Finally landed here...

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After a rather long and lonely trip I have come to a form of acceptence as to why Life was always so for me. For the last few years I assumed that not understanding others, or being understood and accepted by other folks was due to me being a Trans/Inter-sexed person. (That or just plain weird.)

As I'm now approaching my fourth year of Transitioning to recify the "birth defect" of endocrine disruption in utero, I realized that many things never changed, despite the fact that so much of myself has been examined and reworked. Basic traits have not disappeared... I stiil don't "know" or trust most people's reactions to me, and this isn't about coming to grips with my true gender... it's about a deep loneliness and the fear of what others are really all about.

After many discussions with others who share my particular cause of gender dysphoria it finally struck me that AS fits me like a glove. My partner, (Psych therapist years ago), knows now that she has it, as does my best girlfriend. The three of us have been staunch friends and champions of each other for several years now, and we are still clueless or are ill at ease with many people and situations in life.

For myself, I want to understand why I can feel the gentle caress of the wind on my arms, but not the touch of my life partner. Why does spontinaeity scare the heck out of me? Why, even with my best efforts does it seem that I cannot make friends outside of those who only want info and help with things? How can these various problems be changed?

So, that's why I'm here, and whatever help I can be of, well you've got it.

Blessings!

Wenna

Hi DarkMaiden,

Welcome to the site.

Do you think there's many AS people who think they're trannies, due to the androgyny of AS?


'Why does spontinaeity scare the heck out of me?'


aaahhhhhh NO SURPRISES thanks!


'Why, even with my best efforts does it seem that I cannot make friends outside of those who only want info and help with things?'

uh yeah, it's funny the 'helpfulness' thing in AS. I used to have it, but I found out people don't necessarily like or want 'help'.

' How can these various problems be changed?'

euww I dunno, a dx just makes it easier to understand why, to understand the differences between us and others...and you can use that to improve social or language skills, I don't know if intrinsic 'change' is possible, perhaps you've been in a 'changing' community where the notion of 'change' is seen as 'deliverance'. I don't really think along those lines. I just am and will always be, sigh, me. I'd like to be someone else at times, but eh well, I'm not.

PP

Welcome, DarkMaiden!

Do you think there's many AS people who think they're trannies, due to the androgyny of AS?

<Please let me restate that one: " Many Trans are AS, especially IS and DES types. Genetic thingie there. My beliefs are due to percentages of those I deal with each and every day.">


'Why does spontinaeity scare the heck out of me?'


aaahhhhhh NO SURPRISES thanks!

<(grins) I'm with you dear. I hate changes to the itenerary.)


'Why, even with my best efforts does it seem that I cannot make friends outside of those who only want info and help with things?'

uh yeah, it's funny the 'helpfulness' thing in AS. I used to have it, but I found out people don't necessarily like or want 'help'.

<When I wrote that, I was referring to those who wish/ask for my help and info with their Transitions. I walk many through the poop that comes up.>

' How can these various problems be changed?'

euww I dunno, a dx just makes it easier to understand why, to understand the differences between us and others...and you can use that to improve social or language skills, I don't know if intrinsic 'change' is possible, perhaps you've been in a 'changing' community where the notion of 'change' is seen as 'deliverance'. I don't really think along those lines. I just am and will always be, sigh, me. I'd like to be someone else at times, but eh well, I'm not.

<I understand your statement. I mis-wrote when I said "change"... maybe "coping mechanism" would have been better as a term. Some things I know that I can change, others, such as beinng DES/IS and AS, I know I can't change, but I do seek a greater comfort level. As far as deliverence goes, there is no such thing in my bag of tricks, only acceptance and understanding.>

Aaacckkkk!! !!

A trunicated reply, and I didn't finish my answer Postperson... here goes:

euww I dunno, a dx just makes it easier to understand why, to understand the differences between us and others...and you can use that to improve social or language skills, I don't know if intrinsic 'change' is possible, perhaps you've been in a 'changing' community where the notion of 'change' is seen as 'deliverance'. I don't really think along those lines. I just am and will always be, sigh, me. I'd like to be someone else at times, but eh well, I'm not.

<My use of the term "changes" is innaccurate: I'm looking for coping mechanisms. There is no way to change that which is intrinsic to the individual... even magic cannot pull that one off, just as my evasion/avoidence of my gender reality couldn't be side-stepped. (I know... I tried for decades.) Deliverence doesn't enter into the equation, comfortability does.

The one thing I truly wish for is to be sensual and responsive, and as I have no baseline for that, I'm starting from scratch. My partner says I'm progressing... maybe it's about repetative behavior and encouragement? I just don't know... too new with all of this. (rolls eyes) LOL>

< Thank you for the insights and thoughts... not used to that.>

Welcome Dark Maiden! You have a very interesting story. I'm an Aspie myself and I find paradox's in my life everyday. It is hard to figure out why I feel a slight breeze , which can be pleasant, but; a touch from someone can be irritating.

I look forward to hearing more of your story.

Hi, and welcome, Wenna. That is a very pretty name.

Wow, when you find out, fill me in... I could use a little help with the same thing.

Aside from the Transitioning, most of this rings true with me. About 90% of my interaction with people, back in elementary school and middle school, was helping them out with work and information (and sadly most of the remaining 10% was them making fun of me).

Best way I found to make friends later was through common interests. For me that meant roleplaying games and computer games. What kinds of things are you into?

I too have deep suspicion/disgust/hatred for other people's little mental agendas and the games they play. Best way to change that, I think, is a combination of learning more about how people's minds work (gotta love psychology textbooks when all other in-person attempts fail) and finding a place where you can be accepted as yourself until you start to see the advantages to trusting people more. WrongPlanet is one such place.

I can't tell you much about the tiny amount of progress that has occured in the intimacy dept., but part of it is to get me really, really relaxed. Betts pours me in the hottub, then runs a massager over me once we're out, and then I can actually cuddle some and not freak out too much. (Far cry from a few years ago when I would thrash around to get away.)

Common interests and friends? Hmmmm.... pretty much became very well known in the cyber Trans world. I'm sorta a cheerleader who tries to keep the various groups on target as they work to their mission statements. I used to be a noisy activist, (like I was for everything passionately in the Past, but now I'm working on less confrontational formats. Whew! LOL)

Locally I help out with various functions of many diverse folks here, and we have a billiards tourney running right now. (That gives me some public contact with an escape route.)

For work I have all of the gardens here, and the music/graphics company my GF and I have started. Actually signed a band last week, and that means I have to be in Houston in June to launch their career in front of 150,000 people. (Ughhhh...) Have a conference in Ohio this weekend about HIV to do. Once again... Ughhhhh! (Call it "shock" treatment... everyone involved now knows that I'm an aspie, and they will be around to help me out. Letting your folks know what's happening when you are in this situation can be so good, and you can learn coping techniques in safety.)

So that's how I'm going at this now... do the things that give me trouble, but make sure those around understand what I'm going through, and still be supportive of me. Friends... priceless!

And then there are the new folks I'll meet through the aspie network... ideas, ploys, tricks... anything to feel just a little more like comfortable with others not from "our" planet. That's all any of us want, 'eh?

Blessings!

I am transgendered myself, but not to the point of tool-belt butch. Welcome!

Sophist,

First off, "Hi there"!

Secondly, I'm very much a femme except at the pool table, and then I show folks what the game is about... won another tourney last night... 3-rail bank on the eight ball. Oh my yes! (I still hate the obligatory "celebration hugs", but I didn't flip-out.)

Thanx!