I have been studying symptoms of Asperger's for the last year or so. I want to get some advice because I seem to only fit like 50%. Also, I made an appointment with a mental health counselor for next week and would like to get some advice about what to say to her. It seems like a bad idea to say outright that I want to be tested for Asperger's, so I thought that I should just go and talk about the trouble I have around other people, and let her figure things out about me, but that may backfire because I've had therapists twice before and was only ever diagnosed with depression. They didn't notice anything else, I guess.
My ex-girlfriend works with autistic people, and she went to a work conference where a woman with Asperger's syndrome gave a speech. She came home amazed that I fit so many of the symptoms that were discussed: strongly dislike light touch, have light sensitivity (I get migraines when out in sunlight, but this has not been the case my whole life), think of essential things like eating and sleeping as a waste of time, am excellent at intellectual endeavors but confused/awkward/not interested in social situations, dislike eye contact, etc.
For the past 5 years or so, I just thought I was strongly introverted, because it tires me out so much to be around people: the expected eye contact, the endless chitchat about nothing, the nagging feeling that there are some social expectations that I'm not fulfilling, and not knowing what they are. It is very difficult for me to remain calm and focused when people are around: the sound of their talking beats on my ears like drums and I can't concentrate or think; when they are moving around, it distracts me constantly. It's like I'm powerless not to see and hear them. Even soft sounds like breathing or shuffling papers is very bothersome. This is the main thing that makes me suspect Asperger's. But I don't know if this sort of thing is a typical symptom.
I didn't recognize until recently that a couple of things I do count as stemming, such as humming to myself, repeating phrases over and over again when I am upset to block out the upsetting thoughts. Also, my mind is very logically oriented.
I have taken some tests online, and I usually come out in the middle. For example, I took the Aspie-quiz at rdos twice, with a few months in between, and scored "You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits," both times.
I've never been obsessed with just one thing; in fact, my interests are quite varied. I actually hate having to do the same thing every day, especially if it's at the same time. I hate schedules and routines. It seems to me like these two things are the most important determinants of Asperger's syndrome. I only trip/bump into things clumsily on occasion. I can't ever remember having a meltdown, but then again I'm not sure what a meltdown is like. I've held jobs and successfully lived more or less independently, but they were all part-time, laid-back student positions where I could be myself. No "real" job yet.
I don't know. I don't fit in, but I'm not sure how. I guess I want to ask, do those of you who have the syndrome think or have been told that there is/are one or two characteristics that must definitely be present for a diagnosis of Asperger's? What should I say to the counselor?
10 Feb 2012, 2:52 pm
