Greetings everybody!

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Hey my name is Phil, I'm 21 years old, and I guess I would be called a self-diagnosed aspie, though that could change tomorrow as I go to the doctors. I thought I should say hi here and state a few things I've noticed about myself throughout the ups and downs of this ride we call life.

Often I'm accused of repeating myself, while I myself think I'm onto a completely new and refreshing topic.. I'm also often accused of talking only about myself, which totally confuses me because in my mind I was talking about a person, or about how the mind works from my perspective.

Since I was like 15 I've been obsessive with computers, with books, and with music, but generally can only handle one focus at one time, although when I was younger it was toys, and games, and things I could build on my own...

My biggest problem that has caused me to require a diagnosis, is that I'm VERY often accused of lieing, when in my eyes, I've told one of so many possible versions of the story. I know I don't lie but as I tried to share my recent discovery and suspicians of AS with my girlfriend, she told me its a way to wash my hands of the horrible things I've done..

In the past I have lost control physically, ever since I was a kid, its impossible to describe the feeling, it feels like something screaming in my head beyond my understanding, so I scream and push and fight and cry, put it this way, its a tantrum.

What also gets me is trying to explain something, and having to go through 10-20 different ways of explaining it to someone, and they still don't quite understand what I'm actually getting at, so they assume I'm trying to manipulate or hide something. Though when I'm explaining a theory, or something technical about rhythym, sound, or physics, it annoys me in the opposite way, they can't keep up with me.

In bed is another problem, I know we both enjoy it, I know she loves it, but every time I look in her eyes, I ask if she's ok because I can't even tell in the moment whether she likes me at all.

In groups I tend to get very anxious (in fact was told I have social anxiety disorder) and used to be very shy, but found as I got confidence I can only spill everything I believe and want to share, or nothing at all, when a topic interests me though I can carry an entire group because I happen to know so many pointless yet poignant facts, but on the flipside I don't seem to know when to stop and tend to go on and on until the entire group has gone silent, this among other things stopped me being social all together.

Also as a kid I used to lie in bed every single night with my eyes open until I fell asleep, nowdays I just stay up till about 5 or 6.

Another aspect I haven't read much about here is obsessive tendencies, I find that if I'm focused on one girl, it allows me to focus on a balanced level on my music, and my research, but I find if we're not getting along, I need to replace that girl in my life with reading, or more research (or another girl) this has led me from one relationship to the next, most recently being the most productive and yet most destructive of any I've ever had, it ended in a fireball last night with her telling me to "f*ck off" because I started crying and begging her to simply stay on the phone with me a minute..

Does anyone else find this? An obsessive single focus that can either be pointed at a person, or a specific goal or design, but if you take it from that person, its so hard to care about them or give them anything worthwhile... Which makes me (to them) either totally switched on or off.

A minor issue is weed, I've been smoking a year or two, and the one time I completely quit, for a month or so, my mind felt like it was racing so fast, every single minute became torturous if I wasn't reading or writing or planning something... I wonder if anyone else has this problem.

I always thought my problems were based on ego, or something related to depression, but now that I think about it, I've always loved time alone more than anything, I find myself resonating with the feelings and opinions of some people on here, and feel that though I'm alone, I am never alone again.

I wonder if anyone has actually read this far I know I can be very long winded, I guess I just wanted to say hi, considering this brief backround, do you think I'm aspie? And I've been reading the forums theres a lot of wonderful people here.

In terms of what I do now, I'm very interested in this current "project" I'm working on which I'm calling Binaural, its an attempt to affect certain parts or modes of the brain with certain frequencies, the ultimate goal of it being to put me to sleep without any drugs

whoops better stop now, 3rd time re-checking the post and I keep adding more hahah.

Sorry if I over did it!

Hi, Phil!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I hope you enjoy posting here!

Hi welcome. I skimed through most of your post. A lot of what you've said sounds like what i do or what i've read in other peoples posts.. Are you going to try to get a proffessional diagnosis?

tomorrow morning goin to a doctor, I've prepared a report for him so we'll see

Welcome....good luck with your DX....glad you like WP and sorry to hear about your girlfriend problems,I know I have been to hell and back with many relationships....big issue.FYI...there are a few people on the site who have adhd, and probably wont make it through your post...but some of us love to read....

Thanks for stopping by Wrong Planet!

As for the weed, from what I have read, it can cause mental illness and respiratory disorders, so I would just stay away from it. It's interesting to hear that you are working on a project to affect the brain to help you relax. Let us know what the status of that is at some time in the future...

I've run into the problem a lot where people think I'm lying. I think it's because our non-verbal communications aren't what normal people expect, so they get a subconscious sense that something isn't right, and they interpret that to mean that we're lying. It pisses me off, but there isn't much I can do about it.

The obsessions are one of the most fundamental and universal characteristics of aspergers.

There's a diversity of opinions here. Personally I think weed is much better than alcohol, although these days I can't get any.

So welcome.

Hello! I am also from Perth, WA. Well, from south of the river.
Any luck with the dx?