I Hope There Are Others With Similar Stories

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Hi, I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome back in 1997 at the age of 13 by Dr. Melvin Goldin of Memphis. I had a hellish childhood. My father describes me as aggressive and manipulative in my childhood. I would often take things too far, way past to wear they should have been taken, right over the edge, as a child. I often had to be restrained.

Anyway, I'm now 20, and I have other issues too. I was born a male, but all my life (since at least 5 or so) I have secretly dreamed of being female. I have only recently admitted this to myself. So despite having Asperger's, I also seem to have this problem. I consider myself fairly androgynous, but I have a deep urge to jump over to the other side of the gender gorge. I'm considering transition.

Has anybody here had a similar experience? If so, what came or is coming of it?

Welcome to WP!

I can relate to the agressive and manipulative childhood, I was borderline ODD for many years.


But.... Being male, I've never felt the urge to "cross over to the other side"

Didn't Jim Morrison sing about that "crossing over to the other side"?

Ditto on the aggression problem, not the gender one.
Some incidents of restraining, and I would not consider my childhood a walk in the park. I suspect it must have been unpleasant enough because I pretty much blanked most of it out, though I try to recall it now and record the information, and then plan to forget again.

On the other hand, I have come across information that suggests the aspie population have higher occurances gender, orientation, and fetish/deviance.

Hi! I see that none of the other girls have posted yet.

Anyway, I'm glad that one aspect of my experience is here. I'm wondering where the other people are that have gender issues, too?

Epimonandas,

What do you mean by "higher occurances gender, orientation, and fetish/deviance"? I don't consider myself a fetishist, nor a "deviant."

Hi. My name's Chris. I'm thirteen, and I'm male, but I have many feminine characteristics, such as my singing voice,(my choir teacher brags to his high school choir about my perfect pitch.), but I sounded very girlish when I recorded it on my computer. I'm not obsessed with sports, which most boys at my school seem to be.
This is sort of embarressing, but I used to watch movies like Beauty and the Beast every day when I was two and do imitations of Belle and Snow White and memorize entire scenes. I would make my dad play the wicked witch and we would do the Magic Apple scene in snow white. If he got anything wrong, I would correct him.
I sometimes go through spells where I wish I am a girl because it sounds like fun. I wouldn't have to worry about being athletic, and I really want natural, long, red hair like Thomas Jefferson, who also had Aspergers! But I know that that's impossible. Oh well.

But I feel fine. I'm happy the way I am.

Chris

Have you ever considered a transition?

When I was your age, I was scared by the concept of shemales, cross-dressers, etc., because I didn't see myself as being like them, and they looked so freaky. I always wanted to just be a nice, pretty girl with nothing flashy, probably a tomboy. The transition process seemed long and artificial to me, but I've since warned up to it. I've only one life to live and I would like to live it as much as a girl as possible. (Even if I am reincarnated, I'd be a different person in that reincarnation.) I want to finish college and then get a job and save up money.

Most who have transitioned aren't as freaky as those depicted on the Jerry Springer Show and the rest of the media. Search the Internet for those who run help pages for those. Some of those who have transitioned are actually pretty decent, non-freaky people.

Some of my peers already think I'm gay at school because I sing this song I like called Loverly Spring. I don't think a transition would help my situation.
I often write stories about my alter ego. Her name is Iris. She has black hair and is shy and in my mind somewhat resembles your avatar, cornince.
I stand out and be myself. But a transition is a bit much. Besides, my parents would never let me.

i know of at least 2 other aspies with gender dysphoria, cornice. however, i don't know if there are any statistics to show that gender "differences" (for want of a better word) in aspies are either more or less common. if gender is partly nurture as well as nature, one might assume that, it being a social construct in part, aspies might have less restricted gender roles.

and it's great to know i'm a deviant cos of AS, epimonandas - and there was me thinking i was just a deviant...

Ja. Do you know any thing more about these two aspies with gender dysphoria? I have heard about nature vs. nurture. If I recall, a person's brain gender is set before birth. Sometime's the brain's gender will be different from the body's gender, which causes the gender dysphoria. But I've heard some nurturing can get involved. The brain's gender is slightly malleable, but if someone already strongly considers themselves one gender or the other, they will not swayed otherwise.

Aspies, though, seem to be interesting. Most aspies seem more or less androgynous, but I seem different than other aspies in that regard. I for one don't really keep up with my appearance now, but I think I would be more interested as a girl. I don't really have a reason for wanting to be a girl, I just do. I want to be able to bear a child, I want to be able to dress up nice, I want to be able to love as a woman, etc. I don't understand the reason why, I just know I do. It's been eating away at me for as long as I can remember.

Can't relate to teh aggression and manipulation, but the gender identity thing, yeah definitely. It's not that extreme with me but transgenderism seems quite common on the spectrum. I also have a cousin who is a post-op male to female transgendered woman and I must say she is one of the most stunning women I have ever seen!

Really? Well, I hope I'm as lucky as she is.

Ja, I've heard that a bit. I think it's because autistic people tend to be a bit more androgynous. Many don't really innately identify with a gender, but I think the vast majority that don't identify with a gender stay as they are. I for one have no desire to spend the rest of my life as male, and I would like to have a smooth transition.

I hope so, too


For me, even though as a whole I am content as I am, and don't feel either male nor female, there's aspects of me that are definitely male.

In fact almost every single essay I wrote in school and college, where I was allowed to, were stories or autobiporaphical accounts written from a male perspective. I took on a lot of male characters as a kid and played them wherever and whenever I could. I don't think I understood that on the outside, I was a little girl

I wrote a bit on that (personally, at home) a while back because a documentary about Peter Cook really brought back a lot of that stuff, because the *me* that I felt to be my personality, as a kid, was kind of close to that eccentric, charismaltic and very witty chatacter.

I will try to dig out those notes if I still have them.

No- I think you're thinking of 'Break on through (to the other side)'

Hi cornince,

First, I have to say, I love your avatar. "Read or Die" is a great anime . One of my friends at school is just like Yomiko, too.

Second, I was not an aggressive or manipulative child, and I am not sure I have AS or not since I haven't been diagnosed, but I relate to the discussion of aspies having an androgynous nature.

When I was in sixth grade, the kids called me a "boy-girl." I am still not sure why, but I think it may have been because I was not interested in a lot of the things the other girls were interested in. I think my appearance is fairly ambiguous, and my voice is rather low for a girl's, as well (and monotone). For a long time after that, I wondered if something was wrong with me, and if I really was a "boy-girl." I am female, and I do not have the urge to "cross over," as you have said. Rather, I feel neither male or female.

In Jr. High I got called a lesbian by one girl and her group of friends, supposedly because I was "staring at her." I must have been staring into space, because I don't recall ever giving her so much as a glance. As for my sexuality, I really don't know what it is. I'm 21 years old and I've never had a romantic relationship of any kind. I don't really feel attracted to people like most others seem to be. If I do, it's very rare, and sometimes somewhat forced.

I'm sorry I can't really give you advice regarding the sexual transition, but I don't know much about it. My grandmother has a friend who was male and became female, but I don't know her very well, I only met her a few times.

Have you seen "Ma vie en Rose"? It's a French film, the title translates to "My Life in Pink." It is a movie about a little boy who wants to become a girl. It is a really good film, we watched it in my psychology class when we were studying gender dysphoria. You may enjoy it.

I can relate somewhat to the agressive and manipulative tendancies as I had both growing up, sometimes more than other times. More as I got towards my teenage years though.

Just that I read some in the psychiatry field believe from their studies that aspies are more likely to have gender identity issues, depression, or some type of unusual mating practices than the average or nt population.