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Hello everyone. I got diagnosed with asperger's about a month ago. Second time as i was diagnosed with it back where i came from about 5yrs ago, but for various reasons didn't pay much attention to it then. I don't really know what is right for me, and i never participate in forums, but i suppose that's not working out too well for me so thought i'd do something different. Does that even make sense?

I suppose i'm wondering a lot of things about myself lately. If they are just quirks of who i am and what my life has led me to be, or if they're related to aspergers. I'm not even sure if the distinction matters. I just know that for as long as i can remember i've tended to do things as a process of elimination. I don't know what is good for me, so i occasionally try various things and if they don't work i'm left with a kind of default behaviour - and like i said, that doesnt seem to be working. I feel like the world and my control over my life is slowly shrinking. My natural thing to think about this is that it's ok, and that i'll be fine. But this is a pattern i've followed for years, and i've not been fine.

I've also been wondering lately how i am supposed to change things when the mechanism for changing something is kinda broken. I built a computer the other day and the wireless card messed up and wouldn't connect to the internet and then windows troubleshooter advised me to connect to the internet to find a solution. It's kinda like that. Sometimes i'm fine, but when things trigger me i lose the ability to think "woaah, wait, you have aspergers you friggin mentalist" and bang - it's too late and i'm down a rabbit hole.

I don't know about anyone else but being diagnosed made me feel worse. It carved in stone what i suspected for a long time, and i'm worried that i'll just lapse deeper and deeper into my more asperger characteristics. Like they say when you get glasses your eyes get worse. I feel worried that something in me will regress and stop trying to be more normal, switch off the filter, and just do whatever the hell i feel like with total disregard for any social conventions which is honestly what i've felt like doing for years. Whenever i'm in social situations i put on this huge act - and i'm really good at it - but it's so tiring having to check every sentence and movement and expression quick enough to appear normal and engaged.

One time years ago when i was at university a friend traveled hundreds of miles to go out. My best friend at the time. And we went to a bar and drank and did all that stupid stuff that is expected of teenagers at university. It was noisy and crowded and i just couldn't be bothered so i got up and left without saying a word. This person had traveled across the country to hang out and i didn't care and abandoned them in a strange city. I've done stuff like that loads of times, and gradually i've learned to avoid putting myself in those situations which leads to spending most of my time alone, declining social invitations, avoiding family and friends etc. I don't feel like i'm a particularly bad person for this, i just do it because i know after a couple of hours of socializing i'm running on empty and just can't take it anymore, and that ends up hurting them more than just declining the event in the first place.

Oh well. Probably TMI for a first post but i've written it now so...

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi Summat! Welcome to Wrong Planet! Sorry my greeting isn't as fancy as the previous posters. I thought theirs was neat! Check out the different forums and articles here. They are interesting and helpful. You are among friends here.

My own experience on learning I have Asperger's was different than yours. It brought me a great sense of relief, because I finally know why I am so different from the norm.

Spectrum disorders are neurological in basis. Although there is no cure, there are now methods available to help train people to handle social situations better, and also to teach coping methods.

I am in my early 50s and had to learn all this on my own, as spectrum disorders were not recognized for what they are when I was growing up. We were diagnosed back then as having emotional/behavior problems, and/or having discipline issues. Now there is help for people on the Autism/Asperger's Syndrome spectrum. If there is anything you need help with, check out the forums here, do some online research, and also check with your psych doc if you have one. Not all of us see the docs for this. I was made to as a child and teen, and again for a little less than a year a few years ago--to qualify for Medicaid under a depression diagnosis. I have other health problems that give me more problems, and an improvement in life circumstances has brought my depression level back down to more managable levels, so I don't need the docs for that now. I don't see how they can improve on my coping methods for my Asperger's either, so I don't see a need to go for that, either.

There really isn't a need to fret about having Asperger's. Just see what help is out there that can help you with your particular problems. And remember, you have friends here at WP.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welkome to WP

Mick