New and Frustrated, with a Differential Diagnosis Dilemna.

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Hey, everyone... er. I'm going to make an effort to just 'go' instead of redacting this constantly. I saw this site over a year ago, but at the time I was kind of - well, no, really and honestly afraid that people would eat me if I made an account. I wasn't aware that the site is open to people who are trying to just figure themselves out.
Now I know. (I hope! If not, I'll clear out immediately and you'll never hear from me again, I promise )

It's been a few years now since a definitely-diagnosed Aspie friend of mine, with her two also-diagnosed kids, listened to me for a while and said (approximately), "Have you ever thought that you might have Aspergers yourself?" I went from "No, but tell me more" to "Wow, where has this been all my life?" in under an hour. Since then I've done a lot of questioning whether I'm just being a hypochondriac, whether lots of people experience these things and I'm just looking for a label for my weirdness. I reached a difficult point of understanding that whether diagnosed or not, AS or NT, I am me: a combination of traits easier or harder to live with, and that I did not need a doctor to tell me what I could or could not do. That was when I was here last, and I credit a forum discussion I read here with helping me out.
(So much for not editing.)
Now I'm in my first year of university, and, since the resources are finally available, I've started the machinery grinding slowly forward to try to make a diagnosis (or not, or of something else). Two reasons: Taking my exams in a huge gym with hundreds of other anxious people, and slow overhead fans that make little noise but keep calling out for my attention or conscious avoidance, and with rules that I mustn't mustn't mustn't have a bag even though I don't have a locker and had nowhere else to put my lunch, was not happy. I will do it again if I have to, but I will be just as stressed (not caused by the exam itself, just the conditions) as I was the first time. Second... Just to stop wondering. To stop wondering whether the "I'm not very comfortable in group situations, it might be Aspergers" -type lines that keep popping out of my mouth are true or false. To stop questioning whether I just do a really good job at pretending that I have experienced the things I hear and read about. (That is the problematic nature of qualia, subjective experiences, now isn't it? No one can ever know for sure.) So now I've been to see three people.

(I am terribly sorry for the long-windedness of this. I cannot seem to rein in my descriptions, no matter how hard I try. )

Each has been sympathetic. The first was just to refer me to a doctor, who wasn't a psychiatrist or psychologist but dealt with most of the AS people on campus. He was very surprised to run into someone seeking an adult diagnosis (I'm 22). Here I discovered the hidden complexity that is apparently me, at least to the science of psychology. This doctor couldn't determine anything, so he referred me along to a psychologist. Between these two doctors, I've learned that anything and everything I describe could be a result of:
a) Being homeschooled from grade 5 through the end of high school, and thus having lost out on opportunities to learn age-appropriate child behaviours
b) Being transgendered (FtM) and thus having suffered social exclusion as a result of related behaviours (i.e. ignoring girls' games and attempting to join boys' ones, with failure the usual result)
c) Social phobia or another anxiety disorder
d) Aspergers
Looking back - although I can't manage to do this in the /middle/ of a conversation when it would do me any good, now can I?! - I realize that the first doctor was railroading me towards generalized or social anxiety as a result of being trans and homeschooled, and the second one was also focusing in on social anxiety. I do at least have a possibility of being referred along to the other psychologist at the clinic, who apparently has quite a bit of experience with AS children (I believe she's mainly a pediatric psychologist). If I really hold out for it, I might manage to be seen by someone who actually specializes in adult AS, although they're in a different city and would probably take all year to get an appointment with.

I just saw that psychologist this morning. As I expected, I now have more questions than answers, having laid out my life for yet another person to examine. These questions have finally encouraged me to come here - because it seems to me, in some ways, that being told whether or not my experiences match Aspergers by a NT doctor is like the famed hypothetical 'car mechanic without a car'. If anyone can give even a raw, unfounded opinion to one or more of these questions, I would vastly appreciate it. (Opinions based on years of personal experience would be even better! )

1) Is there a /difference/ between social phobia and the social avoidance/discomfort aspects of Aspergers?
2) Would I be describing a similar experience to others' here if I said that I have a semi-conscious mental list of rules for a myriad of social situations that I have put together only from years of careful observation? (Such as: That person just dropped something! If I pick it up, not only am I being a good person, but they will be happy because I was nice to them, and will probably say thank you... To which I have to say you're welcome, of course. Mind you, if they did something like try to strike up a conversation as a result, I'd probably panic and back away.)
3) Does being able to recognize (some) areas of my behaviour that I could improve, and successfully improving them, somehow mean that I not only don't but never have had AS? What if I would have qualified as a kid, but I now have enough coping mechanisms to pass as NT to an uninterested observer? Does the strain it takes to function out in the world /count/ for anything?? (This one really frustrates me.)

