Hello I'm new and have some questions...

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I've been reading around here for the past few months after finding out about Asperger's. Well I'd love to detail my story but I also don't want to bore people. Suffice it to say, this is all very new to me and I have a partner (of 10 years) and adoptive mother who have the syndrome also and it was through trying to resolve my issues with these two people that I came to discover I also have it. (formal diagnosis being made after Neuropsych is done March 28th, I have a tentative diagnosis from my PC and the specialist)

I love this site already and have read many of Kristen's blogs after seeing her in the NY times recently. There are so many questions that I have that I've only begun to even know to ask....

About me: 34, Culinary Arts student (becoming a Pastry Chef), in a LTR, interests are philosophy, psychology and World of Warcraft.

If I can ask the members two questions I can't find definitive answers for elsewhere (mostly it's "if it works for you, good, if not, oh well" sort of advice I've found so far, and I don't have all the time in the world to try ineffective techniques).

1. How do I stop myself from going into a meltdown? Is this really a complex topic that is highly individual? Something has to work for all Aspies? Even a starting point would be great. Sometimes I get so frustrated I just can't do anything but throw myself to my bed and thrash around like a wild animal. Obviously I can only do this alone... so I need something I can do in front of someone or near them to stop the meltdown from starting.

2. How to "reset" my nervous system so that it can be less "excited"? I'm so new to this I don't know the terminology just as of yet.... It's like I just get supercharged and any physical sensation even the softness of my husband's touch or the scratch of a towel will be exquisitely sensitive (like I literally cannot stand the sensation, even if it usually feels good to me).

I'm nearly begging you all for even pointers to answers to these 2 major difficulties I'm having in my life. I have to await "formal diagnosis" to see the Autism specialist again (I'm in the US on some crap HMO plan with no OON benefits ) before I can see an actual counselor specializing in autism/aspergers.

To close, thank you all for creating this site and being here for those of us with autism and the people that love us.

So, still reading the meltdown threads.... if anyone has every STOPPED A MELTDOWN FROM HAPPENING, please PM me. Thank you! My very life depends on this, trust me.

Also the vast majority of what I'm reading applies to CHILDREN, not ADULTS.... so I'm even more lost.

Sometimes when I'm having a meltdown, I squeeze myself into a tiny place in my closet, where I'm squished between the wall and my dresser (I know this must sound strange), and it usually calms me down. I guess it's kind of similar to a hug.

I'm one of those who are good at numbers, so my technique is to count stuff that causes stress, and do things to reduce stress when I think the count is getting too high.

For instance, I'll often work in the yard for a few hours after a tough day at work. Or, when the weather is lousy, I'll play on the computer. I tried online Scrabble, but folks don't like it when you get in a zone and blow them away.

I'm an adult, and I've reduced the frequency of my meltdowns. More than that may be possible - but only by having a high degree of control over your life. Also, there is no one "easy button" for doing this.

Yet I can offer you a few general suggestions. Taken together, these should enable you to figure out how to reduce the frequency of your own meltdowns. First, figure out the things that stress you out and trigger meltdowns. Avoid as many of them as you can, as much as you can. I know, you have limited control over your life. We all do. But every little bit of pressure you can successfully dodge will help. Second, learn to observe your own state and notice when you are in danger of melting down. At least some of the time, you can then head off an impending one, or at the very least, stall it off until you can get in private or otherwise reduce the impact. For me, the hardest part of this is the fact that, every time I am coming down with something, one of my first clues is that I'll have an unexpected meltdown. Yet I've made progress with noticing even that and managing it - sometimes. Also, in addition to monitoring your own state, notice the influences that are piling up. Even if you can't avoid them (see "first"), you ought to be aware of them. This helps you monitor the approximate risk of a meltdown. If everything is going fine, you're less likely to have one unless something huge occurs. If you're already pushed to the limit, you need to figure out a way to calm down, fast, before the last straw lands on you.

Third, and finally, learn the things that have a soothing, calming influence on you. For me, walking a lot helps keep my stress level down, especially walking in the woods. Music - the right music, and suitable for my mood - helps calm me. Pacing, spinning, or twirling are good tension reducers for me. Also, certain foods will help to improve my overall state. When I'm trying to calm down, I'll have a steak and cheese sub, or a pizza with extra cheese. I'm not saying these specifics will work for you. I'm offering examples. You have to look at your own influences and find your own answers. The big drawback with any of the eating options (the simple act of crunching anything tasty between my teeth is soothing to me) is that if you don't find alternatives, your weight will quickly balloon. I'm lucky - walking a lot also helps me, so I've been able to shed quite a few pounds in the past couple of years. But you've got to find the balance that works for you, and that avoids causing other problems in your life.

As a side note, caffeine is a tricky issue for me when it comes to meltdowns. Many times, it actually calms me and helps me focus and function better. But, occasionally and unpredictably, it will make me jittery and more susceptible to a meltdown. Again, this may not be true for you. The point is to learn to identify and notice whatever issues do affect you.

If this isn't clear enough, or you want to ask more questions, I'm willing to try to help. But I really don't believe there is a "magic bullet" for stopping meltdowns. I've never found one myself, and I've done a lot of reading, on here and elsewhere, and have never seen the slightest hint such a thing exists. I'd go so far as to say that I'd be highly sceptical of any such claim now that I've learned to understand my own meltdowns somewhat. I'd have to see some pretty solid proof before I'd believe it. (Which isn't to say I might not try it out, as long as it wasn't something I had a strong objection to.)

There is a form of self-hypnosis, which is really just a form of relaxed concentration, called the eye roll technique.

Sit comfortably in a chair with your feet flat on the ground and your hands comfortably in your lap.

Look upward and then easily shut your eyes and kind of allow yourself to hunker down. Be present and comfortable and supported in the chair.

Take 30 seconds, 45 seconds, a minute. It's very brief. Either envision something you find relaxing or repeat a mantra such as "I feel comfortable as a nonsmoker." (but obviously something about staying calm, or appreciating people in all their imperfections and still liking them)

Then gently open your eyes and come back to the present.

Thank you for this, I wish that I could do your "first".... I have to work after school and I don't have a job because right now I'm in school full time and roughly $35,000 in debt, I graduate this May. I have a limited time to have this much free time for "self-work". Work stresses me out to the point that I have meltdowns and shutdowns on the job. As such has occurred, I haven't held a job for more than a few months at a time even though my work performance often exceeded that of my peers. I have a lot of anxiety about returning to the work force, my industry is culinary, as a pastry chef; I feel the need to get this under control quickly and your advice has been very helpful. Caffeine has a strange sedating effect on me as well, most of the time meltdowns tend to occur more frequently hours after I've had my morning coffee, so probably making me more susceptible although I just drink one 10 ounce coffee. Am I really that sensitive? I notice I can feel the caffeine every morning...

On the magic bullet note, I didn't realize this was what I was looking for until you pointed it out.... it's like, I just want to not deal with it anymore and perhaps the anxiety of an impending meltdown is triggering even more meltdowns.... Seems I'm having a lot of resistance to the fundamental nature of me; all of this is coming through self-awareness granted me after several years of meditation... I guess part of it is the stress of noticing it all now.... Ignorance is bliss.

Thanks everyone for your replies, now I have such a great starting point. I have the awareness, I just needed some tools. Thanks again Wanderer for your thoughts on my situation -- I'm grateful to have learned

When I struggled with obsessive-compulsive as a teenager, I later decided that this second-order type of thing where I do something to avoid the worry or even the possibility of the worry, typically makes the situation worse.

Welkome to WP

Mick