Do I belong here?

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Hi,

I always feel that there is something different about me. I've always kind of known this, but I never really cared. I just wanted friendship and now I've pretty much dismissed all of my "friends" because well to be honest they weren't good friends in my opinion. In every age group from k-5, 6-8, 9-12 and now college I never had problems with meeting friends since I am pretty outgoing, but retaining them was always a fail mainly because they would always do or say something about me that I deem "bad" and trust me they were bad things. For example, I recently just had one of my closest friends since I was 16 tell me he was "better than me" before he left at a get together at my friends house. I plan to never speak to him again...besides him as well as my last high school group of friends always used me for self gain. Repeat this similar story with a variation of messed up comments or actions to different faces and I am now here expressing myself...is this s**t normal to "normal" people? If it is then include me to the autistic/asperger's group please. I would hate to have that type of social thinking in my circle.

I always thought that aspergers or autistic meant that you were "crazy" but further education and information has me to believe that people just think differently.

From all the research I have done so far I'm pretty sure I show about 99.9% of the symptoms of aspergers or autisim. I have a brother who has mental disabilities so the statistic i read on wikipedia that 50% of autistics are capable of functioning and the other 50% are not is pretty neat. Just a random tid bit there haha. Also, my mother says my dad has always been a "little crazy" so it looks like genetics plays a role. Pretty weird saying this stuff but I think people would be interested in these things.

Anyways just wanted to rant and to find out what this place was all about.

Hey, welcome to WP. Loads of my old friends have ended up either using me or acted like complete d*cks. After becoming more and more social outside of those typical friends I've found the whole 'normal' world to be a nasty place to live in. Seen countless of things that I'd never come across before and it just makes me happy to be who I am, knowing I can never act like these people.

For me, the problem has never been that friends do something unpleasant or nasty. It's that I end up feeling like I'm not important to them. I try to stay in touch with people once we no longer have daily contact, such as those I knew in college or former coworkers, but it rarely happens. Contact only happens if I send an email or make a phone call. Given how long I've been unemployed, I tried to reestablish communication with people to try to build a network. I got the best contact information I could for eight people I had known well at some point and were friends. I didn't hear back from any of them.

There are exceptions. A couple of guys from my last job stay in touch, though one of them has moved to Warsaw. I have one really good friend that has lasted for twenty years, though he's so intensely private that it's hard to talk to him about personal issues. (I'm convinced that I still don't know the whole story for why he moved to Minneapolis in the first place.) I have good online friends, but that's not really the same for me.

Can kind of understand the not feeling important to them thing as I feel that way with certain people too. I don't really get those people, they tell me they care about me and are there for me whenever I need them yet seem to ignore me quite a bit, even if I need them over something important. I'm not overly outgoing so don't feel that need to have loads of friends. Tend to just look at people who don't bother with me as people that aren't meant to fit into my life. Some are selfish, some are too busy and some are just plain rude. I guess things just come down to time and having to move on from certain people even if you don't want to, some things just get in the way. From past experiences of losing contact with old friends it's just opened up to meeting whole new ones and finding they fit better with who I am and my life. I'm slowly learning that some people do find me important to their lives and I'm slowly accepting that. I think it will always come down to you believing you are important to people, it'll just depend on who. Some show it, some don't. The ones who don't usually aren't worth your time in the end or will only ever end up being a casual acquaintance. I don't know if anything I've said will help you out at all.

Welkome to WP

Mick

quite interesting...so are all of these feelings and past lack of social recognition part of being autistic...this is what is meant by social intuition I suppose. I kind of read that as "reading behind the lines" I always felt that it was just me and my friends/family would call me crazy for calling these things out. In fact, my family put me in a mental institution for a couple of weeks because I was "acting weird" when I was just trying to call all the bad things out about my cousins and friends. Maybe I was livid about it, but jeez I KNEW I was right. Those bastards got my brother on medication and now his life is messed up for life since he has been on psychological pills for over 8 years now. I'm sure he went through the same process as me: social awareness and then right down to philosophy. Philosophy is a scary door to open, but I survived quite fine.

I thought the problem was me, but I now see it as an "awakening" that I am aware of this cruel world and its social practices. It's partially my fault for allowing my past friends to use me though...I knew those bastards were no good should have ended it sooner.

Oh well I guess I will compound my wealth...that is my interest so luckily I picked something awesome to focus on.

OH and I'm pretty sure that's why a lot of my friends try to keep me...because I can compound wealth similar to the billionares percentage wise. Damn those bastards have known all along. They must have heard rumors that my senior high school economic's teacher took me out of class one day and told me if I played the stock market I would get rich. I dismissed what she said since I just liked the stock market and didn't know there was actually wealth to be made in it haha.

Jeez this whole time I thought they were secretly alligned with the devil...no they just thought I could make them rich with their family trust funds.

