Hi,
I was wondering if anybody could help me determine if I have Asperger's Syndrome? Up until recently, I thought Asperger's was just a social phobia/anxiety, and that autism was only hardcore like the savants on TV, Movies etc. so I never really looked into the possibility at all.
First off, since I can remember I was always very socially inept, and I never had more than one or two actual friends. I've never really "fit in" with anybody, never really identifying with any groups or cliques, thinking they're all superficial and made up of a bunch of insecure people that need to feel important for self-esteem purposes. When I was pretty young and my parents were divorced, I was diagnosed with depression. I've been depressed on and off pretty much my entire life. I was also diagnosed with ADHD, although I have a theory that my mom hates my dad so much, that, she had to have me diagnosed (specifically told a psychiatrist "but his dad has it, and it's genetic") with it and brought me to three psychiatrists before she was finally told that I wasn't just a normal, bright kid.
I've always disliked social gatherings, even family gatherings. I just feel out of place, and I am completely inept when it comes to dealing with political things in family, work, school etc. it just doesn't compute, even though I've pretty much philosophized why people do the irrational things they do to each other. I can't spontaneously handle social situations, always doing something imprudent, or simply not really doing something I want to, like being too inhibited with females even though I'm attracted to them and I am sure they are attracted to me. I have a staunch intolerance for unjust things done out of spite, envy, malice, selfishness, sadism etc. and I have alienated plenty people for what I consider to be unacceptable behavior, even though it's apparently accepted in our society. Family members are just another member of humanity if they don't show me that they are capable of living a somewhat virtuous life.
I found one of the symptoms is using quite large words, which is something I do situationally. I've noticed that I will throw out strings of bombastic adjectives and verbs whenever I am pissed off or aggravated at somebody, but that's not all that often. Can anybody relate to that? Or is it just a normal thing for some aspies to do?
I've always hated talking to people on the phone, it just seems awkward to me.
I find that I'm easily addicted to things, especially video games. In fact, I found this forum by searching for information about Dr. House's character, whom I identify with in a lot of ways; I've watched every episode of the first five seasons of House over the last couple weeks. Before that I was addicted to a baseball game on my phone, I've played about 1,500 games that take about 20 minutes each, over the last six months. I will play that wherever I am if I have time, even at work, between classes at school, with family, etc.
As far as motor skills, I've never really had any problems, except for my handwriting. Over the years my handwriting has never improved, even if I practice. When I was in elementary school my teacher made me do extra cursive exercises, to no avail. I don't understand how some people can write so normally/neatly. I never had any developmental issues, I was always WELL ahead of my age in academics, although I never got great grades because I never cared about school. I used to be too into sports, wrestling etc. and never really cared for school. My stepdad once told me "I bet you know exactly how rare it would be for a baseball player to bat .500, yet you don't even care at all that you turn in less than 50% of your math assignments." I've always been infatuated with statistics, pertaining to sports, and that's one reason I started playing fantasy football, which is another compulsive hobby of mine, I sometimes draft and manage up to six teams per year.
I have always been disinterested in other people enough to never really make eye contact with them. I've only known one other person like this. I can make eye contact with people that I know I absolutely have to for short periods, but I think it's still not enough to not prevent me from doing well in a job interview.
Does this sound like a description of a high-functioning autistic, or someone with Asperger's? My MBTI type has the highest correlation with autism, and I want to know if I just have mild symptoms due to my extreme introversion and personality/cognitive traits, or if I actually have it and have had pretty much no idea why I've been socially inept until now.
Thanks for reading and responding, if you choose to.
14 Mar 2012, 2:38 am
