life. He is extremely special. I know that. He is so intelligent, unique and a wonderful child. My frustration is how to accept this. He does have melt downs. He will hit himself, bang his head and gets agitated. I am wondering how parents felt when their child was diagnosed. Not that parents really need a doctor to tell them something is different with their child. I know, parents can sense something. I know I did. As of yet, I have not had him diagnosed. Twins...wow..full hands. I guess, the doctors are going to tell me what I already suspect. I guess my true question is, How did you handle the diagnosis. Is there any parent who has twins. And in the same situation. I just want to understand how anyone else has dealt with the feelings that come along with the diagnosis. I do know, I feel helpless, frustrated and very confused. And yes, sad. My little son lives in a world of his own. I just wish I knew how to be in his world with him. Just so many questions, and feeling like I have no answers, or support. Also, I am not wanting to medicate. Maybe there are parents who agree with me, and then those who don't. I just feel lost, and very alone. Please help me to understand all of this. From anyone who has been where I am now. Thank you so much for any advice given. Every bit of support helps

Hello Welcome to WP! I hope you find the help that you need here.

Thank you...I hope so. Nice to meet you

You're welcome, and likewise! Perhaps you should check out the parents section if you haven't already.

Hmmm, I think I had a moment. lol, I probably should have posted there, huh? New to the site, Got kinda lost as to where to post. I think I should have just introduced myself here. Next time, I will know where what goes where. Goodness, see what ya get when ya try to hurry....I did look through there a little bit. Nothing really matched up to what I was looking for, or I just wasn't looking hard enough. As I am sure, it probably was that reason. Ugh

Welcome from another Mommy

You'll love this website. You will learn so much about this population from the people on here. You will learn to really appreciate them and you will get a lot of support from parents to people who live it. Raising a child on the spectrum has different challenges than most parents are used to, and sometimes it's really hard for a lot of reasons (often challenges having nothing to do at all with your child), but you will, over time, learn that this isn't necessarily a bad thing. There are good things that can come with this as well and you will come to appreciate and love the uniqueness of your child.

Relax, breathe, learn...

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thank you MommyJones and anonymous I am very much looking forward to learning, relaxing and being able to breath:) Nothing like getting support from people who have been there. I am glad to be here, and very much looking forward to making new friends, and learning about all of this, by people who have felt like I do now. Thank you for the warm welcome.

First off, let me add to the others and say Welcome

Secondly, I am glad you put in the extras per se, and I don't think Sparx meant to chastise you (I read it as just a friendly fyi), it was just an FYI if you weren't aware of the Parents section yet

As for your child who you suspect as being on the spectrum, I can only imagine the whirlwind of feelings, concerns, and hopes for the future that must be going through your head. I myself was just recently officially diagnosed at age 30, though I have been self-diagnosed for a few years at this point. One of my children as well, my wife and I are fairly certain, is on the spectrum as well, and even with our familiarity through my own journey with Autism, we still worry about what life holds in store for her in the future.



I think you came to the right place, and I would encourage you to make use not only of the Parents section, but also the others so that you can understand whats going on from multiple viewpoints. Most of us applaud when people that are not on the spectrum, come into the regular forums in search of help or knowledge, so I think you will feel less alone after getting comfortable around here.

As for your son living in a world of his own, as you put it, I just wanted for you to know, that for a lot of autistics, our own little worlds can be incredibly pleasurable for us. It may not be "Healthy" to solely live in our own worlds, it isn't usually this prison that can be portrayed. I know for me, its going out into the Real World thats difficult, its interacting with other people, feeling the disappoint, the miscontrued perceptions of me, and dealing with the chaotic nature of life for the average person that are frustrating and saddening. On the flip side, you can, and you will be able to get through to your child, it might just take longer, and it most definitely will take atypical strategies, but autistic or NT (Neurotypical) there is still plenty of commonground on growing up and parenting, it might just be a difference of pace or application

As for medication, those who are medicated, tend to be moreso for their co-morbids (OCD, ADHD, etc) rather than for their actual autistic symptomology. I support your drive to not medicate, I think thats important and so do plenty others. There are plenty of reasons for those with ASDs to be on medication, but as stated, its usually not for the actual ASD itself as much as for another disorder that exists alongside the ASD.

