Just a greeting and stuff about myself :)

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Wasn't sure whether to make post here or not at first. Honestly not sure how much to include here, this is probably too much but here goes.

Been looking at the discussions here lately when I feel alone in what I'm going through and see a lot of advice that resonates with me. It made me sad to not join in eventually because at the moment I don't have many people I can talk to about ASD. It's taken a long time to become comfortable with the fact I experience things like meltdowns, hypersensitivity, social confusion etc., now I want to share this part of me with others because it impacts my perception and my life so massively.

So far it's been really difficult for me socially in college as I still can't seem to stop offending people, maintain friendships or figure out all of the social nuances, have experienced a little bit of bullying but I'm trying to stay optimistic that I can get better at things.

Stuff like bad memories and some of what I've experienced at school have gotten in the way of my motivation too, even in pursuing my greatest passions. I was often called "gifted" in high school and was a really hard worker but I haven't been able to hold onto any of that drive and ambition. Often it's the bad memories that get in the way. When I get streaks of working really hard on my projects it's often interrupted by a meltdown or I get burnt out again. And I miss working... Worked in the school cafeteria, have worked in retail and reception but start missing days when all of the noise and social interaction begin to get to me.

This winter was the worst as I had some past trauma come back unexpectedly, my anxiety went through the roof and I was scrambling not to break down and I didn't win that fight in the end. I'm worried this will happen to me again so I'd like to learn how to cope and find some consistency in life, especially right now being in quarantine because it's a good time for consistency and learning about myself.

That's why I made an account here and I will appreciate any answers people write. I'm looking to talk to people who understand and believe what I go through and who are going through the same things if they just want to share support. I am shy but I'm a caring person and a good listener, I like people and never mind it if others have strong interests they want to talk about with me.

Welcome here on this strange planet!
Pacific Northwest sounds like Japan or Korea?
Hope you'll enjoy this here.

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I am as I am. Life has to be an adventure!

Hi, imablubird,

I don't recall ever having meltdowns, other than social anxiety that were the result of recurring loops of thoughts of how I might have done or said the wrong thing in a social situation. I guess I focused on trying to break that pattern of internal dialogue, and accepting that everyone makes mistakes and not to dwell on it. Eventually, I just grew out of my social phobia.

Hello....

hiya imaBlueBird a fellow washingtonian is ALWAYS welcome