I caught them meeting in a room one day and I arrived late. We were all stoned. Before I entered I heard them talking about somebody and then my friend paul said "we are going to be so rich!" and then my other friend casey said, "I know. Nobody tell him." Then when I entered I asked them what were they talking about and paul quickly said "oh nothing." but his voice was awkward and I knew something was up.

So would this also be me being "crazy" or just socially aware of bad people with bad intentions.

Theoretically with the use of "ad-hoc" theorem, if someone doesn't believe the same way as you do and knows he can't win the arguement the only defense or card they can play is that the other party is crazy; thus no one is credible, but the ad-hoc theorem states that the first person to play this type of action is in fact the loser since he can not retaliate in a debatable manner.

Thus this is why I think the majority of atheists are wrong because they always call religious people crazy. Where as religious people just move along, but of course there will be some who call the other people crazy ---> lack of mental competence or patience/childhood actions.

I can totally understand how you feel about being used by people with whom you trust. For some reason I give off the vibe that I am trustworthy and honest and friendly and most of the time these are deemed good qualities by NORMAL standards but, alas, the world has become so socially corrupt that these traits are now signs of weakness and frailty. I cut off 98 percent of my friends and the remaining two percent are treading on thin ice as I actually cant think of any of them sticking their necks out for me the way I have done for them. I have always thought that either I was extremely naive or the world just simply sucks. Now I see its a little bit of both. I have reached a level of paranoia that makes me believe that everyone who speaks to me wants something because I don't remember anyone ever doing anything for me just out of kindness. Its sad to say but its true............

I recall when I was younger I used to look at the world with so much excitement and exuberance but from all of my past experiences with fake friends, fake business associates and women I have the most bleak outlook on everything. But now that I see and read some of the posts here I know that I am not alone. I don't know about anyone else here but I take everything everyone says about me literally. I always thought it was just me being real but now I see that I lack the ability to know when someone is joking or everyone on the planet that I speak to is cracking a joke about me.

OK, now I am just rambling but I can definitely relate.............the problem is how do you find or interact with selfless individuals without in fact putting that person through a "test" and becoming, even if for a brief instant, the same type of person you are trying to get rid of?

Well from my experience life gets way more better after you start dropping the bad apples. They rot you mentally and physically and spiritually. So dropping them is good.

It might be lonely at first, but you start to see who really does care for you.

Through the use of the concept of trust circles you can build a small network and from there branch off. Usually family first. Recollect relationships with family and loved ones at first beginning with immediate members and then branch off by testing relatives and "close" friends.

I'm not going to lie...it gets lonely and I guess thats my biggest problem because I can't stand being alone so I find stuff to do. Go to the gym, read books, interact with random strangers and its nice.

I'm not sure what you are capable of and I am not trying to brag at all, but people will always want something from you. That is what I am starting to see. Usually people want to use me to make them rich. Infact, I get a lot of "my daughter" between the lines comment. They might want access to your network, your wallet or use you for your time etc.

I still haven't found a very good way to figure out if people just want me for me; I am thinking that the best way to solve this problem will be the concept of "gifting" If you give someone you want to test something that you personally know they will like. What would they do with it and how will they re-gift you?

For example, I moved in with my sister to help her pay her mortgage. I am not obligated to do so, but she has 3 kids and a fat home and a nanny and I can tell that finance is getting to be a problem. I help out with the kids and do other tedious things for her since she just got done with breast cancer etc. If I was a jerk I would have said F that and move out in my own aprtment/condo, but I didn't. It is kind of a silent thing that she knows that I know I am only doing this to help her out, but she stocks the home with my favorite soda, soup, bread etc. and dresses her kids the way I use to dress as a child.

That's how you know someone really appreciates you. When they do the little things that can't be summed in monetary values such as dressing her kids the way I use to dress or buying me my favorite drinks (well I guess the drinks can be valued in money, but you get the point).

The bad apples always think about monetary gains either subconciously or conciously. For example, my ex-friend paul after he told me he was better than me was still down here for christmas break after he said the statement. He told me earlier he wanted to go to Merced CA to visit his friends and he was visiting from Virgina (his Master's degree school) and I knew right away he wanted me to potentially drive him there which is about a 300 mile trip. He tried to ask me out to lunch and I declined saying I was busy, but he never replied back. I KNOW that he was planning on asking me to take him to Merced at that lunch date. Sure enough about a week later his mom drops by at my family's business early in the morning and tells me that he took a trip to Merced with Paul.

This s**t is too easy now that I am aware. I think the underlying problem is that the social system that we have created and weren't aware of until we awaken is all about taking "human capital: your excess profit intellectually or physically" and others are just lazy and don't want to accumulate human capital themselves so they leech it or borrow it from people that are "dumb" enough to give it away.

We aren't dumb. We just got big hearts.