Once more with the not expressing myself the way I want. Picture me nearly deleting this whole thing, but wanting answers too badly to quite do it. Thank you to anyone patient enough to read through all this, and even more so to those supremely patient enough to respond.

Welcome to Wrongplanet. Social phobia would be fear of situations that involved people like parties and other social events. The social avoidance relating to AS would come from previous bad experiences socializing with other people like being bullied or missing nonverbal cues that make conversations difficult and awkward.

Welcome to WP!

Thanks!

See, that's where I run into trouble. If a person has social phobia, bad experiences or something else is causing them to be intensely uncomfortable and/or fearful in social situations, right? And if a person has Aspergers and has had bad experiences/little experience with social situations and thus is uncomfortable and/or nervous, the difference is?...
Both doctors seem to prefer to diagnose social phobia /instead/ of AS, whereas I tend to feel that the anxiety side of things is not even the most important part.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

The difference is that Asperger's or Autism is a broad spectrum disorder--if you look hard enough you should see evidence of it over many different aspects of your life.

Heya!

Don't run away, keep posting on here, and a warm welcome to you! Like you, I have yet to seek diagnosis (except I didn't start on the process yet). Most NTs tell me, not only that I can't have AS, but that I am NOT socially awkward, NOT shy, I'd even hear people use the word "outgoing" to refer to me. Most of those on the spectrum I met share similar experiences, problems and difficulties with me, AND seem to recognize me as one of their own. I am a great learner, and learned to pass off as NT, as much as possible. I am from France and autistic people do have a tendency to be badly seen/be bullied there. Whatever was different about me, I hid, I denied, for as long as I could.

AS in adults is difficult to prove, because if you are a good learner, then you learned loads of coping techniques. I have a friend who is blind, she is American, lives on her own in Ireland aged 22, studying towards a PHD. She's the best student ever. Coping techniques can make you brilliant in spite of many problems, shortcomings and conditions. Don't underestimate your own learning, you may have learned to pretend to be NT so much and so often you have learned to deal with life thanks to those techniques. I profoundly believe that if you have doubts, then they must mean something. If you think you might have this, maybe you have this to some degree. The thoughts going through your mind as someone drops something ("I need to do this, that and the other, BUT, if he uses that as an excuse to talk to me, I'll RUN for my life), sounds like me anyhow, whether I have AS or not.

I am a lesbian and I have to say that in the LGBT community, I have mostly made friends with Ts. Being a Trans makes you neither/nor, in some ways, and I find the experiences of NT Trans people very similar to AS experiences. Maybe you are Neuro Typical, but being a Trans, you are not "Typical" by many people's standards. Nothing wrong with that but it may be wiring your brain differently.

Hang on in here. Even if the diagnosis turned out to tell you you did not have AS you are most welcome. You may just be a quirky person who feels like an AS person, in which case, people will still gladly talk to you on here (well, I will anyhow, and though I'm new here, I find everyone really nice and warm and daresay no one would shun you for being NT).

Welcome!

I'm just going to talk about myself here - but I think its relevant so I will continue.
I don't have social anxiety/phobia. But after a couple of hours with a group of people being social I've just had enough. 1 on 1 I can handle for bit longer but after awhile I just want my own space. The situation just wears me out. I have to say though when I was younger I failed to see this and used to push myself too hard and I did end up with social phobia really.
I might be lucky but I seem to have a group of friends who accept this - I don't go to parties and I ring you up every 3-6 months (if you're lucky). However if you need me I'll be around. I kind of turned it into a running joke:
For your wedding I'll just buy you a laptop so I can Skype myself there. Or suggestions that at any gathering i need a time out room.

Don't take diagnosis's too seriously, You are not in the DSM. You are you. Being different is being interesting anyhow.

Anyhow catch you later.

Welkome to WP

Mick

To WrongPlanet!! !