Some suggestions for reading:

Book: Attwood, Tony "Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome" I give this one two thumbs up for being a lifelong reference, from children to adults, etc.
Book/Movie: Grandin, Temple "Thinking in Pictures" I have yet to read her actual book, but the movie was wonderfully done, and I'd also recommend checking out the assorted interviews and presentations on youtube etc that were recorded of her. She's very good at not only helping people understand what its like to have an ASD, but also on how to constructively help those on the spectrum that are loved ones via advice and talking about what worked for her.

There are plenty others out there, the amount of books relating to ASDs grows every day, and its a literal goldmine of information for all aspects of life for those on the spectrum, and the ones who have loved with an ASD.

Sorry for the long post, and once again welcome to Wrongplanet

I didn't take any offence at you Sparx. I know you weren't being nasty. Sorry, I didn't include your name in my response. It wasn't intentional. So, thank you for the warm welcome as well.

Mahlon, Thank you for your very helpful reply. ( hope I got your SN right.) As I become familiar with this site, please be patient with me. This is all very new to me. When I referred to " being in his own world", it was not a negative interjection. Just a way of wording it. It is probably only the best way to describe my observations. There was no ill intent meant by it. As far as the books, thank you as well for recommending them. I will for sure look into them. In being ignorant to things, such as I am. Knowledge is power. Understanding is key, patience is most definite. It is difficult to understand something that you have never experienced. That is my challenge.

I myself, suffer from an anxiety disorder. Trying to explain panic and anxiety to someone who has never dealt with it, is very difficult to do. Some things you just can't articulate with words. So, with all of that being said, I do ask that you have patience with me. I am very ignorant when it comes to Autism.

Another problem I am facing, is my husband and a few others, have said, " Maybe he will get better, or grow out of it." This bothers me HUGE! Like, he is not perfect. Or, I am trying to make my son have " sick child syndrome". It makes me very angry. As though he is not perfect! He is very gifted and above all, very special. It amazes me, to no extent, to how society deems what is normal. How many others have faced this. I must admit, this is going to be a step by step process for me to fully understand. Mahlon, you mentioned, that you were self diagnosed. It seems to me, if a doctor doesn't diagnose a person, then that person is just acting badly. Or being defiant. Sorry guys, just tons of mixed emotions on this. I don't mean to ramble,or jump around here. Just my head literally is swimming with all of the thoughts . P. S. what I am trying to say, when people say, " he might grow out of it, or get better, it is as though he is not good enough just the way he is. Anyone else experience this? It makes me angry to the core. Good grief, what society has deemed normal........what is normal? Sorry for the rant. Just a bit angry of the way that people can be so narrow minded. I do thank each and everyone of you for being so supportive.

That's all right.

As long as you abide by the rules, you are not in the wrong. Most people rant about their troubles here. It is a support site, after all. Don't worry too much.

Hello! The Big D and Errol welcome you to Wrong Planet! Enjoy your stay!

Welcome!

Welcome!

I think you're in the right place. I know that it's kind of a little (or big) shock for you to realise that and to understand that, but as the guys said here, it's just a matter of time - learning and discovering that it's not a bad thing, but just the opposite.
Your son is unique and certainly gifted. You'll see that you'll learn a lot with and even from him.

Enjoy the stay!

This is what I mean by challenges that have nothing to do with your child. You will run across this all the time. I used to defend him, or explain him but I don't anymore unless I think it will make some kind of difference or I feel it's necessary. What burns me up is when people say "all kids are like that". Well, that may be true to an extent, but NT kids learn things naturally that people on the spectrum don't. Social skills for example need to be taught and practiced, they don't just pick it up by watching typical peers. My son is not rude, he does not intend disrespect, he forgets to say please and thank you because unlike NT's, he has to remember and it takes longer to internalize. People don't get that. He's very direct, he's not bossy, he's trying to help not take control. There is so much missunderstanding that you have to work through that yourself. People won't understand, parents will judge you...follow your instincts and do what you feel is right and don't worry about those people. You will get this from teachers and "professionals" as well. Most of my friends have kids on the spectrum. Talking to parents of typical children is not something I do often. If you can find a support group in your area that may help you. It's refreshing to talk to people who get it. You will get that here too.

To WrongPlanet!! !