Hello from Kansas

Post Reply New Topic

Hi. I'm Jared, a 28 year old Aspie male in Eastern Kansas. I'm here mostly to make new friends. Online is cool, but also in particular interest to me are any fellow Aspies in Kansas or Missouri.

Hello Sagroth and welcome to WP

Just wanted to say hi. I'm from central Kansas. Im bad at getting with people face to face, but I think I'll be able to manage this okay!

Hello Identity and Aharon!

And no worries Aharon. I already knew that, as with most of my ventures, the likelihood of abject failure is to the point of near-certainty. Still worth trying, though.

How long have you been diagnosed with AS? What advice would you have for someone like me, who strongly suspects but doesn't have an official diagnosis? I dont need a label as much as I need answers, but are those one and the same? Thx for your input!

Originally diagnosed at 12 with AdHd. Shortly changed to high-functioning autism a couple weeks after. Then, at 25, changed again to Asperger's. Finally, this year I got a full neuropsych profile done at KU Med Center to get the complete picture and got it confirmed as "definite autism spectrum disorder, most likely Asperger's" among a few other things.

I would recommend a full neuropsych profile to anyone who suspects and has insurance that can pay for it. The diagnosis doesn't always help though, for two reasons:

The first is in the most directly practical sense: knowing you have it doesn't magically 'fix' you, or even guarantee any form of help at all. Also, it doesn't mean that the people around you are going to understand or treat you better. Sadly, it's often the opposite.

The second part has more to do with how you respond to it on a personal level. For me, I was already compensating for deficits I knew I had without knowing the why. Getting the diagnosis didn't really change how I compensate or 'cover up' the areas I know are problematic. But where it did help was more in the 'self understanding and forgiveness' side of things. On the one hand, knowing that no matter how hard I try, I can't ever be 'normal' in the way many others are still stings a bit. On the other hand, I'm a lot kinder to myself now about why I'm different. Instead of hating myself every time I make a social or executive function mistake and saying things to myself like "stupid, stupid, stupid!" I can take a moment to determine if what I did was intended to do harm, was part of one of my many personality flaws, or actually part of the diagnosis. And in some cases, it's the latter, and I can acknowledge it and forgive myself a bit easier. In some ways, accepting the diagnosis for me helped me accept myself a bit more. And that, i think, is helpful to anyone.

If I were to be diagnosed, I would want it so my wife wouldn't think I just hated her. I would want it to explain a lot of things. I'd also want to be able to learn what my characteristics are, as I don't feel like I know myself very well. I've learned a lot over the years through trial and error, but I don't feel like I have time to reinvent the wheel over and over again. At the same time, I don't want to move in directions that don't help, or that may end up making matters more difficult.

I get by okay in my life. People may think I'm odd for wearing ear plugs when they don't need to, but i think they just think I'm eccentric. My wife, on the other hand, has to live with every facet of me, and that's why I'm here. I want to understand myself better, develop some beneficial habits, and learn to relate to her better. If I don't need a diagnosis to achieve that then I guess I don't need one at all.

Well, there is the potential there for you getting diagnosed to benefit your relationship with your wife, especially if she then takes the time to research it.

What part of Kansas are you guys from?

i'm north of you in eastern Nebraska. i like Kansas, the Flint hills are beautiful.

I'm in the Kansas City Metro area. Johnson County, to be a bit more specific.

Welkome to WP

Mick

I am originally from Kansas, midwest, out by Great Bend to be more specific. I'm currently living in Iowa, but almost all of my family still lives down there.

I am on the other side of Oklahoma from you.

Anyway, welcome to WP!

My folks currently live in Bartlesville, as it happens.