thank you for the warm welcome everyone. I apologize for not coming back to this topic. I sort of shied away oxo
I wanted to say... just a bit about my life, to share with everyone.
I have no job. I am close to a hermit, because... I wouldn't say I'm 'terrified' but I just wouldn't know what to do with myself if I went outside. In the past I used the excuse to just walk outside, but that felt repetitive and uninteresting for me. The other was to find a job, but it mostly circulated with me walking around and past stores until I steeled myself to walk in. Although I only managed to walk in twice after over a year of effort
but... I came to this forum because i want to be 'proud' of myself for who I am. I have gone through many experiences of depression and the feeling of giving up on life like many people. But I struggle to overcome this thought to just... be happy who I am. Even if I don't have a relationship, or many friends, I still have myself, yeah?
And a family that loves me. They all know what I have, they're all very nice with me for it and patient. Even people I meet are nice. Just... sometimes I get so hard on myself, because I feel I don't deserve all this kindness while I don't try to get a job out of terror. Or I'm just so nervous around people I haven't spoken to in a while, because... I just don't know how to start the conversation. I can continue it, if they start it. But if its something I know little about or much to say, such as sports, places, or my own personal life, I usually just don't know what else to do oxo
I feel mostly stabled now though, keep my mind busy learning to draw and quick exercises at home I just took up today. And mom is really helping me by going into an Aspergers program to help me find a job
And, I hope to meet many people here. You all seem very nice and kind. And I hope it wasn't too descriptive, or boring, or... self-pity, this topic. It was mostly to explain a bit of myself and how I felt after I dropped out n_n"