New member...in more than one way

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Hi, I've never participated in one of these communities, but I feel even more alone than I did this time last week, so I thought why not. Having woken up very early last Wednesday, I started to research AS because of my 5yr old -terrible meltdowns and anxiety over small things like getting his hair cut- other mums at his OT center had suggested I look into it. As I began reading, I found myself ticking off yes to symptoms one after another...but not for my son, for my husband.

I cried, no I acutally sobbed the more I read. My marriage has never been ideal, who's is; we have 2 young medically complicated children, we move around a lot for my husband's job, and he's away a lot on business- "who wouldn't be a bit depressed", "of course its hard for him to make friends", I've thought this for the last 7 years of our 8 years of marriage. We've faught about one and only one topic our entire marriage repeatedly- "Why don't you love me? Why don't you look at me the way a husband should look at his wife?". We've tried marriage counseling many times, no success, it's been he's depressed and needs to just get out of his rut, don't worry things will get better. I know he is the same person he was before I discovered AS symptoms match him, but that's what makes me unbelievably upset and hopeless. With depression there was the hope he would get better and things would be happy in our house, in our marriage, in our world. I know the only way things can improve now is if he accepts, owns and learns coping skills. I've told him my suspisions, and as normal he didn't say anything -I'm use to that. The acceptance and ownership probably wont happen because he would have to admit that he's not perfect -yes, he has a mighter than thou complex. I feel cheated out of a loving relationship (the longer we've been together the worse he's gotten), I feel trapped in a marriage that barely exisits, I deserve love, I deserve intimacy, and when your husband tells you he doesn't like the way you look and your body could use work (really? a size 6 isn't good enough for him) how am I suppose to get that? I could totally, 100% accept if it were one of my kids who had AS, but my husband?
Anyone married to a partner with AS who could bring a little sunshine to my world?

Greetings,

I am a woman with asperger's syndrome. I am married to a man who may have it. He is definitely OCD.

Our marriage is nice. We love each other and show each other the appropriate amount of affection each needs. We have our difficulties, but we get through them together. We think that we have learned from the messed up marriages of our respective parents how to have a decent one. We always try not to hurt one another emotionally. Our parents are great at ripping people apart because they are hurt.

I spoke of my marriage because you wished to know of another couple's marriage. I do not wish to upset you. I have trouble sometimes with expressing the right things to people, so I reiterate that I am only trying to reach out and offer you some comfort.

Peruse these forums, and ask questions if you have them. There are some very nice and intelligent people here. Remember to take everything with a grain of salt, and don't let any negative comments adversely effect you for any amount of time.

As to whether or not your spouse has AS, he needs to be diagnosed by a professional (or himself) before you can label him. This is important because there may be other things that are similar to AS, but are dealt with differently. I suggest you find a therapist that you click with and get individual counseling. This will help you deal with everything and put things in perspective.

I wish you all the best.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

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