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Hey everyone, I hope you're well.

I'm not too sure where to begin, really. For as long as I can remember I've learned behaviours by studying others in order to fit in. I've always felt slightly 'different' to most other people and I've always felt like I've had to 'dumb down' to fit in, but I just put it down to being a bit 'geekier' than the people I knew. Out of my group of 'friends' I was the most articulate and intelligent, and so being slightly geekier and a bit more socially awkward was judged fairly normal.
My dad is an incredibly erudite man, but a complete disaster, socially. As a child I was perceived as someone who was more articulate than other kids my age, I excelled in English and art, and was above average with maths and science. As a result, my father home-schooled me in addition to my normal schooling as he and my mother were convinced that I was in some way gifted.
Getting back to my 'friends', the situation here was basically as follows - I had one best friend, we both shared the same interests (comics, video-games, music, electronics and science fiction) and sense of humour, he moved to a new area with his parents where he made a bunch of new friends. My parents then moved also, and I met with my friend again. We both ended up living within walking distance from each other.
I found it incredibly difficult to 'get on' with his new friends and if I'm honest I don't think any of them ever really liked me, and I could never understand what my friend saw in most of them. To cut a long story short I basically hung out with my friend and his friends who I 'got on' with, with varying degrees of success. I was petrified as being perceived as someone having no friends, more than any desire to actually be friends with any of them. We just didn't have anything in common, so I basically mentally graded them on levels of kindness, intelligence and open mindedness etc and won them over with humour and kindness. They just accepted that I was a bit 'quieter' than them. A sort of compromise if you like.
I really feel like I'm rambling, here. Sorry. Reading this back, I really suprise myself at how heavily in denial I have been.
Anyway, back to schooling etc. It had got to the stage that my parents' insistance in supporting my education, that I began to feel suffocated and under severe pressure to perform to a high level. My father is quite a domineering presence in mine and my family's life, he is a bully and quite a brutal man and as a result I'm convinced that I had a mental breakdown, and in a distorted way I planned my revenge for being made to study every day including weekends and every school holiday while being beaten and told I was an idiot for getting things wrong. I was being coached with topics many years in advance of my age. For example, at the age of 9 I was being taught maths and physics that would normally be taught to 16 years olds. When I reached 15 and doing my GCSE exams I went to the school hall and drew pictures of Judge Dredd on the answer sheet, left early, walked into town, got an older guy to get me some booze from an Off License and proceeded to get very drunk in a local area known for underrage drinking. I proceeded to do this every exam day. In a twisted way, in my head, I was getting my father back for putting me under such pressure and bullying me.
After my exam failure, I left home and was accepted into a catering course that didn't have any exam requirements, and when I completed that, I worked as a chef for over 10 years; during which time I got into the early Rave scene and drugs. It seemed like a natural progression as I already had a long term interest in electronic music and record collecting.
It was at this stage I met my now ex-girlfriend and abandoned my 'friends' without much thought after we had been together for a year or so. There had been other girls before her, but no-one I connected with as much as she and I did.
I'm really trying to get to the point here as I realise I must be boring you senseless.
Last year she had a nervous breakdown and broke up with me after being together for 10 years. After we broke up she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and Aperger's syndrome. She told me she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder "among other things" but neglected to tell me she had Asperger's. She'd obviously sensed that AS carries more of a stigma, than depression.
At this stage I didn't even know what AS was.
A few months later, a friend confided in me that he suspected he had AS and told me of all the possible symptoms. The more I heard and read, the more I felt that I also have AS and suspected that my father also has it to a greater extent.
Recently I had been speaking to my ex girlfriend by email and told her that I suspected that in addition to bipolar disorder, she also had AS as one of of the "other things". She confirmed this to be the case.
I went to see my GP and told him basically everything I have typed here and his exact words were that he could "say with a degree of certainty that I am on the Autistic spectrum" and may also suffer anxiety, and referred me to a psychaitrist. I didn't get to speak to the psychaitrist as she sent me a letter to say that she'd spoken to my GP and decided that I should be referred to an Asperger's specialist. This is where I am now, so I thought I'd sign up here and say hello. So... helllo

Oh yeah, and I'm convinced that my best friend from back in the day has Aspeger's too, he just doesn't know it. I haven't spoken to him in years, but I'm sure he receives some sort of comfort and esteem from blending into a group of 'normals'.

Welcome to the Right Planet!

Heh. Thanks

Welcome - I love the name - very clever

Thank you. I had an MSX, I actually hated Spectrums

Welcome - I appreciated reading your story! Sorry you had to go through such a hard time with your father. I've been through abuse as well, and I also related to what you said about struggling to get along with "friends of friends".

That interesting your ex felt that being Aspie carried more of a stigma than bipolar. I was diagnosed bipolar 7 years ago (and am currently being diagnosed for AS) - and I tend to see it the other way around! I'm okay with people knowing that I'm different and have trouble fitting in socially (it's pretty obvious anyway! Haha) but I'm more sensitive about people judging me for being bipolar :/

Anyway, it's nice to meet you!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thank you. I kinda get the impression she has a problem with it being a form of Autism and its perception. Most people hear Autism or ASD and automatically assume some sort of savant type situation. Dustin Hoffman's one of my favourite actors, but Rainman's got a lot to answer for.
The thing with Asperger's and friends, I've found, is that there are levels of friend ie friends and true friends that I've felt comfortable enough to be 100% myself with and not have to put on the social front I have learned to hide behind. I can count the number of true friends on one hand and it's strange that they've all either been diagnosed quite recently or recently began to suspect they are. Not strange in a literal sense, just odd that it's all happening at the same time.
I always knew something was up, if I'm honest my biggest fear before finding out about Asperger's was finding out I was a sociopath.

Welkome to WP

Mick

Cheers Mick. I think I'm getting a feel for the place

Hey, this could really be my story (well, I didn't have an abusive father, but mine too has autistic traits). Thanks for sharing! I'm also still quite new to the whole AS topic, but not diagnosed yet. After taking quite a few online tests I am still not sure about it, although all the tests suggest I'm AS or BAP...

Thanks for sharing your story. I see many similarities to my life. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this.

Thanks guys. Stick around. It's a really nice community here and the locals are very nice indeed

what does PIL icon mean? and ZX?

Dumb?'s I know