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My name is Phil and I am from the West Midlands. I am currently undiagnosed, but I am in the process (very long process) of trying to get a diagnosis for Aspergers. I felt for years as though I was different and have had many psychologists tell me that I was suffering from depression, but it never sat right with me. So I started looking into the possibility of it being something other than depression and thats when I stumbled upon Aspergers. Everything I read about Aspergers made sense and it helped me to start to understand the person I was. I have since joined a help group for people with Aspergers that has been set up locally and that has been a great help to listen to others with the same issues.
I find it difficult at the moment as I dont have a diagnosis. Because I dont have a certificate to state that I am on the autistic spectrum it causes me difficulties with work. I also struggle in my relationship with my wife, my family and my friends.
I feel as though Im in limbo because Im sure I have the diagnosis correct myself, but because im self diagnosed, I feel like nobody else believes me.
Things have got a bit out of control lately. I am off work long term because of stress and depression due to the fact that my boss knows I will be diagnosed and he wants to be as difficult as he can before my diagnosis. My wife is finding it increasingly difficult to deal with me now that I seem to be having more and more meltdowns and my friends have been caught up in the middle of a couple of my meltdowns and dont know how to react to them.
I have in the past attempted suicide because of my confusion and feelings of worthlessness, and although I have no intentions to go down that route again, it doesnt stop the thoughts of suicide crossing my mind on a more and more frequent basis, which is worse, because I want to end the misery, but I most definately cant, which leads to me feeling even more pointless than before.

I have been lurking on this site for some time, but have avoided posting until now because I didnt know what to say.
I apologise for the morbid introduction, but the time was right for me to post tonight and I needed to get some things off my chest.

I hope I find you all well and look forward to chatting with you.

Phil.

No need to apologise - Welcome!

Hope things get better for you soon

Why is your boss being such an a***hole? I'd be interested to know why this is.

Anyway, welcome to WP.

Thanks for the welcome.
Tequila, My boss is a a***hole because he can be. He is a empire builder that doesnt like being questioned over his illogical methods. He likes to be surrounded by yes men and feels threatened by people that show themselves to be more intelligent than himself. My Mom was a manager at my workplace and had a few run-ins with him. She has now left and I get the feeling that, because he wasnt able to get back at her, he may be having a dig at me instead. He was told by the occupational health physician that there was a high chance that I had Aspergers and that due to this it would be dilligent to assume that I was covered by the mental health act. He told my boss that it was a good idea to give me a fixed routine in one place, instead of moving me around. The first thing my boss did when I saw him after seeing the physician was to send me to a department where there was no support and where I didnt know the routine, which made me bad.
I am not the only one that he picks on. I work with a chap that is diagnosed with OCD and he has made his life a misery in the past. I work with another chap who is diagnosed with depression and he gets it too.
I pressume he sees people with mental health issues as a easy target.

Basically this translates as my boss being very NT!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hello and welcome to the WrongPlanet. I think you will find this site to be very supportive.

Hello, Phil! Sounds like my experiences at work. Of course, that was awful it happened. But hope you find your home here.

Anyway, the Big D and Errol welcome you to Wrong Planet! Enjoy your stay!

Welkome to WP

Mick